to be mad at this teacher?

[teardroptoken]

On Friday my my DD aged 9 came home in tears. She told me the classroom's assistant teacher took her out of the classroom and then screamed in her face. I don't mean just yelling, she literally bent down and raised her voice at her and made her cry, and then continued to pick on her the rest of the day by ordering her about with not a stern voice but a plain mean one.

My DD thinks it was because they were in the field at playtime and there's a woman that often walks past the school as there's a neighbourhood close by and a girl in DD's class yelled "freaky friday" at the woman. It's not just a school thing - local kids also call her that. My DD told the playtime teacher and the girl was made to stand by the wall for a few measly minutes. Same girl also sits at the table with assistant teacher with a few other children that struggle with the work more than the other students, so I am guessing the girl told the teacher. AND DD only thinks it is because of that because while being screamed at she was too terrified to comprehend anything the teacher was saying. The only other problem we've had with this teacher is a few weeks ago my ex-DH was taking her to school and they still hadn't opened up the doors to let everyone in and it was 15 minutes past the regular time, ex-DH had work so he knocked on the door and they got let in. After putting her coat up she was interrogated on why her dad had banged on the door when he only knocked because they hadn't opened up and he was running late.

My DD isn't lying either. We live near two students who witnessed the whole thing. A girl in DD's class who told us and a girl in Y4 (classroom opposite Y5, no doors closed). She now broke down this morning because she was too scared to go to school in case the teacher shouted at her again.

WIBU to go in and see this teacher? I realise children get stern raised voices from teachers but my DD and the other two students told me it wasn't yelling but screaming the words out. Over something as trivial as a tattle tale? I'd rather my DD do that then join in and harass the poor woman.

Yes you need to speak to the teacher and find out what the problem was and how exactly it was dealt with.

Assistant teacher or teaching assistant?
Either way not acceptable, but very different training and pay grades.

Go in calmly and see what happened and why. Don't go in all guns blazing as that won't help the situation.

Yabu to be mad at this stage. It seems like your dd has definitely been told off harshly for something but her being too upset to know what it was about doesn’t really ring true.
Did the children who apparently overheard also not know what it was about?
I would go in and ask what has happened.

Of course go in and find out what happened. But be calm. It seems very odd that anyone would be quite so angry in the circumstances- could there be some sort of misunderstanding? Did the TA think your dad was one of the children who shouted at the woman going past?

Well I feel sorry for your dd as it must have been scary having an adult out of control screaming in her face. Go in and find out about it but calmly.
I also feel sorry for the woman passing.
Why do people shout at her and why don't parents teach their kids not to? It's not very nice, they wouldn't like it etc.
Why is she such an object of ridicule and everyone just accepts it?

DD is adamant that she had no idea what the teacher was screaming at her, and neither do the two students. It was too fast and too loud. It wasn't just normal yelling - literal screaming. She told me she doesn't want me going in to talk to the teacher (I offered to this morning) as it will make things worse but I don't want my DD upset and be afraid of school. It is a great school with no bullies and great teachers so DD was understandably shook when she was told to get out of the classroom then screamed at inches from her face.

As for the woman, she is mentally ill and is often muttering to herself. Her appearance is always scruffy as well so children join in on the teasing and harassment. No idea why they chose "freaky friday" though.

Of course you must speak to the teacher. Be calm and factual and listen to what she has to say.

Can you phone the school without dd knowing? She sounds really scared of the TA who is being really unprofessional.
We had teachers who lost it and screamed at us in secondary school but at 14 we found it hilarious. Not so much at 9.
Bit of a shame for the woman. Maybe they should have an age appropriate talk about mental illness and being kind?

Could you email and say "Please would you let me know what my dd was told off about on Friday, as she doesn't seem to understand what it was about."
The local people really need to stop their children bullying a mentally ill person.

Yes, RR, it's exactly how you'd expect secondary school teachers to lose their temper horrendously at the pupils. I do think I will phone up first. Headteacher is very understanding and loves DD so I'm sure he will help me sort it out. Thanks for the replies everyone.

Children always say not to go in because "it will make things worse". They are naturally frightened, and have an instinct to hide or to run away. I really believe that it is important to show kids, by our example, that when there is a real problem there is always something we can do to make it better, and it is a grownup's job to try and fix problems.

It is also our job to show our kids that there are lots of things we can and should ignore, but what you have described sounds like something that needs to be dealt with.

“DD is adamant that she had no idea what the teacher was screaming at her, and neither do the two students. It was too fast and too loud. It wasn't just normal yelling - literal screaming”

This seems very odd. Does the teacher have form?

Well it sounds like your dd was part of a group of children that were harassing a mentally ill woman doesn't it? You should definitely find out what gone on as you may want to be doing a bit of shouting yourself.

YANBU. However you also need to teach your dd respect and not shout things at people. Just because its the done thing doesn't mean its right. That's abuse. You don't know what that does to that women.

God, that poor woman walking past the school.

The few people in our village who could be subject to such bullying are fortunately treated with respect and dignity (though I don't doubt I don't see it all).

The children join in? I'd tear my son to pieces if I found he was doing that.

Although if I'd have gone home and said to my mum a Teacher or TA had shouted at me for abusing a member of the public. She'd have said or rather screamed (She should have shouted louder). Perhaps let it he be a lesson to kurb this disabilst behavior now before it escalates. Another 12 or less she could well face prosecution under hate crime.

Well it sounds like your dd was part of a group of children that were harassing a mentally ill woman doesn't it?

I read it as OP's DD reported the name-calling when she witnessed it.

That poor poor woman. I hope you’re also going to complain that the poor soul is being abused by those horrible children, when you find out what has happened with your child, OP? It isn’t coming across as a very good school, if that behaviour is acceptable towards a mentally ill woman.

My DD wasn't the one that shouted. I should've made it clearer. The classroom already have formed friendship groups and DDs best friend was off Friday so she played with another girl. They were in the field talking when the girl saw the woman through the school's fence and shouted "freaky friday". DD told on the girl who was then promptly sent to stand by the wall. Of course I agree my DD was just looking for a reason to get this girl in trouble (the girl is known to tattle a lot) than standing up for the woman. This is all that my DD has told me. She then played tig with a group of children before they went back into the classroom and a few minutes sitting down and TA told her to get out of the classroom and then screamed at her before sending her back to her seat crying.

they still hadn't opened up the doors to let everyone in and it was 15 minutes past the regular time

This is the bit that sounds weird to me. Major safeguarding issue if a school isn't opening till fifteen minutes late. Very unusual.

Just for clarification, if you read the op the OP’s daughter was actually the one who told a member of staff about another girl shouting at the woman passing by. There is no indication that the OP’s daughter was involved with that.

the OPs DD told an adult that another girl had shouted it at the woman Awwlookatmybabyspider

Sorry, cross post. Realise someone else answered that as I was posting.

So your dd reported someone for abusing a MH I'll women.
Well that certainly flips things the schools are enabling this abuse.