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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad at this teacher?

82 replies

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 10:18

On Friday my my DD aged 9 came home in tears. She told me the classroom's assistant teacher took her out of the classroom and then screamed in her face. I don't mean just yelling, she literally bent down and raised her voice at her and made her cry, and then continued to pick on her the rest of the day by ordering her about with not a stern voice but a plain mean one.

My DD thinks it was because they were in the field at playtime and there's a woman that often walks past the school as there's a neighbourhood close by and a girl in DD's class yelled "freaky friday" at the woman. It's not just a school thing - local kids also call her that. My DD told the playtime teacher and the girl was made to stand by the wall for a few measly minutes. Same girl also sits at the table with assistant teacher with a few other children that struggle with the work more than the other students, so I am guessing the girl told the teacher. AND DD only thinks it is because of that because while being screamed at she was too terrified to comprehend anything the teacher was saying. The only other problem we've had with this teacher is a few weeks ago my ex-DH was taking her to school and they still hadn't opened up the doors to let everyone in and it was 15 minutes past the regular time, ex-DH had work so he knocked on the door and they got let in. After putting her coat up she was interrogated on why her dad had banged on the door when he only knocked because they hadn't opened up and he was running late.

My DD isn't lying either. We live near two students who witnessed the whole thing. A girl in DD's class who told us and a girl in Y4 (classroom opposite Y5, no doors closed). She now broke down this morning because she was too scared to go to school in case the teacher shouted at her again.

WIBU to go in and see this teacher? I realise children get stern raised voices from teachers but my DD and the other two students told me it wasn't yelling but screaming the words out. Over something as trivial as a tattle tale? I'd rather my DD do that then join in and harass the poor woman.

OP posts:

Spartacunt · 12/11/2018 11:04

What Claraschu said with bells on.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 11:08

You need to speak to the classroom teacher and ask what exactly went on. Explain that your DD cannot give a coherent explanation, and that you are concerned about the description of the yelling and want to be clear what went on. You should also explain that your DD is now very nervous about attending school.

One other thing, you're very blasé about the abuse meted out towards the woman who walks past school a lot. I really hope that you make it extremely clear to your DD that it isn't on, and why.

Original poster

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 11:09

I think the girl that DD told on probably went inside crying/upset to the TA. She sits at the table with the TA with other struggling children/under achieving. There's also an autistic child there as well so I have no idea why some of them tease the mentally ill woman. With her ragged appearance she probably resembles a witch to the children although that's still no excuse to harass her.

OP posts:

KittensAndCake · 12/11/2018 11:10

The teacher must have thought it was your DD shouting abuse at the poor woman.

PositivelyPERF · 12/11/2018 11:15

I’m sorry your daughter appears to have been punished for doing the right thing, OP, but the way you talk about this poor woman is horrible. With her ragged appearance she probably resembles a witch to the children although that's still no excuse to harass her. WTF?!

Tinty · 12/11/2018 11:15

OP I wonder if the girl who shouted at the woman told the TA that your DD also shouted rude things at the woman? Did she say DD did it too, and that she got into trouble and DD didn't, or the TA misunderstood the girl and thought that DD had done it and the wrong child got into trouble?

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 11:16

It doesn't matter what the woman looks like! They shout abuse at her because she is different, that is obvious. They keep doing it because their parents are failing to parent them properly and they aren't developing any empathy for someone who is different. That's what you can talk about with your DD. Everyone is different, and that's ok, and some people are more vulnerable than others and shouldn't be treated badly as a result.

You won't get anywhere with resolving this incident at school until you can get the school's explanation.

VivaDixie · 12/11/2018 11:18

One other thing, you're very blasé about the abuse meted out towards the woman who walks past school a lot. I really hope that you make it extremely clear to your DD that it isn't on, and why.

I have definitely picked up on this too, i would be asking the teacher exactly what went on as it may have been the case - or appeared that your DD was involved in the name calling. You really don't sound too concerned about this aspect, at all.

VivaDixie · 12/11/2018 11:19

With her ragged appearance she probably resembles a witch to the children although that's still no excuse to harass her.

I rest my case

Samcro · 12/11/2018 11:20

i would hazard a guess that there is more to this than your dd is telling you op.

BirthdayCakes · 12/11/2018 11:22

As for the woman, she is mentally ill and is often muttering to herself. Her appearance is always scruffy as well so children join in on the teasing and harassment. No idea why they chose "freaky friday" though

That's HORRIBLE

Original poster

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 11:28

My description of the woman had no malicious intention, but to a young child she does look like a witch. Her hair is always like one of those black wigs you get in a witch costume for Halloween. I've even heard older children refer to her as a witch, as in "I saw that witch walking past my house today". I'm sorry for coming off as indifferent to the whole name calling - none of my children have engaged with it, I don't know where the woman lives or what other stuff has gone on with her, but right now I'm more concerned with what happened with my daughter who already has enough anxiety and worry going on in her life at the moment. Even if my daughter is lying, she is still my priority.

OP posts:

EK36 · 12/11/2018 11:30

I would go in and speak to get and ask her direct what's going on? Every time she screams at your daughter to straight in and speak with her and report to the head. Tell the head you have concerns.

Original poster

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 11:30

But bear in mind if I do find out my DD was included with the name calling I will not tolerate that. I'll find out where the poor woman lives and make her apologise and understand why she can't treat people like that.

OP posts:

Sassielassie · 12/11/2018 11:35

Regardless of the circumstances it is not acceptable to get down and scream into a childs face EVER.
A professional primary school workers would know this.
Even pupils who are verbally and physically abusive towards staff are spoken to softly as the Opposite can escalate a situation.
Pupils who are taken outwith the class to be spoken to are usually asked first about situation X to get their side of the story then if it involves 2 pupils, then both children are then brought together by that adult, and both stories are then presented to get the whole story before proceeding with appropriate sorting out of situation X.
To take a pupil outside and just scream without questioning or giving a chance to respond is bordering on abuse.
Please contact the school straight away and ask for a meeting.
It sounds like this adult is not coping or adhering to guidelines and your DD needs to see you are standing up for her rights.

recklessruby · 12/11/2018 11:40

I get that too. The feeling the TA can't cope and didn't bother to find out what really happened. Is there history of her not liking your dd?
What was the actual classroom teacher doing while this went On?
I work in a secondary school so have seen plenty of misunderstandings between staff and students. I also know some teachers do have their favourites.

giftsonthebrain · 12/11/2018 11:40

OP in the village I live in a group of teenagers regularly harassed a fellow. They called him names, deflated the tires from his car, stopped the washers or dryers when his clothing were at the laundromat, and played loud music while he was at the gym.
One evening when the group were at the park he took his hunting rifle and shot and killed 3 of the boys and seriously harmed a 4th.
The fellow an accomplished hunter escaped into the wilderness never to be found.
This very sad event was a real eye opener.
Please don’t support the ongoing harassment of the vulnerable.

Littlebluebird123 · 12/11/2018 11:42

Definitely contact school asap. You need to find out what happened. She shouldn't have been treated like that whatever she's done. And as she doesn't seem to know what she's done wrong it seems to have been a pointless and rather horrible thing anyway.

With regards the woman walking past the school, I would agree you've sounded blasé about it but as your dd reported the other girl, she is obviously aware that it's not ok.

LaBelleSauvage · 12/11/2018 11:43

I find it hard to believe someone could scream ao loud that they were inaudible. If it were outside the classroom and children in other classrooms heard, surely DD's teacher would have heard too?

Seems more likely your DD got into trouble and doesn't want to tell you what about. Perhaps the it wasn't to do with the playground incident at all?

I'd politely contact the school to ask what happened as the story from your DD doesn't make much sense.

Onthebrink87 · 12/11/2018 11:47

Teachers are there to teach and to discipline if required. If a teacher or TA can only discipline a child in a way they puts the fear of god into them and has them dreading school then they need pulling up and given extra training in my opinion. Children are not adults, they are the world differently and what may be a little thing to an adult can be utterly devastating to a young child! You are absolutely not being unreasonable in addressing it with the school! Good luck and I hope all gets sorted without too much of a fuss!

BarbarianMum · 12/11/2018 11:49

Yeah, you're not in the UK are you gift? That's not typically how these things end here, it's generally the vulnerable adult who's in danger.

Original poster

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 11:49

Recklessruby - she was DD's TA in Y1 and Y3. The only other time DD has had trouble with her is in Y1 when DD tied her shoelaces together on the carpet and couldn't get them undone. TA placed her on bench at playtime and made her waste her own playtime undoing them.

Classroom teacher is quiet from when I've spoken to her in the past, and the only thing DD told me about her is when TA demanded she come here (this was after the shouting at and during lesson) and the classroom teacher was standing beside TA frowning at her.

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 12/11/2018 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 11:59

"The only other time DD has had trouble with her is in Y1 when DD tied her shoelaces together on the carpet and couldn't get them undone. TA placed her on bench at playtime and made her waste her own playtime undoing them"

Just checking- you don't think the TA was being unreasonable there, do you?

Original poster

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 12:02

Bert - No. DD was very rowdy in infant years and I'm sure it taught her not to tie them together again. Teacher stood there and watched and I'm sure she would've helped if it was incredibly hard.

OP posts:

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