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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at this teacher?

82 replies

teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 10:18

On Friday my my DD aged 9 came home in tears. She told me the classroom's assistant teacher took her out of the classroom and then screamed in her face. I don't mean just yelling, she literally bent down and raised her voice at her and made her cry, and then continued to pick on her the rest of the day by ordering her about with not a stern voice but a plain mean one.

My DD thinks it was because they were in the field at playtime and there's a woman that often walks past the school as there's a neighbourhood close by and a girl in DD's class yelled "freaky friday" at the woman. It's not just a school thing - local kids also call her that. My DD told the playtime teacher and the girl was made to stand by the wall for a few measly minutes. Same girl also sits at the table with assistant teacher with a few other children that struggle with the work more than the other students, so I am guessing the girl told the teacher. AND DD only thinks it is because of that because while being screamed at she was too terrified to comprehend anything the teacher was saying. The only other problem we've had with this teacher is a few weeks ago my ex-DH was taking her to school and they still hadn't opened up the doors to let everyone in and it was 15 minutes past the regular time, ex-DH had work so he knocked on the door and they got let in. After putting her coat up she was interrogated on why her dad had banged on the door when he only knocked because they hadn't opened up and he was running late.

My DD isn't lying either. We live near two students who witnessed the whole thing. A girl in DD's class who told us and a girl in Y4 (classroom opposite Y5, no doors closed). She now broke down this morning because she was too scared to go to school in case the teacher shouted at her again.

WIBU to go in and see this teacher? I realise children get stern raised voices from teachers but my DD and the other two students told me it wasn't yelling but screaming the words out. Over something as trivial as a tattle tale? I'd rather my DD do that then join in and harass the poor woman.

OP posts:
Worriedmummybekind · 12/11/2018 12:03

Horrible. Yes speak to the teacher or headteacher. Sadly I have met a minority of school staff who are horribly bullying and enjoy the power they can exert (I’m a teacher, and certainly not all school staff!).

Rainuntilseptember15 · 12/11/2018 12:14

So there's a chance tha when the name-calling child was spoken to, she said your dd had been doing something too.
There's a chance that the TA knows this woman or knows something about her situation that made her lose the plot.
Please don't take your dd to this woman's house. She should not be put in this situation.
Do bring the whole sorry mess to the ears of the HT as the school should be coming down like a ton of bricks on this behaviour.
Finally, please don't write teacher when you know fine well it was a TA which is not the same job, training or level of responsibility. Just an attention grabbing thread title.

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 12:14

I must remember to tell my children not to taunt vulnerable people because they might get shot.......Hmm

Have you rung the school yet, OP?

PineappleTart · 12/11/2018 12:16

So no one in the classroom opposite with doors open on to the corridor thought to step in when the TA was screaming? I think perhaps you need to find out what really happened

Stompythedinosaur · 12/11/2018 12:22

I hate shouting, but i do wonder if there is a chance the kids are exaggerating. It seems unlikely that they have no idea why they were being told off.

I hope you get an answer from the school, I would go in to ask too.

Scubalubs87 · 12/11/2018 12:23

I think you need to speak to the teacher. It’s clear from your daughter’s account of events that something is not right. Either the adult involved was massively out of line or there are some huge gaps in the story . Chn are often not very reliable retellers of events, for a variety ofreasons, so I think you need to speak to the school to get clarity about what actually occurred.

Original poster
teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 12:25

Rain - Sorry, I didn't know TA meant a different thing. Just googled and the teacher that yelled at DD is the teaching aide. She's been a classroom teacher before.

Thanks for all the replies. Will update on what really happened and what went down in a few days.

OP posts:
Rainuntilseptember15 · 12/11/2018 12:36

Ok OP. It must be very stressful hearing all this from your dd. Just arm yourself with the facts and deal with things from there.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/11/2018 12:55

TA placed her on bench at playtime and made her waste her own playtime undoing them.

I actually think that is was a good idea.

FindaPenny · 12/11/2018 13:03

Just wondering why you would think your daughter was only telling the teacher to get the other girl in trouble, rather than because the other girl was being unkind to the lady?

Original poster
teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 15:01

Finda - The girl is massively known to be a tattle tale. DD has come home with stories such as "girl told on ... for this and that" ect. She was probably giving the girl a taste of her own medicine although if out of the two I hope DD did do it to defend the woman.

Picking DC up soon and will find out what happened. Already been some days since the incident so I don't want to push it out too long.

OP posts:
TheOrigBrave · 12/11/2018 15:14

The girl is massively known to be a tattle tale

How do you know this? Is it discussed among the parents?

My 9yo DS is always going on about who does this, who does that, who says this, that and the other, but it's certainly not something I talk about with other parents.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 12/11/2018 15:17

Well there is obviously more to this. Your dd wouldn’t have been in any trouble for letting a teacher know that another child was shouting abuse at a member of the public.
And I suspect that your dds description of being shouted at inches from her face so loud she couldn’t make out the words is somewhat exaggerated. It makes the TA sound possessed and with schools being open plan these days someone would have intervened if a TA was having that kind of meltdown. I suspect your dd knows exactly why she was being told off and doesn’t want to tell you.

Westyola · 12/11/2018 15:36

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Andro · 12/11/2018 15:45

Westyola

Setting aside for a moment the very real possibility that there's more to this than OP is currently aware of...

If one of your students had found your shouting so distressing that they were scared of returning to your class, would you want to made aware of that?

Westyola · 12/11/2018 15:48

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bringbackthestripes · 12/11/2018 15:54

took her out of the classroom and then screamed in her face

classroom opposite Y5, no doors closed

Yet no other adults came out and said “miss x I need you” and intervened?

BumsexAtTheBingo · 12/11/2018 16:27

Well yes I would speak to the teacher if my child was very sensitive to being told off. I wouldn’t for a second believe that they had been screaming like a maniac in her face to the extent her words were unintelligible completely unchallenged though. Although firstly the op said her child was too scared to understand what was said before it was pointed out that other children apparently heard - then it was changed to her screaming being unintelligible to anyone.
There seems to be a fair bit of spin put on the situation by the op never mind the child...being interrogated about her dad knocking on the door - not sure how that is different to being asked??? And the op seems very certain about the precise tone the ta was using, how she was standing etc despite not being there...

LaBelleSauvage · 12/11/2018 16:37

@bumsex seconded. If there was crazy screaming next to several classrooms... I find it hard to believe it was just accepted by the other teachers.

Crazy screaming might (MIGHT) happen if a child threatened another child with scissors or a knife or something and there was immediate danger... in the heat of the moment... very slightly maybe. Not if she had told on someone being abusive. Unless TA is some sort of undiagnosed schizophrenic having a delusion...

Very keen to hear what the teacher says!

LaBelleSauvage · 12/11/2018 16:39

What happened OP? Did you find out?

Has the TA been sectioned for her crazy meltdown?!

Original poster
teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 16:55

It seems a few that commented were right. Apparently there was a misunderstanding and DD was thought to of been the one that harassed the woman. Playtime monitor went and told the teachers but she must've gotten DD and girl mixed up. Teacher did apologise sincerely and said she lost her temper and that she should've dealt with it more appropriately and professionally.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 12/11/2018 16:58

Interested to read what happened next

BumsexAtTheBingo · 12/11/2018 17:03

Funny how these threads always end up with the school staff apologising unreservedly for being unprofessional.
Did the teacher tell you whether the ta would be disciplined for screaming directly into a child’s face in such a crazed rage that they couldn’t be understood or are they just letting it go?

Original poster
teardroptoken · 12/11/2018 17:07

Bum - I'm not sure a teacher can discipline the teaching aid? My DD is 9 and I'm sure she did exaggerate the shouting - as did her the other children that saw - but she was still so upset and crying that she did not take a word of the shouting in. Teacher said sorry and headmaster and classroom teacher also apologised.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 12/11/2018 17:14

No it wouldn’t be the teachers job but wouldn’t you expect some reassurance? After all the other children couldn’t make out what was being said either. Scary stuff.