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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have gotten a tattoo

56 replies

slupupasit · 11/11/2018 23:44

I'm not sure what I can do about this now. I got a tattoo on my upper arm a few months ago of a smallish sun and moon. I've always wanted one but DH was very vocal about not liking them. A work colleague convinced me that I should get it and I decided to bring it up with DH. As expected he wasn't particularly supportive but he said if I was sure then he'd pay for it for my birthday.

I had it done and he said it was fine obviously wasn't overly complimentary. He hasn't mentioned it since until this week. I'd started to regret the whole thing as I'd realized that I was always trying to hide it around DH. I mentioned this to him this morning, hoping he'd give me some reassurance. Instead he told me he hated it and was glad I was hiding it from him. He said he couldn't bare to look at me when he can see it. Apparently he wanted to stop me but thought if it was that important to me it would grow on him. He then said he thinks the biggest regret of his life is not being clearly against it.
I don't know what to do now. I'm devastated, and if I could roll back the clock I'd do it instantly.

OP posts:

safariboot · 11/11/2018 23:48

The tat sounds nice. Your DH is being a git.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 11/11/2018 23:48

Well, he told you he didn’t like them and you went ahead and did it anyway, which is fine; your body, your choice.

However you made that choice knowing he didn’t like them, so expecting him to reassure you or to magically start liking them is silly.

He paid for it as a present, he didn’t try and stop you, he’s tried to get on board with it (but it seems he can’t, fair enough) and he didn’t mention how much he disliked it until you pretty much asked him. So I’m not sure what you want, from him or the situation in general.

KC225 · 11/11/2018 23:49

I hate them too. I get where he is coming g from. But even though they are a massive turn off for me, I think he's a tad over
dramatic saying its the biggest regret of his life.

You only have three options, you cover, you have it removed or he gets used to it. As much as I hate them, perhaps you should leave it uncovered at home so he gets used to it.

pumpkinpie01 · 11/11/2018 23:52

I’m sure he will get used to it, it sounds like he’s being rather over the top saying he can’t bare to look at you !

Disneyfan18 · 11/11/2018 23:52

Your dh is being way to over dramatic. My dh got a tattoo in magaluf earlier this hear when he was drunk (I was present) I hated it then and hate it now but I don't care i just take the piss out of him and we both laugh it's on his chest and it can be covered.. it was my name what a numpty. Ignore dh.

pumpkinpie01 · 11/11/2018 23:54

And as for saying it’s the biggest regret of his life I take it he has had a very easy charmed life ?!

Aquamarine1029 · 11/11/2018 23:55

He told you he didn't like tattoos. You knew this. What if he wanted a body modification that turned you off and he got it anyway? You've made your bed.

petbear · 11/11/2018 23:57

Agree with Aqua sorry. I don't know what you want us to say.

AssassinatedBeauty · 11/11/2018 23:58

If that really is the biggest regret of his life then he his lucky. And over dramatic.

He could have been clearer about exactly how much he disliked them and why, which might have changed your mind. It's not really fair of him to be so dramatic about it now, especially after paying for it for your birthday.

If you don't think he'll ever get used to it, and you're prepared to change yourself to suit him, then I'd suggest that he pays for the removal treatment.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 00:01

It's not really fair of him to be so dramatic about it now, especially after paying for it for your birthday.

OP says he’s always been very vocal about not liking tattoos. She also said he didn’t like the idea when she broached it with him, so yes, it is fair of him to remind her how much he dislikes them since she completely disregarded his likes and dislikes in the first place (which again is fine, her body her choice, but she has to live with the consequences of that decision and not expect him to like it now she has one).

HowOftenDoYouClean · 12/11/2018 00:03

I think hes been fair enough said he didnt like them but supported OP as it was her wish. Didnt complain about it until she coaxed it out of him. Ok the biggest regret of his life is dramatic but we dont know the tone in which he said it, and we dont know how OP has gone about voicing how much she thinks she regrets it, if she had been talking about it a lot it may have been out of jokey exasperation.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 00:13

Paying for it for her birthday is a bit of big mixed message though.

Original poster

slupupasit · 12/11/2018 00:13

Okay, it seems to be a bit mixed. I do think he can get over dramatic so perhaps he may calm down given time.
I think I got so caught up in the it is my decision and choice that I saw his grudging acceptance as a go ahead it'll be fine.
I know there aren't many options now. I'm more looking for confirmation on whether I've been foolish and shouldn't be making my own decisions on anything.

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 00:19

Paying for it for her birthday is a bit of big mixed message though.

AssassinatedBeauty No it isn’t. It’s an “I have repeatedly made it clear I don’t like tattoos but you are my partner and so I will try and support you.”

I'm more looking for confirmation on whether I've been foolish and shouldn't be making my own decisions on anything.

OP You were foolish to think he would change his mind once you had one. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make decisions, it means that as an adult you need to deal with the consequences of your decisions and learn from them.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 00:29

Hmm, ok, to me it seems like a mixed message. It seems unfair to me to agree to it, pay for it as a birthday present but then be so upset about it afterwards. Beforehand was the time to be clear exactly how much he hates them, to the point where it's the single biggest regret of his life!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 00:57

Beforehand was the time to be clear exactly how much he hates them, to the point where it's the single biggest regret of his life!

He was. OP said he’s always been very vocal about disliking them. She disregarded that and now appears confused he doesn’t like it

Also, the OP’s partner didn’t need to agree to it. It’s her body and she didn’t ask for or need his permission. He’s allowed to make his preferences and likes and dislikes clear (which he very much did), but at the end of the day OP had the final decision. She chose to ignore his preferences and now must deal with the consequences.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 01:02

Yes, I don't think he was clear enough. He shouldn't have paid for it as her birthday present. He should have been clearer that he would find it off putting and not want to even see it. Then the OP would have been able to make a decision with full facts.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 01:16

She did have the full facts. She chose to ignore them.

If someone is very vocal about not liking something, they are making it perfectly clear that they don’t like it.

Hauskat · 12/11/2018 01:18

The biggest regret of his life? That has got to be the most absurd hyperbole hasn’t it? And was obviously going to make you feel shitty. I think he is being an arse. I would be appalled with myself if I made my DH feel horrible about some part of his body.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 01:20

Why the hell did he pay for it and go along with it then, knowing that he would hate it? If he wanted to try and support her then he also needs to not make a fuss about it now it's done.

MrsTerryPratcett · 12/11/2018 01:24

He can't win really. He can't help that he doesn't like them. But supported her decision because it's HER body, he even paid. he hasn't lied and he's been consistent. All great qualities.

Don't really see how he could have done anything else, except change his personality or lie.

orangejuicer · 12/11/2018 01:25

He'll get over it. It's a tattoo, hardly the end of the world.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 01:26

Why the hell did he pay for it and go along with it then, knowing that he would hate it?

Because he’s not a dick, nor is he a petulant child. He knew she wanted it despite her knowing he didn’t like them and he knew it was not his place to try and discourage or stop her.

If he wanted to try and support her then he also needs to not make a fuss about it now it's done.

He said nothing until she pushed him into it by looking for reassurance, which she should have known she wouldn’t get because he has always been very vocal about his dislike of tattoos.

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/11/2018 01:29

He could easily have not offered to pay for it as a present, and he could have said exactly how much he doesn't like them without being a dick about it.

I agree that pushing for reassurance wasn't wise, but he was very cruel in what he actually said.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 12/11/2018 01:36

She knew how much he didn’t like them; he’s always been very vocal about it. His views haven’t changed; they’ve been consistent and she’s always known them.

Short of taking out an ad in the newspaper, he couldn’t have made it any clearer.

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