To have gotten a tattoo

[slupupasit]

I'm not sure what I can do about this now. I got a tattoo on my upper arm a few months ago of a smallish sun and moon. I've always wanted one but DH was very vocal about not liking them. A work colleague convinced me that I should get it and I decided to bring it up with DH. As expected he wasn't particularly supportive but he said if I was sure then he'd pay for it for my birthday.

I had it done and he said it was fine obviously wasn't overly complimentary. He hasn't mentioned it since until this week. I'd started to regret the whole thing as I'd realized that I was always trying to hide it around DH. I mentioned this to him this morning, hoping he'd give me some reassurance. Instead he told me he hated it and was glad I was hiding it from him. He said he couldn't bare to look at me when he can see it. Apparently he wanted to stop me but thought if it was that important to me it would grow on him. He then said he thinks the biggest regret of his life is not being clearly against it.
I don't know what to do now. I'm devastated, and if I could roll back the clock I'd do it instantly.

YABU. Your husband was supportive despite making it very clear he didn't like them. Credit to him. He sounds nice

Not sure what you are hoping for as it's permanent now so I suppose you should try to accept it.

I imagine it's why so many people think they are silly- because if you decide you don't like it you're stuck with it.

I think the issue of paying for it is a red herring. If he said no and made a big deal of not supporting it or any real attempt at stopping her we'd now be talking about if he was abusive.

Controlling*

Biggest regret of his life seems very dramatic. He may have said he doesn’t like tattoos but you said a smallish sun and moon. You haven’t gone and got a full sleeve. He doesn’t have to see it all the time and it doesn’t really have any effect on his life.

If you like them OP and you wanted that tattoo for a long time then be pleased with it and proud and don’t be disheartened by anyone else’s view of it even if it’s your husband. You can still be proud of the tattoo without shoving it down his throat. I think it’s a good thing to do for yourself.

Sorry, but you can't have your cake and eat it. You got a tattoo purely because you wanted one, when you know your husband hates them. Which is totally your right. But now you have to deal with the consequence of that decision (i.e. accepting that DH finds your new tattoo unattractive).

He doesn't get a say. Your body and all of that.

My dh doesn't like tattoos. He just doesn't and that's fair enough. Unfortunately I had one before I met him and he hates it. So do I. Wish I had never had it done.

Op your dh made his feelings and opinion absolutely clear before you went ahead. What more could he have done? Did you think he would change his mind once he saw it? If he doesn't like tattoos he doesn't like them.

"biggest regret of his life' - he's obviously overreacting. That, or he's had a remarkably problem-free life until now. It shouldn't be surprising to you that he doesn't like your tattoo, but to make such a big deal out of it - having paid for you to get it - now you have it on you forever is just ridiculous. There's nothing you can do about it now short of laser.

How would you feel about the tattoo if it weren't for his reaction?

He doesn’t have to like it, it is on your body. You can’t be upset that he hates it though, he did tell you this. I absolutely hate tattoos, so I won’t get any on my body, but don’t care what people do on their own bodies. Simple.

I think him saying it is the biggest regret of his life is a bit over the top.

But other than that, YABU. He told you he didn't like them, he clearly didn't want you to get one (but supported you nevertheless), so you can't expect him to like it now.

I am thinking that when he says it's the biggest regret, he means he feels he shouldn't have paid for it. He probably feels that was the wrong decision. Especially since op is uncomfortable and trying to hide it.

Op, he paid for it to support you. He recognised it wasn't his decision and supported you in your decision. And it sounds like he wouldn't have told you he he didn't like it, if you hadn't have asked. Not sure what you want from him. He has been honest in his opinions, but still supported you regardless.

Not sure, why you mention your co worker convinced you. It's like you regret the tattoo and are trying to blame everyone else for going ahead with it. You chose to do this.

I have 4 tattoos. I had one while with my ex. He wasn't a fan, so I didn't have anymore. I knew he wasn't keen, but it was my decision and that was that. I knew if I continued having them it would bother him, though he didn't say that. So I didn't.

I have had 3 since more since we split. You CAN be trusted to make your own decisions. However you need to live with the consquences of them. Many people have tattoos they regret. I have. I have 4 tattoos, you can see but have had 6. I have had two covered up. One was done this weekend.

I chose to have tattoos. I know that the consquences of that choice are mine.

I don’t think YABU to get a tattoo that you wanted. Your body, your choice. Your DH shouldn’t have paid for it if he was that against it. He probably hoped you would change your mind. To say it’s the biggest regret of his life is majorly over dramatic and makes him sound like he was having a tantrum because you didn’t go with his choice.

Why did he pay for it?
Clearly so he could then use it as a stick to beat the OP until hell freezes over.
Astonished at some of the Stepford replies. Reads like some of you have done a typo when you trot out "your body your choice" AFTER saying the man of the house had made his feelings clear and should have been obeyed.
Mumsnet really has changed.
OP- he sounds about 3. Tell him to give over and grow up.

Clearly so he could then use it as a stick to best OP.

Not clearly at all. OP said he had not mentioned it, he only spoke about it when OP demanded to know what he thought because she required some reassuring.

Nobody has said she should have obeyed her husband. People have said she can't expect him to like ithe tattoo seeing as he already told her he doesn't like tattoos.

In any case there is nothing wrong with taking a partners feelings into consideration. I don't like tattoos or facial hair, my husband takes that into consideration (although he likes tatooos less than I do).

Biggest regret of his life? What a bellwhiff.
He's clearly led a charmed life if a small tattoo is that much of an issue.

Book what thread are you reading? Can you point to one post which says she shouldn't have gotten a tattoo because he doesn't like them?

Clearly so he could then use it as a stick to beat the OP until hell freezes over.

Except he didn't. She asked him and he gave her the same answer he has always given her.

And fuck off with the stepford shit. Op is free to do as she wants. He even supported her in doing what's she wants. He also has the right to not like it. She could do what I did. Had it done and just got with life.

When you are in a relationship you are free to do what you want to your body. But that doesn't mean the partner has to change their opinion and like it too.

A partner shouldn't be forcing you to do something to your body or forcing you to not do something. A partner also shouldn't expect their partners opinion to change because they want to do something.

He’s been absolutely honest with you all the way along.

What you wanted was for him to lie to you now.

As for being over dramatic:

I'm more looking for confirmation on whether I've been foolish and shouldn't be making my own decisions on anything

What now?

One tattoo you aren’t quite sure about and you are going to defer to him for the rest of your life?

Don’t be ridiculous.

You DH probably won’t ever actively like your tattoo, but he’ll no doubt get used to it over time.

Meanwhile have the courage of your convictions and take a bit of responsibility for your own actions.

I think you are hoping for too much if you want him to magically start liking something you knew in advance he hated. But he Isaac being OTT. I would start keeping it uncovered so he gets used to it - he will eventually!

*is being!

I'm more looking for confirmation on whether I've been foolish and shouldn't be making my own decisions on anything.

Also, this is fucking nuts and a bit pathetic. Your husband doesn’t like your tattoo so you don’t think you can be trusted to make your own decisions on anything? Say that back to yourself out loud and realise how absurd it is. The bench mark for acceptable decision making is not whether your husband approves 🙄🙄🙄

Tattoos are really 'common' in my opinion and immediately make me think of Jeremy Kyle types. I don't care if that makes me sound judgey. If DH wanted one id do the same as your DP and say if you really want it, get it, but don't expect me to like it. I'd also find it a huge turn off. What's the point exactly of having a sun and moon stuck on your arm, are you a weather woman?