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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wash 7yo's hair in a bowl instead of in the shower?

86 replies

WhereforeArtThouManatee · 11/11/2018 20:00

DS hates getting his hair washed. He showers fine, washes himself well, dries off. But doesn't shampoo his hair in the shower.

I wash it for him 1 - 2 times per week, he leans back over a bowl in the kitchen and I give it a quick shampoo. Takes 5 mins.

DP is going mad over this, says he's 7, he should be able to do this. I think it's not a big deal, i didn't grow up with a shower and we used to wash hair like this.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 11/11/2018 21:07

I have sensory difficulties relating to my autism diagnosis and I cannot tolerate touching long hair so my parents would wash it either in a bucket/large bowl or when I was in the bath (no shower) obviously I got to a point at 11/12ish where I could do it alone but when I'm ill or sad I'll ask my mam to wash my hair in the sink or bowl and she does and then she combs my hair with a fine tooth comb and nice hair care stuff and it relaxes me so I fall asleep sitting on the floor with my head on her knee. My sisters get mam to do this and they do it with their kids. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you no longer want someone to take care of something as simple as that for you from time to time. It's fine for your son not to know how to do this yet, just teach him and if he still wants you to do it, do it. He won't want it forever.

Allthewaves · 11/11/2018 21:08

Swimming goggles. He can pop them on do his hair and give u a shout to check he's washed it out

Flowerpot2005 · 11/11/2018 21:16

I had exactly the same problem with DD, hated her hair washed with a passion.

Got her lying back in the bath to wet it, quick shampoo & rinse it off. Face wash first, then hair, then the rest. Worked a treat because no water or shampoo running down her face. Just keep a face cloth handy in case.

RebelWitchFace · 11/11/2018 21:18

DD is nearly 7. She can't,at least not properly. Oh and she hates it too. Will let her know tomorrow how utterly incompetent she is.

Original poster

WhereforeArtThouManatee · 11/11/2018 21:18

Ok, he has short hair and there's no particular reason for him not to be able to do this. So as I said earlier, I'm going to work on teaching him how to do this.

Thank you for the great tips, I think goggles might help, I'll try with those.

Card while I totally appreciate the range of opinions to my question, your attitude is particularly ugly. There's room in this world for all kinds of personalities and preferences, and for leaving room for leeway on things that are not life-or-death, and for basic kindness to small children and to each other. I've certainly spent more time teaching my DS about kindness than hair washing technique so far, and I'm comfortable with that order of priorities.

OP posts:

Whipsmart · 11/11/2018 21:23

Does it really matter where it gets washed? I think your dh is making a problem where there isn't one.

helpfulperson · 11/11/2018 21:26

Total non problem. Does it really matter if he does this for the rest of his life? Obviously at some point he will need to do it himself rather than you do it but no reason why that can't be over a bowl.

I hate showers and only have them when in hotels where there is no other option. Always wash hair either in that bath or over a basin.

Talkingfrog · 11/11/2018 21:41

Dd is 7.5. When she was little we struggled with hair washing as she had a fear of her face being splashed. We struggled to wet her hair with a flannel. (she would happily go swimming though, but I think it was to do with being on control of her face being splashed)
We built it up gradually and she is now fine washing her hair. It gets rinsed either using a shower head at home or using a jug at nanny's.
Although she has done the shampoo herself for a little while, she has only started doing it all herself recently after swimming. We don't go it every week though. It is hard for her to work out where to stand for it to get rinsed properly do takes ages, and a one times it is a I hot I just need to leave.
It sounds to me like dp is making more of it than needs be.
Parent led bath time won't last for long now so enjoy it while it lasts.

Stormwhale · 11/11/2018 21:46

Maybe I'm a bit soft, but this wouldn't bother me. As long as he ends up clean, what is the harm really. I wouldn't make it a big deal, perhaps suggest he tries just wetting his hair in the shower first, to get used to avoiding it going in his eyes before adding shampoo.

If your dp keeps making a fuss over it tell him he will be taking over full responsibility for the issue without resorting to just shouting at the poor kid. If he isn't willing to do that, he needs to leave it to you.

chickywoo · 11/11/2018 21:54

Is it the shampoo in his eyes or the water on his head/eyes he doesn’t like? What’s he like when he goes swimming? One of my dc hated having hair washed used to scream! And would always prefer baths to showers, after having swimming lessons seemed to get used to having head in the water, and been ok since with hair washing

CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 22:00

I just cannot imagine a 7 yo without special needs not being able to wash his own hair.

Can he wipe his bum on his own? Or do you supervise that as well?

RebelWitchFace · 11/11/2018 22:01

As an aside I'm 33 and I rarely (unless there's no other option) wash my hair in the shower. I wash it in the bath. Somehow I manage to function.

Dutch1e · 11/11/2018 22:03

He's only 7, jeez.

Just because he probably can learn to do it himself doesn't mean you should stop doing this small thing that doesn't bother you and makes him feel good.

I can make my own cuppa but I feel loved when someone else does it for me. YANBU

RebelWitchFace · 11/11/2018 22:05

@CardCardCard then you lack imagination. You should work on that.

eloliphant · 11/11/2018 22:09

I couldn't wash my hair in the shower until I was 9. I don't know why, I just couldn't get the hang of not getting it in my eyes. I wore Swimming Goggles whilst learning how to do it and it was fine.

I'm not a snowflake, no special needs, I've turned out fine. Don't worry about it OP, I don't think it's a big deal, he will learn eventually

CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 22:09

Or maybe you should work on helping your 7yo wash his own hair!

CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 22:12

I think I must be living in a parallel universe here.

I was sent to boarding school aged 6. The idea of not being able to wash yourself (and your hair) properly is

RebelWitchFace · 11/11/2018 22:20

Yes,must be the TwatLight Zone.
You're better than other average 7 yos. Congratulations. Want a cookie with that medal?

Pashazade · 11/11/2018 22:23

If he has an issue with the shampoo more than the water then don't use any just give his hair a good rinse and massage his scalp well. I'm still washing DS7's hair for him couldn't care less what anyone else thinks he'll sort himself soon enough. I don't use shampoo as it took such a long just for him being happy with his hair getting wet that adding shampoo to the mix was too much. I have zero intention of introducing him to shampoo either. His hair is short so water is more than adequate to keep his scalp and hair clean. It smells absolutely fine.

CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 22:23

Well yes. Obviously as a 50 plus year old person I’m more skilled than a 7 yo.

But back to the topic in hand, a 7 yo not being able to wash his/her own hair suggests special needs

Original poster

WhereforeArtThouManatee · 11/11/2018 22:26

Card!! I think, actually, that parallel universes is probably pretty accurate, if you boarded from age 6!

As a child I came home from school every day to my home and my mum and sister. We were close, we were poor but warm and kind and caring. At 7, I want my DS enveloped in that kind of warmth and safeness. It doesn't mean we don't challenge him or want him to be independent and resilient. I just believe those things can be built from a base of security and kindness - that was my experience.

But there are many ways to live, I'm sure you thrived at boarding school, and your perspective must be very much informed by that experience.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 11/11/2018 22:30

Would no-more tears baby shampoo help? I still buy it for my four year old as she’s a reluctant washer.

But he should learn to do it himself. It’s a basic life skill.

CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 22:32

With all respect, I think you are conflating security/being kind and caring with babying your kid.

But there’s nothing wrong with that if he grows up to be healthy and capable.

I just think a 7yo is old enough to be able to wash their own hair.

Believeitornot · 11/11/2018 22:33

@CardCardCard

Being sent to boarding school obviously hardened your heart.... left you wth the inability to empathise. Something which is a well known issue of young boarders.

Can’t believe you’re suggesting special needs.

janisposh · 11/11/2018 22:34

I hate the ‘they are X age, they should be doing Y by now’

So what if you wash a 7yo’s hair. Honestly, it won’t be detrimental to his future success.

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