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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel upset that my closest friend hasn't been in touch since I told her my sister is going to die *possible trigger*

107 replies

Floottoot · 11/11/2018 17:17

Just that, really.

My sister was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer out of the blue in August. She started chemo, seemed to be doing ok and then things suddenly started to go wrong and at the beginning of this week, we were told that there was nothing more that could be done for her. She was moved from hospital to her home yesterday, by ambulance, to spend what little time she has left at home. She is unable to eat and they have stopped feeding her, so it's only a matter of time now.
As a family, we are completely heartbroken, not least because she loves in a different part of the country to me, my mum and my other siblings and she doesn't feel she wants to see us before she does (she's already very weak and bed-bound, and she doesn't want us to see her like that).

I messaged my closest friend what was happening as soon as I found out. She didn't really say much (I get it - it's not easy to know what to say), but she hasn't been in touch at all since. Not a word. Nothing.
We've been best friends for years, talk all the time on messenger, see each other regularly (she lives less than 15 minutes from me) etc, so it is not normal behaviour from her.
Other friends have messaged, if only to let me know they're thinking of me.

At such a bloody awful time, it seems ridiculous that I'm dwelling on whether someone's messaged me or not...but I am. I've found myself feeling more and more angry as the days have gone and still no word from her. I've always done my best to be there for her, as I have for all my friends, always celebrated her family's highs and tried to help her though the lows, so I just feel hurt by her silence.

I'm being unreasonable, aren't I?

OP posts:
Rosethistle7 · 24/11/2018 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosethistle7 · 24/11/2018 00:16

I'm so so sorry OP, I hadn't read the update. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister Flowers.

everydaymum · 24/11/2018 00:16

Your friend may be giving you space, she may have major issues of her own going on, your sisters death may be a trigger for her, she may not know what to say, or she could just be selfish. There could be any number of reasons you haven't heard from her. YANBU to expect to hear from her, but until you know why you're not, it is unreasonable to think badly of her for the lack of response.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/11/2018 00:16

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Thinking of you & your family.

stiffstink · 24/11/2018 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stiffstink · 24/11/2018 00:38

OP I am so sorry not to have not seen your NC and update and I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you understand that my previous post was sent with practical thoughts and my absolute best wishes to you.

Alsoplayspiccolo · 26/11/2018 08:18

Thank you for your kind words.

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