To be really disappointed that DP didnt come with me

[Stubbornuincorn]

DP refused to come to the Rememberance service with me this morning. He chose to go to the gym instead. It’s really got to me so I’m just wondering if I’m being U.

I was brought up to always pay my respects on 11/11. My brother is in the armed forces and I had relatives in both world wars so it means a lot to me and I told him that so I just feel shit that the gym was more important. It comes above most things in our life and I don’t often moan but today I feel let down.

AIBU?

Congratulations. You win 'oxymoron of the day' award

Uh huh. Cunningly missing out the bit where I was responding to someone mooting the “true meaning of Christmas” I.e. the Christianity. Which (a) doesn’t refer to everyone and (b) is wrong anyway!

He has freedom of choice and not everyone has the same priorities. You can still respect the dead and victims of war without needing to attend one of the ceremonies.

It’s a bit like when someone doesn’t wear a poppy on telly and people email in completely raging at the disrespect. It doesn’t mean that person is being disrespectful or thinks badly of those lost.

To add some clarification - he does spend a lot of time in the gym and his fitness and diet plan does dominate our lives quite a lot HOWEVER I get on with it, I enjoy my own company, have plenty of friends and family to spend time with and go to the gym myself, so I’ve gotten to the point where it doesn’t usually bother me that he goes so much.

However, there are occasions, such as this where he will choose the gym over me or something that’s particularly important to me, but it isn’t that often.

I wouldn’t usually post about it but just because of the nature of today I wanted to know what others thought. I’m not asking for advice on how to deal with him being at the gym so much. I apologise if I conflated the two issues.

I think I’m more upset that he doesn’t think of it is a worthwhile or important thing to do rather than him choosing the gym over me IYSWIM.

Thanks for the responses so far though, it’s been interesting to read other people’s thoughts.

To be honest OP, I think it’s better that he didn’t go if it’s not as important to him as the gym. After witnessing some of the disgraceful, disrespectful behaviour at the service I went to this morning, by people who clearly had no real interest in being there, I think the increase in performative ‘remembrance’ in order to virtue signal really takes away from the true purpose of the day.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t be very disappointed if it were my partner.

You are probably right there @ladygrey66 - I witnessed some pretty disrespectful behaviour earlier myself so it seems like people just don’t care as much anymore!

@stubbornuincorn I actually feel quite sad about the lack of respect shown today - I asked a group of men who had talked and sworn loudly throughout the entire service, including on their mobiles during the prayers, if they’d mind watching their language when they started throwing the c word around. Got told to go fuck myself. I think I might stay at home next year.

@ladygrey66 what horrible behaviour! Well done you for saying something. It’s a very sad state of affairs when people can’t show some respect for half an hour, once a year. Idiots.

Urghh - if he didnt want to go so what?! Its important to you, not to him. He is his own person you know OP? My mum pushed and pushed and pushed God on me and the moment i left home i decided to take a break from religion. You cannot force someone to believe in something you believe in - stop being selfish. For the record - my grandfather fought in the war. I would never dream of forcing my partner to come to a special service with me if he said no.

I’m Belgian and fully aware of the impact of the wars without needing to go to a service.

I'm Czech by nationality and feel the same.

I feel that a lot of the things today have been virtual signalling and have ignored what the consequences of war really mean.

I suppose if you are questioning whether you have different values, I could understand it.
As a family we always buy a poppy and make a donation. Always observe the silence (often at work) and sometimes go to the local parade. The rest of the year, I often go to look at the war memorial in any new town I go to and think about the sacrifice made.

My son was at a service in Westminster Cathedral this morning as he is in the RAF. I watched the coverage at the Cenotaph on TV. I didn't need to go to a service/parade to show how much I am grateful.

But you watched the coverage, presumably observed the silence? I probably wouldn’t have minded if DP would rather have stayed home and done that, but he didn’t care at all

I think you are being unreasonable. Maybe he done his silence at the gym?

I didn't go to a service. I do remember I'm my own way

@Ladygrey66

I actually feel quite sad about the lack of respect shown today - I asked a group of men who had talked and sworn loudly throughout the entire service, including on their mobiles during the prayers, if they’d mind watching their language when they started throwing the c word around. Got told to go fuck myself. I think I might stay at home next year.

Really? This happened in Church? Seriously?

What kind of place do you live that has people like this, who attend CHURCH?

Leighhalfpenny, ahoj.

@petbear no, at the service at the cenotaph at my city hall.

Its not about supporting his DP, its about putting on a fake public display that you support dead people who fought in wars. How does attending an annual generic religious ceremony support his DP?

What happened to tolerance of free will, didn't people fight for that?

Would he be fair in saying his DP doesn't support him because she doesn't come to the gym with him every time he goes?

I don't wear a poppy.Iwas busy so no 2 min silence either.
My dd went to the parades as a brownie and guide and wore her poppy at school.
I think my problem is that having nursed a lot of vets.when I was younger I have heard their stories and also noted their silence on the subject .And like the Last Tommy said in one of his interviews ,War is just organised murder.
There has been more coverage this year and it seems to me we have more to be ashamed of in the way we have sent teenagers and young men to war,in this contry and in the colonies.
So many died not fighting but of disease and infections.They were told it was a war to end wars.

@Ladygrey66

Wow that is disgusting behaviour. Shame on them.

Would he be fair in saying his DP doesn't support him because she doesn't come to the gym with him every time he goes?

I suppose you could see it like that, but going to the gym presumably isn't an meaningful, emotional experience for him that he'd like her support for (the OP says "it means alot to me" in her post).

People go to things all the time for their DP's sakes- social events they don't really want to attend, or standing on the sidelines in the cold cheering at races (I know several marathon runners)!

My impression was that she'd really have appreciated him coming to this with her, and he said no, I want to go to the gym. She was disappointed.

I think that as your partner he should accompany you to something if you've asked him to and it's important to you. Why would he not? If I asked my dh to come with me to something/anything that was important to me, if he possibly could, he'd be there