Breakfast war. WIBU?

[Passthegin99]

Just had a massive row about a fry up and need to know which of us is BU.

Me and DP have a 13 week old who sleeps badly. I do a the night shifts regardless of whether it's a weekend or not as DP takes medication that makes it harder to wake up at night. I usually get up every 1 to 2 hours with DS. It's a killer so as standard I hand him over to DP around 6 or 7 to try and get a couple of hours rest before the day starts.

This morning I handed him over just before 8 and got back up at 10.30 and was handed the baby immediately so i took him into the kitchen, tidied up the debris of DP's breakfast (he'd evidently had toast and marmalade) and made my own - porridge in the microwave. DP not present.

FF to 12.30 and I come into the kitchen with DS to find DP sitting down to a full fry up (sausage, bacon, black pudding, eggs, you name it) FOR ONE. Apparently he didn't offer to make some for me because I 'had just eaten'. I'm breastfeeding. And I'm up all night. I am always starving and he knows that. And tbf to him he normally cooks for me all the time which makes it extra surprising that he just created this delicious feast just for himself.

I obviously huffed a bit but said it's fine, I'll make some when I get back from taking DS and the dogs for a walk. But then somehow - probably because he felt bad? - he flipped the whole thing to be my fault BECAUSE I DIDN'T OFFER TO MAKE HIM PORRIDGE. Apparently he was upset!

He's adamant that making porridge in the microwave is the same as cooking a fry up. It isn't, right? One takes 4 minutes and one bowl is entirely independent of the other. Whereas a fry takes a while and you do both portions at the same time.

Plus HOW can he have been offended by my not offering him porridge? FFS. He'd already had toast!

Who is being unreasonable, Mumsnet?

I'd expect hubby to offer tbh. You can't really equate a fry up with porridge - unless he fucking loves porridge? Fry ups are bloody amazing!

He had toast, you had porridge, so therefore you both should of had the fry up

YANBH

I wouldn't dream that someone who is zapping a bowl of porridge in the microwave should offer me one but would really appreciate them offering me a fry up.

He was massively unreasonable. My dh just wouldn't do a fry up without at least offering me some.

Sounds like you are both at that shitty, knackered, fucked off with everything stage which you get to when you have a young baby that doesn't sleep. The stage when everything the other person does is infuriating and makes you murderous, even over trivial stuff.
I think he should have at least offered you a fry up really. It would have been nice! As you are doing all the nights, I think he could offer you a bit more "you" time at the weekend too.

Very weird of him not to offer. I had a similar bad sleeping baby and did all the night shifts as was breastfeeding and baby wouldn’t take a bottle. I would’ve been furious in this situation. Wouldn’t have hurt him to ask. Fry up is a totally different proposition to a quick breakfast of toast/cereal

Did you not smell it cooking ?

Absolutely should offer if you're making a get up!!!!

Baby is getting the lion's share of your attention, so this is his passive-aggressive way of punishing you.

Porridge in microwave does not equate to fry up. He is in the wrong. However you are both exhausted and in this together, I would try and shake it off and enjoy the rest of the day. Getting up every couple of hours night after night is brutal. It will get easier.

He should have offered. Although I did notice that he does cook for you a lot which makes it seem like more of a genuine mistake imo.

But I think if he is sleeping through the night and you are being woken on the hour you should be handing baby over earlier. Like 5 or 6.

But also, try and cut each other some slack. You sound exhausted and it’s really tough with a non sleeping baby.

HIBVU. You’re feeding the baby, the least he can do is feed you.

Baby aside, I can’t imagine anyone in this house making a meal and not offering everyone else in the same. Rude.

You’re exhausted. He’s not pitching in. He needs to stop being so selfish.

YABU for using the word 'War' in your title - today of all days - over your breakfast time family squabbles.

Here, we have been giving thanks for my dearly loved grandfather, a hero of the First World War. We were extremely fortunate that he made it home, albeit physically injured and emotionally scared, to give life in turn to my father, my DCs and me. We're also remembering and giving thanks for all those who didn't come home. Those who gave or risked their lives so we can live in peace.

Take a deep breath and gain some perspective, OP.

I love the sly breastfeeding comments on Mumsnet.

Your husband was a dick regardless of how you feed your baby.

LTB

Toast and porridge were breakfast. You both got up at separate times so sorted yourselves out.

For lunch, you were both up and would both need to eat, so it was selfish of him to make something for just himself without at least a conversation.

The porridge was entirely irrelevant (unless he often eats a second breakfast?).

He should have offered to include you in fry up but if it was genuine mistake he could've shared what was cooked i.e. bacon butties etc. I think the porridge thing is just an excuse.

But he didn't offer you toast and marmalade by that reasoning so you were offended weren't you

Nah yanbu, you don't cook a fry for one and not ask other people in the house ffs and his porridge upset is so poor it's pathetic

Was the fry up made out of spite because you didn't offer him porridge?

Seems spiteful to me!

You’re exhausted. He’s not pitching in. He needs to stop being so selfish.

This!

I'm confused why people are saying that he's exhausted. He's getting a full night's sleep every day.

*YABU for using the word 'War' in your title - today of all days - over your breakfast time family squabbles.

Here, we have been giving thanks for my dearly loved grandfather, a hero of the First World War. We were extremely fortunate that he made it home, albeit physically injured and emotionally scared, to give life in turn to my father, my DCs and me. We're also remembering and giving thanks for all those who didn't come home. Those who gave or risked their lives so we can live in peace.*

Well that was irrelevant.

BlackBeltInChildWrangling Your post is ridiculous and not helpful.

OP, you sounds exhausted and your DP should have done the fry up for you too. Leave the baby with him and take yourself to a café for a fry up!

Blakcbeltinwrangling, your post has to be one of the most insufferably smug and patronising posts I have ever read on MN - and believe me, I've read a few. Have a medal.

He was really mean not to offer you. He gets a full night's sleep.

if he had already had toast why cook a fry up? how many breakfasts does he need? as for porridge you could have shouted do you want any to him but he had had toast so quite understandable you thought he had had his breakfast

He's not tired because he doesn't do the night shift. It sounds like you've kicked off big time at him being selfish so hopefully he'll take note and change his behaviour.