Breakfast war. WIBU?

[Passthegin99]

Just had a massive row about a fry up and need to know which of us is BU.

Me and DP have a 13 week old who sleeps badly. I do a the night shifts regardless of whether it's a weekend or not as DP takes medication that makes it harder to wake up at night. I usually get up every 1 to 2 hours with DS. It's a killer so as standard I hand him over to DP around 6 or 7 to try and get a couple of hours rest before the day starts.

This morning I handed him over just before 8 and got back up at 10.30 and was handed the baby immediately so i took him into the kitchen, tidied up the debris of DP's breakfast (he'd evidently had toast and marmalade) and made my own - porridge in the microwave. DP not present.

FF to 12.30 and I come into the kitchen with DS to find DP sitting down to a full fry up (sausage, bacon, black pudding, eggs, you name it) FOR ONE. Apparently he didn't offer to make some for me because I 'had just eaten'. I'm breastfeeding. And I'm up all night. I am always starving and he knows that. And tbf to him he normally cooks for me all the time which makes it extra surprising that he just created this delicious feast just for himself.

I obviously huffed a bit but said it's fine, I'll make some when I get back from taking DS and the dogs for a walk. But then somehow - probably because he felt bad? - he flipped the whole thing to be my fault BECAUSE I DIDN'T OFFER TO MAKE HIM PORRIDGE. Apparently he was upset!

He's adamant that making porridge in the microwave is the same as cooking a fry up. It isn't, right? One takes 4 minutes and one bowl is entirely independent of the other. Whereas a fry takes a while and you do both portions at the same time.

Plus HOW can he have been offended by my not offering him porridge? FFS. He'd already had toast!

Who is being unreasonable, Mumsnet?

Thank you don for one of the biggest laughs I've had in a while. I am now seriously thinking of changing my user name to QueenoftheMNoffencetakers. Absolutely brilliant. [tips hat]

Take him up a bowl of porridge as a peace offering....
Then go and make yourself a fry up!!
And tonight wake him up when you get up!

To me toast/porridge are the same type of breakfast. Something you can do quickly and usually for one. I'd be really annoyed if my Dp made himself a fry up without offering.

BlackBeltInChildWrangling

No, no, no. You can't take it with good humour or your crown will get usurped by that loon who thinks that any marriage where the couple can take the piss out of each other is on the way to divorce.

You need to dig in and refuse to acknowledge any chance you are wrong. Throw in a little moral superiority. Link to something genuinely offensive and say it's exactly the same as the OP's comment to justify your position. That's the MN way :-)

Please do the name change though. I like it.

If my dp did this to me I would probably kill him with a big piece of black pudding.

He's being absolutely ridiculous & selfish imo.

When you say that he normally cooks for you-do you mean that he cooks for both of you?

If so, big bloody woop!

Very odd to cook a full meal and not ask if the other person living there wants some!

I'd be tempted to do myself something really tasty for evening meal, dish it up and eat in front of DP. You didn't make DP any as he'd 'just had' that big fry up, right. Yes?
Only go better.
Bring his out of the oven 5 mins later.
Because you think about how your partner might feel.

The PA in me thinks that each time you get up to the baby tonight, you should give him a hefty kick to tell him that your having tea/cocoa/toast/revenge and would he like some.

This

Really sorry, don, but I can't oblige, much as I'd dearly love to so I'm not usurped.

If it hadn't been today, and if I'd have had a fry up cooked for me, me, me, the OP's title wouldn't have got my goat.

Must go. Got to polish Grandad's medals and trawl MN so I can find some kittens, puppies and babies to be deeply offended by.

My new moniker is depending on it. 👸

@Passthegin99 you're in the peak sleep deprivation I want to murder my DP phase, i remember it well. Even the sound of him breathing made me want to kill him. It will get better, you will sleep again. Until then take PP's advice to accidentally wake him up EVERY single time you're up during the night turning lights on, rummaging around for random things, whatever will wake him up!

That's unbelievable. And incredibly selfish.

If we are both in nothing gets made without asking if the other wants something. Even if cooking dinner if one is out we always cook extra for the other to have later. It's just weird just to cook for yourself imo.

Same as in my mum's & growing up, no one made anything without seeing if anyone else wanted something.

DP constantly asks me if I want anything as he's in and out getting drinks etc and vice versa.

If he works nights, does he sleep during the day? If so, plenty of opportunity to do what MumW suggests and offer tea/lunch etc every time you have something.