Breakfast war. WIBU?

[Passthegin99]

Just had a massive row about a fry up and need to know which of us is BU.

Me and DP have a 13 week old who sleeps badly. I do a the night shifts regardless of whether it's a weekend or not as DP takes medication that makes it harder to wake up at night. I usually get up every 1 to 2 hours with DS. It's a killer so as standard I hand him over to DP around 6 or 7 to try and get a couple of hours rest before the day starts.

This morning I handed him over just before 8 and got back up at 10.30 and was handed the baby immediately so i took him into the kitchen, tidied up the debris of DP's breakfast (he'd evidently had toast and marmalade) and made my own - porridge in the microwave. DP not present.

FF to 12.30 and I come into the kitchen with DS to find DP sitting down to a full fry up (sausage, bacon, black pudding, eggs, you name it) FOR ONE. Apparently he didn't offer to make some for me because I 'had just eaten'. I'm breastfeeding. And I'm up all night. I am always starving and he knows that. And tbf to him he normally cooks for me all the time which makes it extra surprising that he just created this delicious feast just for himself.

I obviously huffed a bit but said it's fine, I'll make some when I get back from taking DS and the dogs for a walk. But then somehow - probably because he felt bad? - he flipped the whole thing to be my fault BECAUSE I DIDN'T OFFER TO MAKE HIM PORRIDGE. Apparently he was upset!

He's adamant that making porridge in the microwave is the same as cooking a fry up. It isn't, right? One takes 4 minutes and one bowl is entirely independent of the other. Whereas a fry takes a while and you do both portions at the same time.

Plus HOW can he have been offended by my not offering him porridge? FFS. He'd already had toast!

Who is being unreasonable, Mumsnet?

Ohhh pack a bag and LTB 😂
Personally I would have lost my shit
YANBU.

How would he feel if you made a gormet dinner for one because he had a snack a few hours before?

OP is breastfeeding. She’s extra hungry. What’s sly about that?!

Really selfish and shitty of him.

The porridge is a red herring- he didn't offer you toast to begin with, which is why you made your own breakfast whilst also looking after the baby.

Haha! Thanks. I feel better knowing 3 months of broken sleep haven't made me completely lose my mind. If only DP weren't sulking in the bedroom with the baby I wouldn't mind going back to bed :) Ah well.

YABU for using the word 'War' in your title - today of all days - over your breakfast time family squabbles.

Fuck sake. There's always one...

Nap on the sofa and get some rest OP. You’re doing grand. He’s being a bit of a knob and you should be working together which means him not acting like a lone agent but making sure you’re fed and watered when you’re up and down all night.

She’s a symbol of righteousness to us all dontcha know Worra...

He should have cleaned up his toast crumbs if he wanted you to offer him porridge :)

You both had breakfast, albeit at separate times.. Cooking anything at 12.30 equals lunch unless you just got up. Ergo, he should have asked you if you were hungry.

BUT, I think you both need to cool down and let this one go. It's always rough with a new baby in the house and sometimes new habits need to form.

Personally, even if this medicine makes him sleep soundly, that doesn't mean he can't be woken up to do a bit of night shift, even if you have to shake him awake to do it.

@BertramKibbler Breastfeeding can burn up to an extra 500 calories a day. I would say it's absolutely relevant in a thread about food.

@passthegin99 what is DH sulking about? My DH only sulks if I've called him out and he knows he's wrong. He's always been immature like that 😂

Anyway away and treat yourself to a big McDonald's or lunch somewhere. Don't get DH fuck all after his fry up. Let the bastard starve. 😂

@OneStep2 - I believe he's still miffed that I didn't offer him porridge Who knows. I spect I shall have to go and be friends otherwise he may live up there forever.

Dear me...

@passthegin99 didn't see him offering you toast 😂😂

Auch make him sweat for a bit longer 😊 I usually leave my DH to sulk till he has to come down coz he's hungry 😂😂

He's an asshole, OP.

You grew an entire human being inside you for 9 months. Then, gave birth to that human being which is one of the most traumatic things a human body can go through. You are now dealing with all the post partum healing on virtually no sleep and he's sulking because you didn't make him porridge.

He really needs to give his head a wobble.

Speaking from experience - 3 hours sleep and long term sleep deprived - I find it helps me keep going and muddling through to look outwards to the bigger picture outside the four walls.

Of course the OP's DP was BU, cooking for himself when he has the advantage of more sleep and she is breastfeeding. It's obvious. Even my sleep deprived brain doesn't have to think too much about that.

If my encouraging the OP to keep things in perspective makes my post smug, righteous, patronising and irrelevant to some pps, so be it. Happy to be the one on this occasion, but no medal needed thank you. We have Grandad's medals (that actually mean something) already.

OP, he knows it was a bit shitty of him not to offer you a fry up, so he's trying to defer back to you.

As a lot of other people said on here, you are right in the eye of the sleep deprivation, baby demanding storm and it's really hard to stay kind to each other. My OH and I had ridiculous arguments during that time.

It will pass, I'm sure x

YABU for using the word 'War' in your title - today of all days - over your breakfast time family squabbles. Here, we have been giving thanks for my dearly loved grandfather, a hero of the First World War. We were extremely fortunate that he made it home, albeit physically injured and emotionally scared, to give life in turn to my father, my DCs and me. We're also remembering and giving thanks for all those who didn't come home. Those who gave or risked their lives so we can live in peace.

....and with that BlackBeltInChildWrangling becomes queen of the MN offence takers. I don't think anyone will ever beat this comment both for how brilliantly it took one word and linked to something completely irrelevant, the justification with personal suffering, and the crescendo of mawkish whinging implying the poster.

People who merely complain that 'beyond the pale' is celebrating the potato famine, mentioning periods is transphobia or saying it rained while they are on holiday in Israel is anti-semitism, take note: this is how it's done.

[Starts counting how long until someone chimes in that one of these things was really serious and by using them in humour I am as bad as the Nazis]

@donquixotedelamancha what a fabulous post

He's being a sulky prick. Unfortunately there's competition for your attention, when a baby comes along, partner decides that on second thoughts, they don't like anyone else getting 'Mummy's' attention. Poor diddums got his feelings hurt.
He was being unreasonable and acting out his anger. He could have at least asked you would he cook you some to eat later, that's what anyone reasonable would have done.
Go up and say to him 'you seem angry with me and I don't know why. You seem to think I have done something wrong. I have done nothing wrong'.
It's not about the porridge, it's about you putting DS first and not pandering to your DH.

@RCohle. [Tips hat].

Just realised the end of paragraph one is missing. Should be:

...implying the poster is a much better person than the OP.

Plus he'll have to come down when your baby is hungry so he definitely can't wait it out .

Enjoy the peace

The PA in me thinks that each time you get up to the baby tonight, you should give him a hefty kick to tell him that your having tea/cocoa/toast/revenge and would he like some.

Is the medication really have that bad an effect or is he using it as an excuse? I bet you struggle to wake up sometimes even though you aren't on medication. He really should be getting up at least some of the time during Friday night and Saturday night to let you get some respite from the sleep depravation.

He's being a sulky immature twat.

I'm long term sleep deprived. The first 3 years I was up every hour to 2 hours or so. I would hallucinate by 1pm because I was so exhausted. Sleep deprivation is horrific, it still is, and so I can fully sympathise - he is being a total, immature manchild. Fuck off with his full english for his selfish self. All he had to do was ask if next time could you pop some porridge on too for him, whilst understanding you're up all through the night, every single night. Prick.

I think he's a selfish git - I would never make anything without asking if anyone else in the house wanted .. it's just rude, especially when you are up all night etc etc. I get miffed because DH rarely asks me if I want a drink when he has one - his comment being, you've always got one on the go - not always obviously!! If he'd made a full fry up without asking me I would be really annoyed