I married a monster.

[mediumbrownmug]

So have you ever ordered a piece of chocolate cake from a restaurant? The expensive kind with like 1200 calories in it, that you can only have a few bites of at a time, spread over a couple of days, so you can trick yourself into thinking you can afford the calories? Well, I got one. And I generously offered DH a bite with the provision that you DO NOT touch the top, because that’s the best part and everybody knows that. Everybody.

He ate the top.

He CLAIMS that it was dark inside, he thought the cake was oriented the opposite way, but he basically ate the top and all the actual cake out of the icing shell, which is insanity because nobody, and I mean nobody eats cake that way!

Thus followed a heated exchange about cake orientation and icing shells, complete with an instructional diagram (drawn by me) of the offending cake and the way it should have been divided.

DH then compounded the issue by claiming that he didn't even WANT the cake and only ate it "to be polite." AIBU to think I married a monster?

LTB

Food stealing is a LTB offence.

Monster.

LTB

It's like someone eating the middle out of a slice of Brie, the CFs.

Dh ate my sandwich today containing mushrooms, he considers it to be the work of the devil and has nagged and whinged at many a meal containing it. He'd eaten the lot whilst I went to the loo (less than a few mins) and showed me as I sat down to eat with baby attached ( you know because all I do is eat over her head nowadays at every sodding meal too).

I only just about share food I eat with my kids, it's like grounds for divorce in my house.

Thanks, all. DH insists that he thought I wanted the top "for the icing" and so he left me the whole icing shell because it's the part I would obviously want?!?!!! This clearly isn't the man I thought I married.

Buy a carpet and duct tape.

What sandwich has mushrooms in it?!

OFF WITH HIS HEAD.

@ThereGoesTheAlarm

Bacon, cheese tomato and mushroom, a brunch sandwich.

Oh man that sounds good

Can you persuade him you want a new patio and he can dig the foundations tomorrow?

I don't understand what you mean by the top of the cake if it isn't the icing shell? Surely the icing is what is on top of the cake?

Miscible, he ate 90% of the top of the cake (icing and all) and left just a tiny bit attached to the back icing. Strange, no?

I think we need a diagram

Wow..

Perpendicular Vincent agreed. Carpet, duct tape and find a quiet place.

A cake chart as opposed to a pie chart.

Were there sprinkles?

Doesn’t matter. He’s a cake thieving monster.

I was hoping you meant the cookie monster. Still glad to read it was the cake monster.

I'd do him a Marie Antoinette and be off with his head.

LTB

I would want the icing shell and there'd be hell to pay if I was just left with sponge

I'm left confused about icing shells and cake parts, but craving chocolate cake like I've never craved it before

has he left the icing?isnt that the best bit?
we have a very big problem in this house with the cutting of the cake gradually sloping so the icing is going nd the cake is being left behind.

Eat it over a couple.of days? Wtf is That?

goodwinter exactly!
the trick is to put a little bit of icing in a tub in the back of fridge.(hidden)
out of interest then.do people have ways they must eat the cakes for max satiifaction and layer optimisation

SoleBizzz madness?

This is unbelievable. This is why divorce was invented yano.

LTB or preferably, but anotheranother slice, carefully deconstruct it, take the cake out the middle. Fill with something mundane and lay icing around it so he can eat it in the dark and fully understand disappointment.