I married a monster.

[mediumbrownmug]

So have you ever ordered a piece of chocolate cake from a restaurant? The expensive kind with like 1200 calories in it, that you can only have a few bites of at a time, spread over a couple of days, so you can trick yourself into thinking you can afford the calories? Well, I got one. And I generously offered DH a bite with the provision that you DO NOT touch the top, because that’s the best part and everybody knows that. Everybody.

He ate the top.

He CLAIMS that it was dark inside, he thought the cake was oriented the opposite way, but he basically ate the top and all the actual cake out of the icing shell, which is insanity because nobody, and I mean nobody eats cake that way!

Thus followed a heated exchange about cake orientation and icing shells, complete with an instructional diagram (drawn by me) of the offending cake and the way it should have been divided.

DH then compounded the issue by claiming that he didn't even WANT the cake and only ate it "to be polite." AIBU to think I married a monster?

orgy it sounds like you're married to a bird of prey. Apparently people in prison adopt a peculiar hunched position of guarding their meal. I suggest you join a prison pen pal organisation and build up a correspondence so you can ask for a diagram. You should also weaponise the baby as a shield.

judas that's disgusting, inform Trading Standards and get that shop closed down.

Unforgivable. The only way back is to pledge his share of cake for the rest of his life - to you. In writing. Even better, he will never eat cake again. Ever.

Butter icing? 🤤
Hard crispy royal icing ? 🤤
That rolled out abomination fondant shit? I’d renew my wedding vows if he ate that crap for me

I agree that you are married to a monster. Were there red flags?

More importantly was it a ganache with mirror icing. I'd like 2 diagrams please one pre and one post marauding.

Do you mean he left you the outside edge - sans the top? I’m so confused please cure with a diagram.

Men Eh!
They pretend they don't like cake (its considered feminine) then sulk if there isn't any in the house.
Dh does anyway, and even bigger sulk if its not home made!
One of his more unattractive traits.

This Op, is behaviour I think you should monitor, keep a written record , if necessary (this could be useful in the future!)

Log it with 111

I want chocolate cake now

Something’s dark inside and not the lack of lighting in the house. LTB !

I mean chocolate cake - meh.

Now coffee and walnut with buttercream icing - slurp slurp stab.

I don't understand how you can buy a cake from a restaurant and eat it over a couple of days, while squabbling over it like a pair of jackdaws. Didn't the waiting staff kick you out when they closed?

Good point Dahlietta. But maybe that's why it was dark. The staff had closed up, turned the lights off and gone home.

Still no idea what the outter shell of a cake is. Is it actually a kinder egg OP?

Just waiting for the drip feed, there's clearly a massive backstory.

Not a jury in the land would send you down for that one.
I have a spare ground sheet and a shovel.
I also bake...

Di-a-gram

Exactly cornflake di-a-gram. Otherwise you're a GF and I will come to your house and eat all the cakes. Champion cake eater me.

Have I ever bought a slice of choc cake and had a couple of bites a day so it lasts a few days?

No is this a joke? Do people actually do this?!

Honestly I’m not sure who is the weird one here,

Your dh for the way he eats cake or you for eating a slice of cake over days!

Neither of you deserve cake, sorry but you don’t

Cake to sponge ratios must be observed when sharing cake. I can't believe you didn't discuss this before you got married.

What kind of idiots don't establish how to share cake before them committing to a lifetime together?

I baked chocolate chip golden syrup cookies yesterday. I had a little bit of the edge while it was cooling. None left this morning. Kids had none.

OP I feel your pain.

Just realised what a very lucky lady I am, DH doesn't like cake or chocolate, so never had this problem

Think this would be grounds for divorce tho!