I married a monster.

[mediumbrownmug]

So have you ever ordered a piece of chocolate cake from a restaurant? The expensive kind with like 1200 calories in it, that you can only have a few bites of at a time, spread over a couple of days, so you can trick yourself into thinking you can afford the calories? Well, I got one. And I generously offered DH a bite with the provision that you DO NOT touch the top, because that’s the best part and everybody knows that. Everybody.

He ate the top.

He CLAIMS that it was dark inside, he thought the cake was oriented the opposite way, but he basically ate the top and all the actual cake out of the icing shell, which is insanity because nobody, and I mean nobody eats cake that way!

Thus followed a heated exchange about cake orientation and icing shells, complete with an instructional diagram (drawn by me) of the offending cake and the way it should have been divided.

DH then compounded the issue by claiming that he didn't even WANT the cake and only ate it "to be polite." AIBU to think I married a monster?

Do you have a Patio...?

Do you have a patio? Would you like one?

He's a selfish arse - but let's face it, you're NEVER going to offer him any of your cake again, are you, because he Done You Wrong. Proper Wrong.
So that's the end of ALL Cake-sharing activities. Serves him right.

I'd have had VERY strong words with DH if he'd pulled that stunt too.

The Dirty Evil Greedy Bastard!!!

This is too weird. We need photos. In the meantime, cancel the cheque.

sorry I'm confused about what kind of cake this was? Was it a flourless sponge kind of jobby? Or a gateau soaked in rum? Or some sort of monstrous thing with sickly-sweet icing?

icing is shit btw. fight me.

I posted about my husband eating the last of the crumble a few weeks ago. This is clearly on the increase. Maybe we should set up some sort of action group?

Who eats cake over a couple of days? I admire your will power op.

I'm still incensed about the guy upthread stealing a breast feeding mother's sandwich!

WTF

You poor thing.I would make him buy you a replacement.

@checkingforballoons

Absofuckinglutely 

@RTFT
He left me with his own substandard bacon and cheese, I was livid.

@orgyofspookness

Why on earth did he eat your sandwich? Did he mix it up with his? Or is he just a selfish pig?

Sorry cross post

I don't understand cake orientation at all I think op is getting front and top mixed up. How can you eat all a top and leave only a back? Surely you mean he ate all of the front part which included dome middle and top leaving you the back part?
Confusion aside I'm really angry on the behalf of orgyofspookness that's such a horrible thing to do. Really shit.

^ some not dome

I need a diagram to understand the cake story

Because you say he ate the top. Now that, to me, is the icing. But then you say he left the icing shell. So what is the top of the cake if not the icing?

I really want a brunch sandwich now, btw...

"that you can only have a few bites of at a time, spread over a couple of days"

Sorry, I don't understand this bit. A slice over a couple of days! 🤔 must be honest here I don't really like chocolate cake, but I I did I can't imagine having self restraint

I think there's a couple of worrying thing here. 1. He mistook the bottom for the top because he ate the dark.

1. He ate in the dark.

Do you have a room you can secure off?

I too don't understand what he ate? How much had you eaten prior to this dastardly deed? (What's an icing shell by the way?)

And I generously offered DH a bite

This is where you went wrong.

So he couldn't even tell that he was eating the top?

He doesn't deserve to ever eat cake again imo.

And dark inside where??

(can you post a pic of the diagram that you drew him?)

I hope you've sent him out to get another piece - from which he will not be allowed one single crumb?

Did the cake have icing in the middle at all?

Sandwich swapping DH also does that irritating thing whereby you order dessert, they don't want one, demands to share.

Hovers over me because I eat slow and has tried to steal food... I've stabbed him with a fork before.

His family all do it too!!! HELP

YABU to eat a slice of chocolate cake over a few days!

I genuinely need a diagram or proper explanation of what's been eaten. It's hurting my head trying to figure it out.

But OP you made your bed by offering him a bite in the first place.

I really want chocolate cake now but my local Tesco only sells the Betty Crocker box mixes and not the tubs of icing. WTF??