I haven’t got anybody to speak to about this in real life so thought it might be worth asking here. For background, DH and I are late 20s, busy professionals, met young whilst in university and were each other’s first proper relationship. We moved in together 3 years ago and got married recently.
For years, and by that I mean about six, we have had frequent arguments about sex or lack of. In the beginning, even before we had ever had sex, we were fine with lots of kissing/foreplay/oral etc and this brought up no particular issues for the first year or two. Then I started to notice he was not at all interested and we went without for a while. Putting it down to some temporary phase, I initially ignored it for a few months but soon had to say something. For the first two to three years I was very patient and understanding, trying to work together to work out what was happening but in the last few years I have grown more and more upset, angry and resentful. The pattern tends to be we have a massive discussion about this, sometimes spanning days of talking, me spilling my heart out whilst he is slightly defensive, he then promises to change and put more effort in. However it never happens. I am so hurt at his lack of motivation and care for my feelings and needs over and above the lack of sex itself. I have explained this countless times over the years in many serious discussions but to no concrete improvement.
For context, if I left it we would probably have sex once or twice every six weeks or so? That is with living alone together, no distractions such as children etc and spending most weekends together. Every time we reach a new milestone I had great hopes e.g. buying a house together, getting engaged, getting married but he does not utilise these new opportunities. For example, we didn’t have sex or anything close on our two week honeymoon (and haven’t on any other holidays either).