To put mum in a nursing home?

[louisarh]

How do I do it ?
Do I just ring around nursing homes?
Or do I have to contact social services?

OP social services would fund a residential place, her pension would be used as well bar a small amount that she would keep for expenses such as toiletries.. If she received care at home she would keep most or all of her pension but it sounds like she’s beyond that level of care.

Call social services - they’ll be able to help. Caring for those with dementia is incredibly hard and even more so if it’s family. Age concern may also be able to signpost you in the right direction. You have done admirably keeping on for as long as you have. Let others step in to take some of your burden.

You are entitled to a social care assessment regardless of how the care will be paid for.

Ring your local social services & they should arrange a visit

It is hard. We ended up putting my gran in a home when she started wandering about, and my grandad couldn’t be awake 24 hours a day. It was stressful but it became clear afterwards it was the best thing to do. It’s hard when the person with dementia can’t really have a say.

I’ve already told my parents that if they got dementia and it was getting to that stage, id make sure they had excellent care but I couldn’t do it all myself. It’s impossible.

So do you think a care facility rather than sheltered accommodation ?
I have a brother and sister but they are won't help me and have said do what I like.
I keep crying constantly..think it's the depression tbh.

Yes, you would need to look at Nursing homes. As your mum probably needs 24hr nursing care.

If self funding you just go and look around - you will need to work out level of care needed as all offer different amounts with "residential" being considerably cheaper than "nursing" some have both on the same site (often on different floors) so no move would be needed. If she has under £23k in savings or it's for medical reasons then it's possible to get funding but you will need a social services assessment (low income) or nhs continuing care (medical). Social services can also offer advice on placement and you don't need an assessment for that, ours did it over the phone as I live in a different city.

No, sheltered accommodation will not be appropriate, but as she's a council tenant with no savings to fund nursing home fees (they can be over £1000 per week, so no, her pension will not cover it), she will need an assessment of her needs from the council. It seems certain though, given her dementia, that nursing home care is the best option. Don't beat yourself OP. This isn't your fault, nor can you be expected to care for your DM - she needs specialist care from proper nurses.

If she has no savings, and does not own her own home then she would be entitled to Social Services funding.

However if she owns her home, she would be self-funding until savings had been reduced below £23K.

From your description she is well past sheltered accommodation and would need a dementia unit. If she is hallucinating, has she been seen by the Elderly Mental Health Team?

I think GP for an urgent mental health assessment is your first step. The behaviour she is displaying now would probably get her turned down by most homes and needs urgent management and she may need admitting to a mental health unit for the elderly.

From what you say I think you have a good case for nhs funding - you should call the gp who will arrange the the community psychiatric team to assess (it's called rapid response here and they cane within 24 hours) continuing care then sent an assessment nurse the following week and we had funding agreed in about a month (it goes to ccg for approval) however if she's considered a risk to herself or others the gp/psychiatrist could have her admitted today to hospital and then they will arrange a nursing home placement. You will still be expected to look for a place - ask if they accept state funded people with advanced dementia, won't be many options alas (we had 3 in the end and chose the nearest)

I wouldn't ask for overnight carers. Dementia is a progressive disease, better to ask to be put in a nursing home now than muddle on and have the same, if not more, problems in six months time. It's to your credit that she made it to 98 living at home! You can be proud of yourself. Now is the time to let her go to a home where she has round the clock care. You've done well.

Overnight carers are rarely provided.

However I think the main issue here is for her to have an assessment of her mental health needs from the psychiatric team urgently, as they seem to be severe, and go from there.

Ultimately I think this will result in a placement but her medication etc needs to be right before a permanent placement can happen or anything you organise will fail.

I would ring her g.p. now and say how bad she is, they may be able to visit this evening. You can also ring her local adult social services safeguarding team, say she is unsafe, you cannot help. She may get an emergency bed somewhere, it can be in a carehome, you don't need to look at it first. Call and ask to speak to safeguarding or the duty social worker. If she is a real danger to herself call the emergency services.

Sheltered accommodation won't really be any different to living on her own
Sounds as if you have done as much as u can and she now needs residential care
Give adult social care a call and get the ball rolling
Good luck

Yes - good idea to ring the GP now and get her assessed medically. Is she on any medication at the moment OP?

I would vote for starting with the gp. They will (hopefully) know her story and be able to tell you where best in your area to get the ball rolling.

Do it today or tomorrow. Even if you end up deciding to keep her at home a bit longer at least you've started the process and you will be much further on in your planning by the time you need it
You are amazing to have kept her at home this long. She is really lucky.

Hi OP - I can't comment on the practical side of things.

But just to say that it sounds that you have done an amazing job - well above and beyond.

And getting residential care is absolutely the best thing to do for her.

I think call her GP tomorrow and say the matter has become urgent and a matter of safety.

Well done to you.

It's just so hard.
I cry all the time thinking of how she used to be.

Going shopping together and I'm heartbroken.
It's horrible.

Put her in a home. It’s OK to do that. I did it myself recently and the relief was enormous. I am no longer scared of what might happen when I visit or fear what bonkers hallucination she is experiencing today. You have done an amazing job. It is OK to admit and get the help,you both need,

Hi Louisarh, sorry you are in this situation. I know how you feel. My Mam has now been in a care home for 5 weeks.
She had a couple of episodes of respite and is now in there long term.
You could start with your GP. Also ring adult social care. The number will be on your council website. Tell them what is happening etc and they’ll take all of your details and get back to you. This can take time depending on need, but as you’ve had the police etc this may not take too long.
If your mum lives in council accommodation and has no savings, she will be paid for.
Start off making those phone calls. Good luck xx

louisarh I'm a social worker. You've been given good advice by several people who have already commented on your post.

Did you contact Social Services today?

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. Been there. Your mum is not safe at home and would be better in a home. She would probably feel more secure. Overnight carers as has been said are very expensive. Please phone social services they will be able to help.

She might end up in residential rather than nursing

It's just so hard.
I cry all the time thinking of how she used to be

It is hard. It's really hard. But it's life. Everything changes, nothing stays the same. People get old. Their needs change. It's rotten for those of us watching. I'm really sorry.

Call her gp or social services tomorrow. You know it's time.

Bless you.

Ring round local nursing homes, go and see what they are like and preferably speak to people who have a relative there.

You are not unreasonable to be at the end of your tether. Your mum is 98, poor lady. Dementia is very difficult to cope with.