What is wrong with me? Lost the plot because my husband said he's ill

[Whatonearthiswrongwithme]

I feel like such a cow. I'm actually crying because my husband is in bed ill. I do feel sympathetic but I've recently been the illest I've been in a long time and been on my own with absolutely no help whatsoever after several nights up all night on my own with DS. All I wanted was for someone to give me the chance to rest in bed. I just feel consumed by the unfairness of it and now have to sort the house which is an enormous tip and various other errands today with baby which he recuperates.

To cap it off it seems like a different bug and DH refuses to hand wash because he says he probably caught the same one. Then he says "sorry for being sick" to make me feel bad (I really do and am going out to get pain medicine for him) but I don't think I can cope with poor DS getting ill again.

I know I'm being unreasonable and a cow - please talk me down!

He refuses to wash his hands!? Yuck! He should be washing his hands whether he's ill or not! YANBU on the basis of that alone!

You’re not being U.

Suggest just focusing on immediate practicalities and skipping non essential errands / cleaning. And addressing the unfairness once DH has recovered.

Why didn’t your H help when you were ill? Day or night?

Of course he should wash his hands and should have helped you. YANBU.

How come when you are ill you do everything yet when he is ill he stays in bed

What actually is wrong with him

Nope, he sounds like a cock, don’t feel bad. Look after you and just leave him to crack on. And as soon as he is over his make-believe malady, leave him alone with ds.

So when you’re ill you do all the work and when he’s ill you do all the work?

YANBU. He sounds like a massive man child.

That sounds like the same experience in my house. I think I have only ever taken to bed once as I was really ill and vomiting on New Year’s Eve due to vertigo and couldn’t stand up. Other than that my OH takes to bed with his man flu and wants ‘looked after’ and when I have the same I get on with it....he moans and groans and puts on a sick voice which really puts me off him! 😂needless to say in our house the only people that get looked after when ill are the DC. Due to my OH believing that for some reason that I don’t get that sick I leave him to it when he is ill. If he wants looking after I tell him to call his mum.....

YANBU. Mine did something similar once and I still remember how angry I was with him. But I don’t quite understand the hand wash comment.

He’s not unreasonable for being ill. He’s unreasonable x100000 for not washing his hands. And moreso for not helping you when you were ill. He sounds like a selfish arse. sorry you didn’t get any help when you were unwell

Do these errands have to be done today? Leave them and leave tidying the house. One more day as it is won't matter. And tell him that you don't want to take chances with DS so if he doesn't wash hands (which won't hurt him, what's his problem?) you will be keeping well away and won't be able to bring him drinks or pain meds.

Why did your husband not help you when you were ill? It goes both ways. How ill is he actually? I'd point out that you had to suck it up and get him to do some light chores.

Forget tidying the house. Just leave it. The mess will still be there tomorrow.
He needs to wash his hands - you can all get the same bug back.

Do naff all for him op.

If you’re both ill he doesn’t get to rest in bed all day. You both have to do half and half. Otherwise it isn’t fair. Why does his illness trump yours?!

I know exactly how you feel. It's bad enough without him refusing to take basic hygiene precautions.

You're DH is behaving like a selfish twat. This is not medieval times and we know how germs are spread and how to reduce the risk.

I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. Can you threanten to go and stay with a relative and leave him to get on with it unless he starts behaving like a responsible adult/parent?

You're angry because when you are ill he doesn't give a flying fuck, but when he's ill he expects tea and sympathy.

Apologise for your out burst. But make it clear to him that his treatment of you when you are ill has to change. He cannot carry on being a selfish twat.

He's very inconsiderate- if someone in my house gets sick, I give them their own handtowel, designate a bathroom (there's only two loos but you get the idea of them going in one) and don't let them cook/put away food stuff, I also spray a bit of anti-bac on their door handles etc. They have to rest in their bedrooms a lot too (although if only a cold don't mind them being normal).

This might sound a bit over the top, but I've contained pretty much most bugs including norovirus, flu keeping them with the original person. Only one sickness bug throughout the whole family in 15 years.

I don't believe 'everyone gets it' and I'd be really cross with people doing things like not washing their hands!

Sorry to say this but stop being a martyr! Get on the sofa with baby and Netflix and sod the house.

oh tell him he's dirty little shit for not washing his hand. 🤢

Sounds like my Exh!
My dh now is a star. I’ve only had a bad cold but he got me flowers, helped loads with kids, offered me lemsips, etc. He does the baby at night.
I never asked him to, he just does it.

I know different dh help in different ways but to do nothing is self centred, unsupportive and pig headed. I’d only hand over medicine, soup etc if he washes his hands! Or pack him off to his man shed/garage if he has one

He refuses to wash his hands?
He actually refuses?
I’m baffled.

What is actually wrong with him?

Don’t look after him if he didn’t help when you were ill, you already have a child to look after and don’t need another one.

What is it with men and being ill? I remember when I went with DH to get his wisdom teeth out (which in all fairness is quite sore) he came around from the operation and asked me to get a wheelchair to take him out to the car. Me and the nurse just looked at each other like . It’s no wonder men don’t give birth!

Bloody hell. Stop being so passive aggressive you lot. He's ill, leave him to get on with it. If you want a rest then have one! It's not his fault if you are insisting on cleaning the house and doing chores rather than having a well earned rest!

Why didn’t he help you when you were sick?

My ex-DP was like this, pathetic when sick yet I had to ‘get on with it’ and do everything house/kids related when I got sick. But the worst was he refused to wash his hands and got angry when I told him he HAD to or he would end up making the whole family sick. He insisted on touching the kettle, fridge door, door handles etc while I ran after him with anti-bac spray. It stressed me out so much that he could be so selfish. He knew I had bad health anxiety with our baby after she nearly died at 4 weeks and he didn’t give a shit. One of many reasons he is an ex.

All the above. But get some little hand gel bottles. Get him to use it (he can do that sitting in bed) and you can keep one in your pocket and rub it over everything as you mooch about the house for the next few days.

He sounds like a man child.