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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is wrong with me? Lost the plot because my husband said he's ill

53 replies

Whatonearthiswrongwithme · 08/11/2018 07:51

I feel like such a cow. I'm actually crying because my husband is in bed ill. I do feel sympathetic but I've recently been the illest I've been in a long time and been on my own with absolutely no help whatsoever after several nights up all night on my own with DS. All I wanted was for someone to give me the chance to rest in bed. I just feel consumed by the unfairness of it and now have to sort the house which is an enormous tip and various other errands today with baby which he recuperates.

To cap it off it seems like a different bug and DH refuses to hand wash because he says he probably caught the same one. Then he says "sorry for being sick" to make me feel bad (I really do and am going out to get pain medicine for him) but I don't think I can cope with poor DS getting ill again.

I know I'm being unreasonable and a cow - please talk me down!

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 08/11/2018 08:39

My question is why on Earth you think that you are the unreasonable one here?

He's a prick. Don't look after him at all. Sod the tidying up too. Can you get out for a coffee somewhere? Or to see a friend? If you were my friend I'd help you.

Echobelly · 08/11/2018 08:39

It sucks men are crap at helping when you're ill.

One thing I've found is that men (well, my DH) can be really bad at sensing how ill you are, even if you're lying in bed groaning. I've learned I actually have to tell him 'I am feeling really unwell, I need you to do X or Y' Last night, for example, I came home feeling awful so I texted him and said I'd need him to help as soon as he got home, so he did. Otherwise I know he might have come in and immediately claimed the right to collapse and do nothing.

He recently told me he only seems to 'go on' about being ill when he's sick because he wants to be clear why he's not being more helpful, which told me quite a lot about 'manflu'

Nishky · 08/11/2018 08:41

I still haven’t forgiven my husband 10 years on from us both having flu. He had struggled into work, I managed to get children to school and sank into bed for 5 glorious hours of rest and he came back 2 hours later and got into bed as well. How I didn’t ltb I’ll never know.

thecatsarecrazy · 08/11/2018 08:41

Ynbu my dh does the same. Im expected to carry on as normal hes so ill he needs bed rest. Really pisses me off

SleepingStandingUp · 08/11/2018 08:44

So he only washes his habds if he thinks he has an original bug, not because he's wiped his pooey ass or because he's picked his nose or scratched his balls? Let alone cough and sneeze?

I'd keep the house basically safe and clean for you and DS and save up the rest until he's better then tell him he needs to step up and be a decent partner / parent

thereallochnessmonster · 08/11/2018 08:49

How unattractive. Refuses to wash his hands? He's responsible for spreading whatever it is round the house, then.

OP, I sympathise with you. I'd do just what he did for you when you were ill - ie nothing. Don't go and get him pain meds!

Just leave him to it. Then after he's better address the huge unfairness in your relationship. Tell him how shitty and selfish he's being and say how you'd like things to be in future. Ask him why he feels he deserves to be looked after while he's ill when he didn't lift a finger to help you or your dc. Twat.

Good luck.

gamerchick · 08/11/2018 08:56

He doesn't wash his hands?

Look OP you need to rest. Leave him to it he can feed, water and sort his own medicines out. Have a lazy day with the bairn.

He's a selfish cunt but you're allowing that. Run around for him like he does for you.

Plessis · 08/11/2018 08:57

Im expected to carry on as normal

By whom?

user1489701586 · 08/11/2018 09:29

To be fair, the OP just states that she was on her own, not that DH was around but refusing to help. For all we know DH was away from home when OP was unwell. Lack of hand washing is just weird through

Seniorschoolmum · 08/11/2018 09:34

YAnbu. Not washing his hands is vile. Quite apart from being selfish and ignorant.

I’d not cook or share a meal with anyone who hadn’t washed their hands. Or share a bed.

Can you find one of those anti-bac sprays and keep spraying at him every time he gets out of bed Smile

staydazzling · 08/11/2018 09:40

Oh wow YABU, I have visions of you trying to get him to use soap and him screaming no like a toddler Grin. that really is grim what a minger. just leave him to it, does he expect you to look after him is that the issue?

ileclerc · 08/11/2018 09:46

That his grim that he won't wash his hands. Grim. Grim. Grim.

Apart from that he sounds like an absolute wanker. He is an adult, he can sort himself out, stop running around after him.

Pebblesandfriends · 08/11/2018 09:51

Can you take D's out for the day and leave him to it? That or have a duvet day downstairs and let him sort himself out. Leave the house. He can help you clean it when you're both better.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/11/2018 09:51

Even if it's the same bug I thought they could mutate and people can catch them twice. Not washing hands is disgusting.

The bigger issue is why were you still up with your son in the night when you were ill? Why did you not get a break? I'm on may leave but if I was really sick my husband would take the day off to look after the kids if I couldn't do it, not make me carry on. It's not fair and it's not good for you or your child to look after them when you're really ill yourself

Hollyboots · 08/11/2018 09:56

Ha sounds like my "d"h. He caught noro off someone at work, took time off and expected looking after and then when he was better went back to work and left me with 2 sick babies to look after while I was ill myself. I went ballistic and he's never done it again.

Tell your h to wash his hands the filthy bugger Angry

Transpeaked · 08/11/2018 10:22

Sounds exactly like my children’s fathers. Me ill - I just had to carry on. Them ill - I had to carry on and look after them. Typical behaviour from so many men.

TheCupboardUnderTheStairs · 08/11/2018 11:05

If anyone is ill in our house DH automatically says he feels ill too/feels like a cold flu is coming. Pisses me right off.

I get the impression most men sit around whilst their DWs are ill, waiting for them to get better and resume cooking, washing and child-organising for them. Dh would certainly get a take away or go to his mums for a meal. Hell i could do that but i make the effort to cook from scratch most nights.

Yet when they feel slightly ill they take to their beds all day, moaning and (fake) coughing.

Andro · 08/11/2018 11:33

DH refuses to hand wash because he says he probably caught the same one

That's just grim! Healthy or sick he should be handwashing when he's been to the bathroom/before meals/before handling food etc. He should be hand washing more often and more diligently when he's sick. My skin's crawling and I don't even know where he is.

PoisonousSmurf · 08/11/2018 11:38

Men are pathetic creatures. All women should know that they have to carry on regardless until they collapse. Those are the rules!

Plessis · 08/11/2018 11:51

The rules that they completely make up themselves.

nicenewdusters · 08/11/2018 13:12

Just leave him and his grim hands to fester in his "sick bed."

Don't look after him, fetch him anything, do anything for him. When he whinges just say you're being fair, he didn't look after you so you're not looking after him.

It's a shame men can't see how pathetic this side of their nature is. Yes, I know there are some exceptions, but I'm struggling to think of many. I believe it's just selfishness and not wanting to acknowledge that other people need attention more than they do.

Plessis · 08/11/2018 13:38

So if the OP took to her bed and refused to help, because she was ill and needed to recover, would you all be calling her a cunt?

Fgs. You are grown women. You don't need permission to go to bed ill.

WitchyMcWitchface · 08/11/2018 13:52

Get some disinfectant wipes and do door handles etc - he probably won't wash his hands properly.

nameforthethread · 08/11/2018 14:24

Men are pathetic creatures

It's a shame men can't see how pathetic this side of their nature is

FFS why do you all have such low standards to accept this shit? really?
tell the dicks they are lazy selfish fucks.

When dating, look for the signs they are lazy selfish fucks. Then avoid them or sort it.

don't settle for the selfish fuck, settle for a person who respects what it is to be in a relationship, and acts y know like adult with responsibilities........

Don't shrug off shit behaviour as "oh that's just how men are" Hmm

Plessis · 08/11/2018 16:40

He's not lazy, pathetic, a cunt etc ffs (ok the refusal to wash his hands is grim). He's ill and he's gone to bed. Absolutely 110% fine. If the OP has a martyrdom complex and feels that she can never go to bed when she's ill that's completely her issue.

If you are a grown adult female and feel ill you are perfectly at liberty to go to bed! Am I the only one who realises this shit??

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