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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Making a fuss about 4 year old at school?

62 replies

gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 19:38

So my dc started reception class in September.

They were full time in Nursery before that, so we are used to relationship issues and occasional harsh words. Though they had a nice little friendship group and they were super happy and confident.

We knew it would be a change going to school without any of the nursery friends and were prepared for ups and downs nut for since the week before half term my dc has been physically injured by another child every school day.

I'm talking accident form injured not a little play fighting.

I have raised it gently to his teacher and them when it continued to the headteacher.

They promised supervision, but every time so far has happened whilst under supervision - usually at registration

They have said they are tackling it with the other child but beyond supervision they can't even reassure me they are keeping them separated.

I totally get that 4 year olds can be a but rough and tumble but surely this child is now a predictable risk?

I have no issues with the other child , I just want mine kept safe, but the school are making me feel silly for making an issue of it.

AIBU to keep on at them? I don't really know what to do now.

OP posts:
Original poster
gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 19:41

Sorry that was longer than I intended :(

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 07/11/2018 19:43

I think you’re under reacting if anything.

Your child should be safe at school - anything less is entirely unacceptable.

Thehop · 07/11/2018 19:45

This os an outrageous failing on behalf of your school! They have a duty of care and they are not keeping your child safe!

So you have another option for school?

BarbarianMum · 07/11/2018 19:45

How long have you been back from half term? Here we're on day 3 but presuming you are talking over a week then YANBU.

Thehop · 07/11/2018 19:45

Sorry do you have

Original poster
gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 19:55

School went back on the 30th. Thank you all for your replies. Yes I'm looking at another school next week. I told the head that if my child keeps being hurt I will keep him out of school and she told me 'well that's your choice'. :( My poor child thinks this is normal. And the teacher keeps telling me it's just a personality clash but it's my child being hurt every day. Some days worse than others but always something. I always had a fantastic relationship with the nursery, and I have had no problems with the child minder but school is making me feel like I am being utterly unreasonable. They eventually sent me their bullying policy but caveated with 'of course we wouldn't consider this bullying, just a 4 year old who is learning to socialise (referring to the other party)...' They have two reception classes and I've suggested we look at moving one of them but they won't even consider it until next school year :(

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 07/11/2018 19:55

It's normal for them not to be able to reassure you that they are keeping them separate, it would be almost impossible for them to be able to do that.

They should be supervising heavily though, and you should definitely be making a fuss. You need to make a nuisance of yourself with the head every single time your child is hurt. There will only be so much the teacher can do on her own without the firm support of the head, and even then they may well struggle, schools are just too under resourced at the moment.

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/11/2018 19:57

We had the same problem last year and it is coming round again since half term.
DS has been scratched with a stick today drawing blood - the day before was covered in water from the fountain. It is parents evening tomorrow but when I have brought it up before and had the same response. We are watching but cannot stop them playing together.

Joinourclub · 07/11/2018 19:57

Well I’d be making a fuss too so no YANBU

BarbarianMum · 07/11/2018 19:59

Are they playing together though? Sounds more like OP's ds is being hurt at carpet time and they can certainly be kept separate during that.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/11/2018 20:04

I was expecting that you were being precious, but I really don’t think you are. I’d be insisting on him changing to the other class (if you think he’s be ok with it) as they’re clearly not capable of managing this other child. Complain to the governors?

Hereiamitsme · 07/11/2018 20:05

Can you give us an example of what sort of injuries he’s getting, how the school explain that they’ve happened, and what your dc says about what happened?

Original poster
gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 20:12

Injury wise we have had a goose egg head Injury from being pushed, a gash to the face from being hit with a shoe, a bruise to the back from beinf pushed from a chair, a bruise to the leg from being tripped to name a few :( They are always very clear what has happened and won't name the child but will confirm my child's account of who it was. My DC always tells me that the other child was addressed by the teachers so it's not as though they are ignoring. The description from my DC always is in line with their behaviour policy too so in that sense I'm comfortable with their response. However it's just a one off it's been every day for 12 consecutive school days. They don't play together, the incidents are always in the classroom.

OP posts:
Original poster
gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 20:17

Just to make clear, Its not about the other child. Just about keeping mine safe. if they left a loose carpet and kept tripping on it and hurting himself I'd expect them to sort it so he was safe from injury

OP posts:
LovelyBranches · 07/11/2018 20:18

My DC started school in September too.He has just turned 4 (children in my area start full time the September after 3rd birthday). I would not tolerate this at all. I wouldn’t expect my DS to hit anyone and if anyone hit him I would expect robust and swift action. I’d be making a nusence of myself too. Your job as a parent is to protect your child, don’t be fobbed off by anyone who presents you with your hurt child at the end of the day and says it’s down to ‘learning to socialise’.

RandomMess · 07/11/2018 20:18

The question to go to the Head then Governors with is "what are you going to do to protect my DC, this is becoming a safeguarding issue as he is been deliberately targeted and injured everyday"

Laiste · 07/11/2018 20:34

You're not over reacting OP.

Advice about going to the governors is good.

Seriously - in the meantime if this was DD4 (who has just started full time reception) i wouldn't be sending her in.

Original poster
gruffalomom · 07/11/2018 20:36

Thank you all. I feel so much better about keeping on it now. Will be in touch with the governors tomorrow. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Laiste · 07/11/2018 20:36

Honestly - i'm cross on you and your DS's behalf! I'd be telling the teacher i wasn't having it. I'd be getting obviously angry.

This isn't much help i know - but be assured you're NBU to not tolerate this.

Laiste · 07/11/2018 20:39

Photos. Have you taken any of his injuries? Keep proper notes about what happened on what day.

Laiste · 07/11/2018 20:40

... and who said what exactly.

Ask the head to email his response to your recent meeting so you have it in writing.

ReginaFlangee · 07/11/2018 20:41

I completely understand your distress but as a teacher I think you need to think about what is possible (from the school) to stop this happening. The other child likely has some SEN issues (which I appreciate doesnt help your child who is being hurt every day). Can they be given spaces away from each other? Can the other child (or your child) sit next to an adult on the carpet every day.

I can completely see it from the schools point of view but they need to be telling you what the plan is (and not having one is not an option) Are they doing any positive friendship work with your child and the other child?

Halloweenallyearround · 07/11/2018 20:44

I had this with my dc a nursery many years ago, they even reported to me the front head injury, when I got in the car I saw the back head lump and a bite mark. I was raging to say the least and he didn't go back.
School can act so dismissive but it's unacceptable. They don't got to work and get pushed by other work colleagues or bite??? But child are child and it's just rough play - nope!

As long as they don't say something racist, because then it's big trouble ( which it should be) but to me it's the same, the behaviour at school ages is coming from the parents or lack of.

Halloweenallyearround · 07/11/2018 20:46

Likely has SEN? Why... because the child is not behaving.
Wow!

ReginaFlangee · 07/11/2018 20:50

@halloweenallyearround as a Early Years teacher it is very very unusual for a Reception child who has not got any developmental/SEN needs to continuously hurt another child after hopefully 10 days of input. These may be emotional needs rather than developmental but the continuing nature of it would suggest that the child is not responding to what you would hope is being put in (Social stories, behaviour sanctions, support from adults). Obviously this would depend on the setting but in all 4 schools I’ve worked in this would absolutely be standard practice.