Making a fuss about 4 year old at school?

[gruffalomom]

So my dc started reception class in September.

They were full time in Nursery before that, so we are used to relationship issues and occasional harsh words. Though they had a nice little friendship group and they were super happy and confident.

We knew it would be a change going to school without any of the nursery friends and were prepared for ups and downs nut for since the week before half term my dc has been physically injured by another child every school day.

I'm talking accident form injured not a little play fighting.

I have raised it gently to his teacher and them when it continued to the headteacher.

They promised supervision, but every time so far has happened whilst under supervision - usually at registration

They have said they are tackling it with the other child but beyond supervision they can't even reassure me they are keeping them separated.

I totally get that 4 year olds can be a but rough and tumble but surely this child is now a predictable risk?

I have no issues with the other child , I just want mine kept safe, but the school are making me feel silly for making an issue of it.

AIBU to keep on at them? I don't really know what to do now.

Regina this is where I have so much concern. I'm sympathetic that the other child may need support of some kind but I have clearly asked them to give me a plan to protect my child and all they can offer is supervision. The children were clearly supervised already, and at this point it is predictable that mine will suffer an injury if they are together. Yet today, I was told they were placed next to each other at lunch! I understand the schools options are limited but they are not non existent. There was a SEN child at my children's nursery that habitually bit other children. They saw him as a risk and so he constantly had an adult within reach. That was a satisfactory outcome for everyone - I don't believe any parent even had to complain, it was a logical precaution. I understand the child may need support and the school are short handed but surely children's safety is first priority? I have always taught my child not to be physical with others and he isnt, but how long can I keep telling him that when he is being hurt every day

Of course I am not suggesting all SEN children pose a threat to others, I just appreciate that there may be something else going on with a child who consistently hurts others

Wouldn't OP of said if that was the case?
My dc both went to a school with Sen and visual impair dc's and the teachers were very clear when issues came up with students who had additional needs, so we could work together.
Why aren't dc Just naughty anymore - is my point.

YANBU and you are also under reacting.
The school has a duty of care towards your child and it is unacceptable if they are being hurt often
-by another child
-who they are not friends with
-in the classroom.
Your child does not go to school every day to be pushed around.
Your child does not feel safe. Your child's school need to work on their safeguarding policy.

The following taken from OFSTED EARLY YEARS

3. Definition of safeguarding
In relation to children and young people, safeguarding and promoting their welfare is defined in ‘Working together to safeguard children’’_ as:
• protecting children from maltreatment
• preventing impairment of children’s health or development
• ensuring that children grow up in circumstances consistent with the provision of safe and effective care
• taking action to enable all children to have the best outcomes

www.gov.uk/government/publications/inspecting-safeguarding-in-early-years-education-and-skills-from-september-2015/inspecting-safeguarding-in-early-years-education-and-skills-settings#definition-of-safeguarding

ReginaFlangee - I completely understand your distress but as a teacher I think you need to think about what is possible (from the school) to stop this happening.

It's NOT the responsibility of the parents to think up methods of safe guarding for the classroom environment!

@halloweenallyearround the other parent would not know if that was the case. We can only share that sort of information (or even tell you that the other child is finding it tricky) if we have consent from the other child’s parents which usually we do not have.

I definitely don’t think you are overreacting or should have to continue telling your child it’s ok he’s being hurt. I would arrange a meeting with the governors. I would be particularly unhappy as they haven’t tried things which are fairly obvious, as the incidents are happening with adult directed times!

@laiste no you are absolutely right! In this case the school should absolutely be doing more and presenting their plan for how they will stop this/minimise risk to the OP’s child.

I think you’re under reacting if anything

Your child should be safe at school - anything less is entirely unacceptable

THIS

Letter to head outlining everything officially, then chair of governors, then LEA if not resolved.

www.bullying.co.uk/bullying-at-school/what-to-do-if-the-school-doesn-t-resolve-the-bullying/

We had this years ago with our eldest - from 4 years old a certain child would bash his head into the window sill, try to hang him from the coat hooks by his neck, punch him, kick him etc etc - I had to go in on numerous occasions and complain and was told my child was like a magnet to the other and my child should learn to avoid other's behaviours (wtf??) - I was fuming and eventually talked to the grandma who told me "Monty Don, the tv gardener, was a bully in school but look at him now". It was hell for a few years until my son learned to fight back. At one stage, the school used to keep the other one in at playtimes (because we threatened a lot that if our child got hurt again etc etc) and feed him sweets (their idea of punishment) - they're both now nearly 19 and see each other occasionally but the other one is definitely not special needs, just a spoilt git and always has been. If the school won't do anything, make sure you move your child because it will get worse if the other child isn't told he is wrong

You are absolutely right to be concerned. The injuries you describe require force, rather than an odd scuffle. Plus injuries everyday is not right.

You have taken the correct path. Ie. Teacher then head. The governors is definantly the next course. Also, as you say, you appreciate the other child may need extra support, but they have a duty of care to,your child also.

As someone has said, take photos of evidence.

excuse me but not all violent actions are SEN they are more likely to be a dc with social issues which need to be dealt with & even if dc had SEN that still doesn't preclude checking this behaviour - Actually what I am seeing from this is a dc who is a manipulator & able to sneakily attack before the teacher notices - that doesn't sound very SEN to me.

With the extra info given I’d say YANBU.
When this sort of situation comes up in my school, it’s usually the case that the child is over-exaggerated the injury and understating their role in the play or game, and that the parent is panicking and immediately thinking “bullying”, when it’s just that their child is attracted to playing with this child who is learning social behaviour and perhaps doesn’t have boundries. But those sort of injuries, taking place in the classroom, under supervision, not during play...that’s different.
You are not unreasonable at all to ask what the plan is to keep your child safe. I like the fact that you keep saying it’s not about the other child -that’s exactly right.

“Social issues” also come under SEN.

At no point did I say this is acceptable or the OP should be standing for it. Whether the child has a social need or a developmental one or it’s just behaviour, at this level I would expect some sort for a plan. Whether this is a behaviour plan, the school need to implement something that stops this child getting hurt. The priority of the teacher should be keeping the child safe even if that means having the offending child next to her. I would ask for a meeting with the head, a governor but also the safeguarding lead as they aren’t keeping your child safe.

Thanks Regina, it's really helpful to have your insight. I'm particularly interested in the friendship work. Perhaps this is more helpful if managed well than trying to forever keep them apart

@ReginaFlangee Well the school are finding the situation tricky and can obviously not deal with it, so the parent should be very aware.
I would be terrible upset if my dc were acting like this and they didn't say.
Plus that's your experiences not everyone's, I was told and spoke to parent so pretty much new all about the children in my dc classes.
The OP has obviously made the school aware of this situation and there is nothing more than a headteacher likes to do is make excuses for not be able to deal with a Situation, so I'm guessing it would of been mentioned.
It gets my goat, it's as bad as saying a abusive partner must be depressed.

Thanks again everyone. Some fantastic advice I'll be keeping at it. I already have photos for those who have mentioned it x

My sister had to pull my nephew out of nursery for this exact reason. Apparently schools cannot assure the safety of the children their. In this case it was a child with behavioural issues though no learning difficulties and when my sister complained about the bruising/bite marks and the fact my nephew needed stitches she was told that there was nothing they could do, she spoke to the teacher and the mother together and the mother accused her of racism (we share the same race as the woman and child in question) so she pulled him out of the school and lodged several complaints with ofsted. The boy did end up being kicked out of the school three years later.

I had a similar situation at nursery. In our case my conversation with nursery led me to believe there were other concerns around the child that they were monitoring as to what may be causing the behaviour - i.e. Their home life. Could it be the same in this case?
Whilst I have every sympathy with the child and their difficult home life my priority was. my child so I insisted they weren't allowed near mine and they were put on 1:1 supervision, so no YANBU. Do what you need to do to protect your child.

Because at that age the majority of children have learnt normal social rules but it’s beside the point the op has said it’s not about the other child it’s about her child. The school should be doing a much better job of protecting the ops child from being hurt.

Hi
I had exactly the same problems with my daughter. I kept complaining to school everytime an incident happened. I went into school to have a meeting with the deputy head and I ended up taking my daughter back home with me until they sorted it out. The other child finally got excluded for a few days after the meeting. Once this child came back into school I got in touch with the school yet again and told them I was concerned for my child's safety and demanded something to be done. It took a few weeks but eventually they moved the other child into another class. And we've had no problems since.
It would be a shame to change school as your child probably has other friendships developing. But if that would make you both feel happier then go for it as I found sending my daughter to school a very stressful time