AIBU to stop my child’s swim lessons?

[Frustratedmum78]

My DS7 has been learning for 3 years (that’s around £1260) and he can’t swim more than 4 metres, can’t float on his back, cannot do backstroke, can barely tread water. I can’t blame his instructors as he has had many. He just doesn’t seem to be bothered, absolute minimum effort goes in. Part of me wants to use bribery and the other part thinks I need to stop his lessons and go back to them in a year.
He had 3 one to one sessions earlier in the year but the improvement was minimal and only lasted for those sessions.
I believe swimming is an important life skill but I’m banging my head against the wall here! I swear he just goes to socialise!

You have to take him to practise!

YWNBU. Dropping the lessons then returning after a break sounds sensible! Maybe you could take him to the pool just for a fun splash around in the mean time, just to make it a fun event rather than something connected with a goal? Might give him some motivation ...

Yeah, I think the break will do us both good as I just get frustrated now. In January he’ll be going with his school, every day for two weeks. Maybe when he sees his friends swimming it’ll spur him on and I’ll start back with the classes.

Yes you would be very unreasonable to stop the lessons. Swimming is a life skill. I just explained to mine that the lessons are expensive so they need to do their best. There are bribes/rewards for good swimming in lessons and punishments for putting feet on the floor unnecessarily!

The best thing is to get in with them and have fun. They won't compete with perfect swimming strokes but they'll learn much quicker

Well I’ve paid for this month so I’ll try bribery and punishments for the next few lessons and if that has no affect then I’ll give him a break.

I have no idea why we went every single week.

I hated it, the kids hated it.

Really don't get the, 'life skill..' thing.

I gave up with the lessons. It was a waste of money as you say until my son put more weight on and actually was able to float well enough to learn.

You could be talking about my DS - 3.5 years he’s been having lessons, he tries really hard and he’s just been put back down a stage as the one times he managed to swim a length (backstroke) and was put up a stage was clearly a fluke as he’s never managed it since.

I just feel gutted for him - something just hasn’t clicked and it is painful taking him for lessons every week.

I went through the same with my daughter. I gave up. And I care not one bit what other people think.

Just have a break after these lessons end. See how the school lessons help then go back in future when he wants to learn how to swim properly. It will click eventually and he'll want to swim properly when he's older I expect. Mine did.

Really don't get the, 'life skill..' thing.

As in not drowning?

Can you pay for private one on one lessons? That way he doesn't get the opportunity to socialise.

Have you been on holidays where he has spent a lot of time in the pool?
My dd seemed to be getting nowhere with swimming and then we went on holiday and it all clicked (I’m afraid she was only 3 though so it’s not really that similar.....but she had been going for swimming lessons for two years at that point)
Take away the ‘lessons’ aspect and let him reaslise the fun that swimming actually is.

I took DD swimming with me a few times in the summer holidays when she was about five. She had been going to swimming lessons for some time, but just those few sessions playing with me, chasing each other and diving under the water, completely transformed her attitude and enthusiasm. (Though she wasn't originally particularly slow or struggling to learn, but she was nevertheless noticeably better after this.)

At some point her school had a solid week of lessons every day, and that gave another permanent boost to her ability.

Yes - you have to do most the work not the swim teacher
Take him at a weekend and practise floating - make it fun and give rewards. Take some swim toys to throw around in pool. Have him jump in and swim to you. Get further away from the edge each time - offer a giant chocolate button for each metre.
Floating has nothing to do with weight of the child - it’s about keeping air in the lungs and relaxed muscles.
It is a life skill - it stops them dying by drowning - one of the most common causes of childhood deaths

Yanbu. Can't you just take him yourself when you can? I don't see the point in spending thousands on lessons! Most people I know can swim and not had 1 lesson in their life ? Just learned by going with friends and family.

You could be using that money to teach him something you can't teach yourself, like an instrument, a sports club like football or rugby etc. (Forgive me if he's too young to start this but I'm not sure what ages for what you can start these things, it's just a thought)

Stick it would be my advice, he’s at the age where it will click especially as he’ll start getting stronger and more co-ordinated. Repetition is the only way to learn how to swim well and there are plenty of 7 year olds who can’t swim 4 metres. You’re also giving him water confidence.
It’s good exercise for him too. Spending the time and money to help Swim is giving him a life long gift, it’ll encourage him to swim, maybe surf, be confident to go on the water in other sports, learn to dive. And without sounding dramatic it could quite literally save his life one day.
My 6 year old is full of enthusiasm, loves swimming and has had lessons for two years and his at best doing a fast foggy paddle. But that doggy paddle will turn into proper strokes soon as she develops and gets stronger. My 8!year old sounded like your son until about 6 months ago. Still
Moans a bit about swimming lessons but loves water. We went on hols half term where there was a pool and he was brilliant, confident, swam like a fish and swam properly to race other kids. And we didn’t have to worry at all about his water safety. Lessons do pay off. My two will stop swimming lessons only when they qualify as lifeguards!

Life skill...hmmm

I'm 29. Can't swim. Never drowned.

I know a lot of adults who can't swim, and also, never drowned.

I'd say, see this month out. Lots of positive encouragement. If no improvement, stop the lessons.

Peer pressure may be your friend here. He may click when he starts school lessons.

You could try to teach him yourself but that is basically teaching him to tread water and move around versus someone teaching him proper strokes, and how to swim properly. I’m a great swimmer but can’t teach my own kids! They want to mess about in the pool and play games with me ( also part of learning how to swim in a sense) rather than do the work of learning strokes. So I pay someone else for that part.

If you’re finding it frustrating I suggest you go bit don’t watch the actual lesson.

Kelsoooo and you don't want to learn to swim? I find that strange!

One of my bf couldn't swim and I was shocked. In Australia you'd be hard pressed to find an adult who can't. My bf was Irish, but at the age of 25 took up swimming lessons.

6 months of 1:1 made huge difference for my kids after years of not making much progress in lessons

I took my child swimming. She didn't want to be shown the strokes so i got her noodle, dive sticks, goggles and a float.
Just let her get used to water and held her until she wanted to support herself. Holding poolside and kicking. Showing the breathing. Showing her my swimming.
Chucking her around the pool.
Eventually, she was willing to let me support her on her front whilst she did the arms.
But mainly she used to spin onto her back when tired. Fine.
Now she swims fast, dives, holds breath for ages underwater.
Yanbu to stop the lessons for now. You could consider having a go?