Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop my child’s swim lessons?

56 replies

Frustratedmum78 · 07/11/2018 19:19

My DS7 has been learning for 3 years (that’s around £1260) and he can’t swim more than 4 metres, can’t float on his back, cannot do backstroke, can barely tread water. I can’t blame his instructors as he has had many. He just doesn’t seem to be bothered, absolute minimum effort goes in. Part of me wants to use bribery and the other part thinks I need to stop his lessons and go back to them in a year.
He had 3 one to one sessions earlier in the year but the improvement was minimal and only lasted for those sessions.
I believe swimming is an important life skill but I’m banging my head against the wall here! I swear he just goes to socialise!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2018 20:23

My dyspraxic ds6.5 is the same, still in stage one after starting to swim at age 4. He loves his lessons so we are continuing, it just hasn't clicked. If he's hating it, give up lessons and take yourself. I learned from going every week with my parents and just freestying it in the pool, more enjoyable.

sickmumma · 07/11/2018 20:26

The best thing we ever did was get one of those bestway pools for the garden for the summer! My 7 year old learnt to swim in it this summer despite being scared to put his face fully under the summer before and my 4 year old is almost there too! My 9 year old swims quite well considering we don't go much. They have had one term of lessons each but I couldn't afford the £550 they wanted for the next term for three of them and it didn't feel justified.

Serin · 07/11/2018 20:36

Ours were useless in classes as well.
Taking them for a mess around in the pool, with their friends who were better swimmers, really helped it to click for them. Wave pools are good for this.

Original poster
Frustratedmum78 · 07/11/2018 20:39

We do take him, we have tried different approaches. The fun way and the strict “right we are here to learn” way. We have spent ages trying to get him to float on his back. He really just doesn’t get it. I’m going to try bribery next week, punishment the week after and then he can have some time off until he goes every day with the school.

OP posts:
anniehm · 07/11/2018 20:39

We did stop, dd wasn't improving and hated them. We went on holiday to Disney Paris that year and we went to the pool, none of the kids her age had armbands and we said ok don't wear them swim instead - and we won't make you go to any more swim lessons ... and she swam a width! Dh took her every 2 or 3 weeks that summer and she now is an amazing swimmer despite never having more formal lessons, she is planning on getting her lifeguard certification for this summer

Sowhatifidosnore · 07/11/2018 20:42

I’d ignore anyone saying not being able to swim isn’t a big deal. It is. And limiting. It’s like not being able to ride a bike. Imagine being an adult who’s unable to go out of their depth in a pool or sea or water of any kind, hownpants would that be!

kayakingmum · 07/11/2018 20:43

Have you asked him if he wants to go swimming? If his heart isn't in it it's probably best to take a break.

I think it's important to learn to swim. Not just to reduce the risk of drowning but because if you can't swim loads of sports (which he may love) become impossible to pursue.

Sowhatifidosnore · 07/11/2018 20:44

please don’t punish your child for not enjoying lessons, I can’t thjnk of anything less likely to encourage him to try...

MiggledyHiggins · 07/11/2018 20:46

With us, DS only really got enthusiastic after we had been on holiday at a really good waterpark and he saw all the slides he couldn't do because you either had to be 1.2 m (he was 1.1) or a swimmer or both. And seeing the fun other children had in the various pools while he was clinging on to the edge.

Since we've been back he's gone up a level and is determined to go on all the slides he missed out on last year.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 07/11/2018 20:47

Take him on holiday. I was in the exact same situation with DD and did cancel her lessons.

Went on holiday, 10 days in the pool, a treat of a Fanta from the swim up bar if she could go all the way without putting her feet down and she was away! Couldn't bloody believe it.

GU24Mum · 07/11/2018 20:49

Sounds like my middle one - just doesn't really get it - starts off horizontal, doesn't really kick properly, comes up to breathe and stops - goes from horizontal to legs dropping in the water so now even harder to kick - a few breaths later and he's virtually upright! I've tried teaching him, not teaching him, bribery, encouragement, shouting (OK, possibly not the best.....), different lessons, no lessons, swimming on holiday, having a break.............................. I gave up when he was about 7 as I couldn't face the battle.

So, no, I don't think you ABU to stop the lessons. There's only so much flogging a dead horse you can do.

FaFoutis · 07/11/2018 20:53

I cancelled the lessons for all three of my children and took them to centreparcs instead. It was cheaper and they were swimming by the end of the holiday.

SatsumaFan · 07/11/2018 20:54

I ditched ds (age 7 also)'s swimming lessons earlier this year as he hated them, I hated them, the preschooler hated having to wait around in the filthy sauna of a local public swimming pool (it really needs knocking down).

I can't understand why some parents put themselves through years of hell if the child isn't enjoying it one but and you have to drag them up there kicking and screaming. Dh and I have decided to teach them ourselves, and take them to a much nicer hotel pool around once a week.

Also, what does the leisure centre say about his lack of progress? Ours didn't seem to care that my ds was stuck in Stage 1 (don't think they had spaces in Stage 2 so kept him there Hmm).

Disneydilemma · 07/11/2018 20:55

My ds is 6 and we’re still waiting for it to click. We’ve had a few breaks from lessons and tried different instructors but despite really trying his best he can still only just manage 5 metres.
I’ve been advised to take him with one of those shark fins and just get him to swim with that for a few lengths at a time to build up his stamina.

eggncress · 07/11/2018 20:56

I taught my kids to swim by trying to make it fun. We went to a private pool where you could take inflatables and where they were allowed to wear flippers on their feet. They practised with flippers, kicking while holding onto the side and eventually they got around to letting go.
Seeing how easy it was with flippers gave them confidence and eventually they took the flippers off and were able to swim.Onviously this didn’t happen in one day but over a few months, going once a week.
Going abroad on holiday and doing the same in the sea also helped. Not saying it will work for you but it definately taught my kids to swim. They are reasonably confident swimmers now ( without flippers )
It’s also how I learned to swim quite late ( aged 13) as I was scared of the water.

Rogueone · 07/11/2018 21:00

My DS2 hated swimming, truly hated it, he struggled with lessons and we stopped them once he could actually swim albeit a short distance. The only thing that really made a difference was the school lessons starting and him not wanting to be in the bottom group and our regular summer holiday abroad. . He practiced with his sister during holidays as he realised we wouldn't let him into the pool unless he could swim! He can swim now, doesn't have a great technique. Three years and 4 metres is not a good sign and sounds like he truly doesnt enjoy it. I am assuming he will get lessons with school and a bit of peer pressure usually sorts it out! Should add though that my mother cant swim and she is still with us!

Witchofzog · 07/11/2018 21:08

Anyone who says it is not a life skill is doing their dc a huge disservice. I wasn't taught to swim and can only really swim in shallow water. I have missed out on SO much as a result. Boat trip on holiday this year. Guess who couldn't swim from the boat in Crystal clear water? Water park? Nope, not confident enough to fully participate. Scuba diving? Forget it. I was the only one not going on that trip. Not to mention drowning.

So what if you don't like the lessons. I didn't either and it took up years worth of Saturday mornings. But my ds is now a confident swimmer who loves the water and that's invaluable

BikeRunSki · 07/11/2018 21:12

DH is an adult who can’t swim.
I have had to pull him out of a river when he slipped on stepping stones, and slipped out of his depth.
He has been turned down for jobs twice due to his inability to swim (he was otherwise the preferred candidate).
There were other career paths closed to him.

He also refuses to go on any family holiday where the main free activity is swimming, pool or beach. So no Centre Parcs or all inclusive pool/hotel type holidays.

I swam competitively as a teen, and DS (10) is beginning to. Dd (7) is also a keen, strong swimmer. We are all planning a scuba diving holiday in a few years time without DH,when the dc are old enough.

Not being able to swim is not completely a show stopper, but it’s very limiting.

For now though, I would give the OP’s child a break, and see hiw he goes with the school lessons. Peer pressure cab work wonders!

Rogueone · 07/11/2018 21:39

BikeRunSki why doesn’t your DH learn? Or is he fearful. Just a question? My mum didn’t learn after her friend died in a whirlpool as a DC and made her fearful of water

Redskyandrainbows67 · 07/11/2018 21:44

I made my dh learn when we had our first child - he needed to be able to save ds if he fell into a river or something imo it was part of his duty of being a dad

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 21:46

Hi OP.

I know a great swim school but they are ridiculously expensive ! PM if your interested.

Icedgemandjelly · 07/11/2018 22:09

If you can afford it in the short term then please do private 1 2 1 lessons in a private pool. They're around 16-25 pounds but lots of teachers will let you do fortnightly. If you consider that a weekly lesson cost £8 - £10 and has upwards of 6/8 kids who take it in turns to swim so probably only 10mimd of a 30 min session then the 1 2 1 is a lot more cost effective. Private has got my dd to swimming 10m in 6mnths and she has dyspraxia. Best money spent. Swimming is an important skill and makes holidays more enjoyable as a child and adult. I know several adults who can't swim and it does impact their holiday choices and they do feel sad about it.

BikeRunSki · 07/11/2018 22:16

RogueOne He has no interest at all. Not fear so much, just not interested. He's also convinced that he is too thin to float. This is clearly boswollox, as DS has a very similar physique and is a very good swimmer.

He's probably realised that he wouldn't get all that lovely time to himself when I take the DC swimming!

AllDriedOut · 07/11/2018 22:49

Woah! Expensive lessons!

I'm a swim teacher and I agree with you that in order to improve he needs to put in effort.

I would suggest take him yourself for a fun splash around every week and enrol him in crash course style lessons ieach school holiday. Or, if its feasible 1-1 lessons.

Original poster
Frustratedmum78 · 07/11/2018 22:56

GU24MUM that’s exactly what he’s like! He doesn’t kick! His arms pull him along for the first few strokes, he won’t come up for air, in the meantime his legs are sinking lower and lower. I swear he’s got heavy legs Grin he plays rugby so there’s plenty of go in them.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread