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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is top level CFery??

156 replies

HashtagTeamRaven · 06/11/2018 14:23

Back in May, a colleague asked to borrow £100 as she needed to buy a new phone. We were both living abroad and the phone was quite important as it was her only contact with her family. It was really sprung on me tbh and I'm a complete doormat so I lent it to her, she swore she'd pay it back the following week on Pay Day.
Her pay was subsequently delayed and before she was paid, I moved back home.
We're in contact on FB and she has been telling me for months she'd pay it but has been having various issues organising it with the bank.

Today she has messaged me saying she can't figure out how to pay but as she is getting married in April, she'd like to take it as a gift.

It's £100!!
I'd possibly give that for my best friend or sister, but couldn't justify that for someone I barely know.

AIBU in thinking this is shockingly cheeky??

She's making me feel terribly guilty. She's on low pay and is claiming she's too shy to ask our old boss to help her sort the payment.

To think this is top level CFery??
OP posts:
Justkeepsledging · 06/11/2018 16:40

To be fair, GBP 100 is probably one of the cheapest phones available in KSA. Assuming it's the same as the rest of the region, you don't have the concept of getting a free phone with a mobile plan so phones are expensive. That bank looks like it's some special Philippines bank so it probably is restricted in what transfers it will allow.

If she's paid in cash she also probably doesn't have a credit or debit card. Whilst the OP hasn't said she's a maid (and there are a lot of Filippinas doing other jobs in KSA, particularly nursing), the fact that she's paid in cash means she's likely to be household staff.

OP, she can transfer the money - she just needs to go to a money exchange / money transfer place. They will be in every shopping mall. Other employees will use them and be able to tell her where to go. I do think she's a CF and has decided you're a risk westerner who can afford it. No way she'd normally be expecting people to give GBP 100 for her wedding.

That said, you have to decide how much headspace to give this. If you can afford to write off the money I would do so. It's not worth the effort. She is a CF but not one you ever have to deal with again. I'd write it off and then cut her off.

OVienna · 06/11/2018 16:40

I suspect she'll block you if you mention your former boss and also is she the type who might try to claim to the boss you're extorting money from her? Could that make things worse for you in terms of referencing?

Do you still know someone there who she could give the money to that could transfer if for you? That's the route I would take.

Justkeepsledging · 06/11/2018 16:42

rich Westerner

KittensAndCake · 06/11/2018 16:58

it will be my pleasure
She can fuck right off with her pleasure, if she can afford to get married she can afford to pay you back. CF of the highest order Angry

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/11/2018 16:58

The colleague's employment situation is not the OP's responsibility! FFS. For all we know this gal's been scamming loads of folks

This ^^

And FWIW I'd also write it off - not out of wanting to "give in to her", more a realisation that you almost certainly won't get the money no matter what you do

EK36 · 06/11/2018 17:05

Maybe ask for 50 back. It's better than nothing and you may have a better chance of getting it!

M3lon · 06/11/2018 17:27

I don't think this is cheeky at all...in fact I'm going to try it with my mortgage lender...just pop them a message saying that as its my birthday coming up I'll take the the outstanding money as a gift.

Awesome!

biscuitmillionaire · 06/11/2018 17:27

How much is she earning per month, approximately? (i.e., is she a maid, or in a better paid position?)

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/11/2018 17:27

It is cf at its best. Did you know you were moving before she asked for the loan. I wonder if you were targeted because of that. Is she really getting married?

I agree with being philosophical. Sometimes it is better write things off than to fight.

dontalltalkatonce · 06/11/2018 17:30

I doubt you'll see a penny of the money, but I'd drop her in it to as many as possible because I reckon she scams every mug she meets. And please grow a spine.

BlancheM · 06/11/2018 17:32

Pinnacle of cheeky fuckery. Holy grail. I almost think she deserves a cash prize for the achievement 😂

Original poster
HashtagTeamRaven · 06/11/2018 17:43

Oh crikey, I was only out for a couple of hours. Catching up now

OP posts:
MakeAHouseAHome · 06/11/2018 17:43

What the heck!? I am angry on your behalf at her messaged but am also gobsmacked at the people saying just let her have it - WTAF!? It doesn't soind like this woman and the OP are at all close and the OP owes this woman nothing. £100 is not an insignificant amount and it is not the OPs problem is she is on a low wage or is having trouble transferring money. In this day and age there are so many ways to transfer money overseas and she is being an utter CF!!

MakeAHouseAHome · 06/11/2018 17:44

What the heck!? I am angry on your behalf at her messaged but am also gobsmacked at the people saying just let her have it - WTAF!? It doesn't soind like this woman and the OP are at all close and the OP owes this woman nothing. £100 is not an insignificant amount and it is not the OPs problem is she is on a low wage or is having trouble transferring money. In this day and age there are so many ways to transfer money overseas and she is being an utter CF!!

SandAndSea · 06/11/2018 17:56

I like @Returnofthesmileybar 's response.

Pls don't let this go. If it helps, see it as good practise for dealing with CFs.

Original poster
HashtagTeamRaven · 06/11/2018 18:02

OK trying to read all 100 messages since I've been out Grin

  1. Not fake I promise, the pixelated is using the mosaic function on my phone on a screenshot of her Facebook message.

  2. May suggest Western Union thank you

  3. yes Never a borrower nor a Lender be, though she did back me into a corner at the time.

  4. The Daily Mail are fuckers and can fuck off.

5)It doesn't really change anything, but she is likely paid around £300 a month if she is a FT maid in KSA. I would be considering whether I needed the money more than her tbh. (With the disclaimer that I am also a pushover/wet lettuce). I am leaning towards this (she's paid about £500 I think) however at the same time, she didn't need to buy such an expensive phone (I believe it was £250 total) and £100 goes a very long way in the Philippines, so from her perspective its a large loan.

  1. our boss is a very nice woman and won't cause her problems. The family are very decent, especially considering the norm there, so there is no concern for her safety. Having said that, I'm not going to talk to the Boss about it. That just seems harsh and a bit petty for the boss who would not be impressed either way.

  2. I do have some acquitences who could possibly collected and then PayPal me.

  3. she's not a maid, she's a Nurse. Her pay is low in comparison to UK wages but high for the Philippines and her salary is all hers, room and board provided for the job.

  4. she is most likely genuinely getting married as she was engaged whilst I was there and I saw her fiance.

  5. The average salary in the Philippines is roughly £6000 a year, so if the tradition is to give £100 to a distant colleague for a wedding then they all must be spending on gifts left right and centre.

OP posts:
Forgotmycoat · 06/11/2018 18:03

Op this is ridiculous. If she is a foreign worker I'm sure she sends money to her family abroad? There's no way that in 2018 that she can't send money from one country to another. There are western union type places EVERYWHERE in Saudi. She's trying her luck. Don't let her get away with it.

mintyfresh00 · 06/11/2018 18:07

I love her brashness 😂😂

MorbidlyObese · 06/11/2018 20:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Justkeepsledging · 07/11/2018 05:54

@MorbidlyObese - where were you living?

Everywhere I've lived and been in the ME has been full of Filipinas doing a multitude of jobs - yes maids but I'd say over half the office receptionists I meet are Filipina for example. I don't think Carrefour or Lulus could function without Filipina staff. The hospitals certainly couldn't function without Filipina nurses! .

Senior professionals are still fairly rare (but then there aren't enormous numbers of senior female professionals full stop) but I have met a few. I'd say the vast majority of Filipinas I meet are not maids.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 07/11/2018 06:45

Problem with most responses here is that they are coming from a very British perspective and British culture. Whilst people may gaily say that a CF is still a CF whatever country they are in, it is really not that simple.
The request to ‘borrow’ £100 should really be read as ‘I have no money and am desperate. There’s no way I can pay this back and I am sure you know it too. I’m asking because I know you have spare money and I don’t. It would be deeply shaming however for me to ask for charity from you, and deeply embarrassing for you too, because you will feel awful if you refuse, so I will ask for a loan instead, that way we will all save face’
I’ve lived in a number of countries in Asia and Africa and the misconceptions about westerners and their bottomless money pits are huge. We learnt to roll with it (buying a live cow to be sacrificed and eaten over a week-long funeral probably being the most memorable point; another highlight was when our maid ranted at us for 10 minutes about how unreasonable we were for asking for a huge sack of flour to be returned to us, on the grounds that ‘you never told me not to steal flour’).
Anyways, long story short, let it go. The realisation that you actually expected to be repaid will have caused her to spin with anxiety for long enough, and her comments about wedding gift are another gauche way of trying to find a solution that saves face for everyone. Yes, some people do rip foreigners off and make a living out of it; this doesn’t strike me as one of those situations.

NotAllIndividuals · 07/11/2018 07:31

Yep as above. The 'i don't know how to send your money' isn't literal. There is no Filipino overseas worker that doesn't know how to transfer money! I don't mean to sound to sound harsh but you said yourself that you could afford the £100 to be written off so put it down to experience. She doesn't have the money. If you keep pushing you'll both feel crap. Be generous, well you already have been so embrace it!

CoraPirbright · 07/11/2018 08:55

Sorry - I should have made it clear when I first suggested it - I didn’t think you should actually involve your old boss. I just hoped a bit of sabre rattling would galvanise her into action. I think you might have to write this off but a final message telling her that you think her actions are appalling would certainly help me In this situation!

LucieMorningstar · 07/11/2018 09:17

You said:

Today she has messaged me

But the time on the screen shot is 18:14 and you’ve posted on MN at 14:23.

Are you Marty Mcfly???

🧐

Horsewithnomane · 07/11/2018 09:17

In future you must say to people - sorry, I have got no money either.