What kind of mother would cast away their own child?

[TheDogsBollock]

Adult child admittedly but I can't imagine my feelings changing that much to my children when they're adults.

And all because uncomfortable questions were asked.

I dont think I'd be best impressed with my girls if they have an affair with a family man. That wasn't on your list I don't think.

She'd sooner lose you than face up to something she did in the past.
Not your fault except for raising it.
This is why abuse survivors get abandoned by their families all the time, siding with the perpetrator - denial is easier than the truth.
Glad that life is better for you without her.
What sort of woman? - a weak one who would sooner blame the victim

That's a giant leap, unless I've missed something? The last time I looked the OP hadn't given any indication of why her mother has disowned her.

Maybe if OP gave facts, instead of riddles, we could come to an informed decision. There's no use in anyone making it up as they go along.

Without the full facts it would be hard to comment.

arethereanyleftatall
I wouldn’t be happy if either of my two did this but definitely wouldn’t make me disown them that’s a bit harsh

@Ghanagirl it's just a shit thing to do. There are lots of shit things kids can do whichdont include criminality or other things on ops list.

There are numerous posts on here where people are advised to go NC where a relationship with someone in their family is causing them distress. It doesn't have to be that the other person has done anything that they might deem significant, just that the relationship and cumulative incidents get too much.
You feel unable to explain what has happened OP but based on the (lack of) information provided I think that yes, there could be a reason. I can't imagine it for my own children, but perhaps.

Don’t have the brain space to solve the riddle. A child would have to do something seriously awful in my book. I still couldn’t imagine actually doing it.

Sorry Katniss. I misread reading through tears. I read it as she 'legitimately' disowned you in your opinion!

Mine was similar in how dare I want to know my father (they were together until I was 5) and any questions about what kind of man he was so I could try to gauge if I could trust him enough to have a relationship with him, were taken as wanting to know about their relationship and why they divorced which was none of my business of course. Figured out stuff from him which she probably didn't want me to know. Changed my view of her and also opened up some childhood stuff so she tried to limit the damage by disowning me, I presume.

I don't understand how a MOTHER, especially a mother, could be so calculating and shut down feelings for a child (and grandchildren) she'd had for almost 40 years. It's unfathomable to me. She will never forgive me and has no regrets, sleeps soundly etc.

She has again blanked me when I tried to offer an olive branch, for me because it has affected my MH badly no matter how much I am told I'm better off without her.

Makes me question how she justifies herself?

On the waiting list for more therapy.

Cross post.

Not sure why mother in 3rd para came out in caps.

Relationships do break down between even the closest of family members.

I'm not saying it's justified, but there can be reasons (both good and bad) for going non contact with somebody even if you love them.

op thats so hard. Have you considered councilling to get your feelings out? The hardest part is wanting answers off someone who is not willing to provide them for you. It clearly distresses you so i think you should speak to a professional to help you.

Does your mother have MH issues, OP?

Perhaps there is a lot of guilt on her part, and she cannot deal with answering the 'uncomfortable questions ' that were asked. (It may have felt easier for her to walk away than face up to some hidden truths or family secrets perhaps). Without knowing the whole story or what sort of mother she was beforehand, its really hard to know for sure.

I am in no way saying that I agree with her casting you aside, but not everyone deals with situations in the same way.

You could be one of my siblings @TheDogsBollock, my mother did the same to them, along with a string of other bizarre and damaging behaviour

Some people are arseholes, some people have kids and unfortunately that means that sometimes arseholes have kids, so some kids have arseholes for parents....all we can do is live the best life we can, not make the same mistakes they did and get therapy if you need it.

That's a giant leap, unless I've missed something? The last time I looked the OP hadn't given any indication of why her mother has disowned her.

I think that comment was in response to a different post Penny

Dogs no, I don't think that's a good reason to disown your child.

It says a lot about the kind of person your mother is, though.

Cross,post, just read your latest explanation

There's no reason to disown your child. There's nothing my daughter could do that would stop me loving her

Someone above said being a drug addict was a good reason to disown! What a tool

You obviously don't have to answer, but Was your father absent and did you ask your mum about him.

Perfectly reasonable but maybe something happened and your mum has always been terrified of you asking.

ownit that was me. Obviously i meant the extreme end of the drug addict scale. If my child was stealing off me to buy drugs, won’t accept any help etc.

That sounds awful. I wonder from her point of view (NOT saying this is right), she thinks she raised you alone and now he is in your life and telling you bad things about her and looking like the good guy? Maybe she feels like he is painting her in a bad light after not being a part of your life and leaving her to do all the parenting? Again, not saying she's right to disown you but just giving how she might feel in this situation.

On the surface her reasons for disowning you appear to be unreasonable. But none of us truly know what's behind marriage breakups or what happened inside that marriage to cause the breakup. Nor do we know the 'tone' of the conversations you had with her. I'm not blaming or saying you did anything wrong, just that there are two sides to every story.

I'm sorry she's disowned you. It seems wrong to me that one parent would disown the child for trying to find out about their other parent. But at the end of the day, it's your mother's loss not yours. Counseling may help you find peace with her decision.

I'm just wondering about your dad and why he wasn't a part of your earlier life. (None of my business, I know) Just be sure that he has told you the truth about why he wasn't around. My BFF's ex told their son, when the son found him as an adult, that SHE was the reason why he never saw their son as a child. Nothing could have been further from the truth. HE was the one who decided to walk away from his son because he wanted to be footloose and fancy free.

Dont take it all on your shoulders OP. It's easy to think it must be something you've done but it might be all her. She may be suffering MH problems or similar. She may just be an uncaring arsehole who can't be bothered. It doesn't have to be your fault.