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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF mum friend

75 replies

Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 19:58

I put ‘mum friend’ because, while our sons are good friends, we are not close. I like her but we never hang out.

It’s DS’ 5th birthday party in a couple of weeks and I texted her an invite because they have moved house and we don’t bump into them any more.
I received a reply ‘he would love to come but we may have to drop him off at yours as DS1 has a party “a long way away”’.
WTF? Even my close friends wouldn’t do this. The party is on Sunday morning at a local venue, but we are catering and have to set up, so I have no doubt I will be like a headless chicken beforehand. It’s a joint b’day party and both families are going out for lunch afterwards.
I’m a bit of a wuss, and will probably agree for him to come with us as long as he is picked up at the end, but It’s additional pressure I don’t need. I’m helping out with 2 school discos on the Friday, it’s DH’s birthday on the Saturday and DS has another party on the Saturday.
I wouldn’t ask for anyone to do this for us.

OP posts:
lillylollylandy · 05/11/2018 19:59

So tell her it doesn't work for you?

HermioneWeasley · 05/11/2018 20:02

Erm, not sure how it’s cheeky? She’s telling you what logistics work for her.

Singlenotsingle · 05/11/2018 20:02

I'd rescind the invitation in that case. If it's a "long way away" they probably won't be back in time to pick him up afterwards.

Fridaydreamer · 05/11/2018 20:02

If it’s not convenient say so...

“Ahh that’s a shame I have too much on that day for him to be dropped off here sorry. Let me know if you manage to sort arrangements so he can come as DS would love to see him.”

End of discussion.

DaphneFanshaw · 05/11/2018 20:02

Well, you don’t have to say yes obviously, but I would have thought it would be easier to have a friend for your ds to play with while you get everything set up.
I don’t think she is being all that cheeky, we have done similar for plenty of people over the years and it hasn’t been a big deal.

frecklefox · 05/11/2018 20:03

Is she saying their other son has a party a long way away on the same day? If that's the case, I get her predicament. She's trying to work out a way to get both boys to their friends' parties so neither misses out.

I might just be a pushover but I don't see a problem unless you know he'll be a handful while you're trying to set up, might keep the birthday boy company while you're getting sorted too Smile

KC225 · 05/11/2018 20:04

Say no - you will be too busy. If she knows other kids going, suggest she contact ABC or XYZ to arrange something. If not say, That is a shame, well there will be other parties. Have a good weekend.

ShalomJackie · 05/11/2018 20:04

It is usual for people to drop kids off at parties once they start school though. Has she specifically asked for you to have him early or collect late?

redsummershoes · 05/11/2018 20:08

cf mum?
no.
it's a party. for 5 year old children. he will be fine on his own while you set up.

Birdsgottafly · 05/11/2018 20:08

My Granddaughter is having a party and we've said that we are happy to pick up/mind children, if the Parents need us to.

If you can't do it, just tell her, but she's told you what help she would need for him to go.

She isn't being a Cf. All you have to do is say no.

sausagepastapot · 05/11/2018 20:10

Yeah I don't think that's CF at all. I think you're being overly sensitive and a bit mean.

Original poster
Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 20:11

I guess it’s just that I wouldn’t ask the host, I’d see if someone else could help out. Or maybe I just get more stressed about that last minute party prep than other people!

But yes, I will tell her what does and doesn’t work, but I suspect that her other son’s party will mean she can’t pick up either.

OP posts:
frothy · 05/11/2018 20:11

She is not being cheeky, but trying to find a way for her child to attend.

If you can't have him, you can't have him. End of tbh

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 05/11/2018 20:11

My dd always had a kid come early at her parties and it was a useful distraction for her. Also kids helped out a bit carrying food etc.

beyondthesky · 05/11/2018 20:13

I wouldn't mind dropping early but I would be more concerned about them not being able to pick him up on time afterwards.

Original poster
Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 20:15

It also means we will have to do two car runs as we won’t have room for everyone.

Which for a 10.30 set up and food to cook/prep, birthday cake and 30 cupcakes to ice beforehand means half an hour less in bed...

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 05/11/2018 20:15

Shes not a CF.
You sound like you're making a mountain out of a molehill. All you have so do is say youll be out the house doing last min prep and set up so it wont work for you. This situation is hardly worth posting on here about.

Original poster
Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 20:16

But yes, manageable whereas pick up is not possible.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 05/11/2018 20:18

Wow, you are making really heavy weather of this.

Racecardriver · 05/11/2018 20:19

This really doesn’t seem cheeky to me. Perhaps the tone was a bit presumptive but that is often the case when texting.

Original poster
Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 20:19

Don’t worry Buns, next time I’ll stick to world poverty and the impact our consumerism is having on the environment... 😐

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 05/11/2018 20:19

If it means 2 car runs I'd just say you can't manage. Too much to deal with and no space in car.Sounds like stress you don't need. I also wouldn't ask what she has.

GettingBackToMe · 05/11/2018 20:20

Agree she's not a CF, just trying to work out a solution.

Is she friends with any of the other invitees parents? Maybe you could tell her that you don't have room in the car but X, Y and Z are all coming in case she wants to ask them for help?

RibbonAurora · 05/11/2018 20:20

I’m not sure why she’s a CF, she’s not demanding you have the child, just explained the situation she’s in and now you either say yes or no. Your lack of assertiveness isn’t her fault if you don’t like to say no.

Mummyshark2018 · 05/11/2018 20:20

Normal for school aged children to be dropped off unless there's a specific reason to stay (I haven't found one yet!).