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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF mum friend

75 replies

Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 19:58

I put ‘mum friend’ because, while our sons are good friends, we are not close. I like her but we never hang out.

It’s DS’ 5th birthday party in a couple of weeks and I texted her an invite because they have moved house and we don’t bump into them any more.
I received a reply ‘he would love to come but we may have to drop him off at yours as DS1 has a party “a long way away”’.
WTF? Even my close friends wouldn’t do this. The party is on Sunday morning at a local venue, but we are catering and have to set up, so I have no doubt I will be like a headless chicken beforehand. It’s a joint b’day party and both families are going out for lunch afterwards.
I’m a bit of a wuss, and will probably agree for him to come with us as long as he is picked up at the end, but It’s additional pressure I don’t need. I’m helping out with 2 school discos on the Friday, it’s DH’s birthday on the Saturday and DS has another party on the Saturday.
I wouldn’t ask for anyone to do this for us.

OP posts:

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 05/11/2018 21:00

I think it very cheeky to say that they are going to "drop him off" without that having been offered as an option. Sounds like you'd be expected to babysit before and after the party. It's perfectly ok to say "what a shame, we are busy before and after the party, it would be great together soon though".

Even my closest friends would also ask rather than assume. This woman has minions (and you might be one of them).

hellojim · 05/11/2018 21:01

I would explain your plans and ask her if she can drop her child off with another family.

NorthEndGal · 05/11/2018 21:06

Still no sure where the cheekiness was? She asked, not insisted, so it's not like you just sprung it on you either....

Antigon · 05/11/2018 21:07

Ignore the people calling you mean, OP. You've clearly got a lot on.

This is her problem to sort. Either:

Her DS doesn't come to your Ds's party or

One parent takes their DS1 to the other party and one parent brings their other DS to your party.

Either way, just tell her that you won't be able to look after her son and if they can't make it then you underetand.

BunsOfAnarchy · 05/11/2018 21:08

Don’t worry Buns, next time I’ll stick to world poverty and the impact our consumerism is having on the environment... 😐

That'll definitely be the worst most boring post in the AIBU section then! At least a proper CF or parking thread with photos surely!

Its just such a non-issue. I cant quite understand why you wouldnt have just text straight back that it wasnt suitable for you

ThePinkOcelot · 05/11/2018 21:09

I don’t see a problem personally. She’s just working out how to get both kids to their different parties.

MadeForThis · 05/11/2018 21:20

OP isn't complaining because the mother doesn't want to stay with her Ds at the party. She's complaining because the mum wants to drop her son off at her house before the party. She would have to entertain him and transport him to the party. She's worried if the other mum can collect him on time.

I don't think the other mum is cheeky. She's already committed to a party for her ds1 and is working out how her son can go to your party.

If you say no and she tries to argue then she's a CF.

LEDadjacent · 05/11/2018 21:23

Just say no. No space in the car and plans before and after. Offer to tell her who else is going so she can see whether anyone else can help.

Heismyopendoor · 05/11/2018 21:26

Made has said exactly what I was going to in her/his first paragraph.

I’m on the fence about wether it’s acitally CF territory or not, but I don’t imagine it’s something I would ever ask if I was in her position.

CoolCarrie · 05/11/2018 21:42

It’s not cheeky, just get her child to help out on the day. I did that in the past, got the early children to help out a bit.

EK36 · 05/11/2018 21:42

Just explain that the car is full so you won't have room to take him to the venue. If she is struggling to make it then suggest a playdate another time.

Whereismumhiding2 · 05/11/2018 21:46

just say you have no room in the car hope she can work something else out
^^This
..and that you'll be running around too much.

Gosh a lot of PP have misunderstood/not read OP, haven't they?
I can see why you're thinking CF, OP as you're busy organising and transporting stuff to party venue, getting set up and you never offered to have her child before or after party at your house as well as at party venue. It's a lot to do, so no thanks to the extra playdate she's after. She can sort something out with her OH, or a friend, or one of other children going to party, rather than put upon an already busy mum on your DS's birthday party day!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/11/2018 21:58

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if one child arrived early, except for the fitting him in the car bit. Just let her know you haven’t got room to take an extra one but she’s welcome to ask another mum if they can take him. Presumably she knows other parents of kids her son is friends with?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/11/2018 21:59

Oh god, excuse my shit grammar.

Pics · 05/11/2018 22:04

I would not think it was CF if the party wee at your house, or if she was offering to drop him at the venue a bit early. But I agree that it is not on to expect you to transport him to the venue when you are setting up - I often have many children at mine, at short notice and don't mind being asked - but being expected to have an extra child to transport to a party with all the extra food etc is too much. But I would just respond quickly with one of the responses above rather than over-thinking it.

Pics · 05/11/2018 22:05

"were". Obviously not "wee".

Littlecaf · 05/11/2018 22:07

I think this is about the presumption of “I’ll have to drop him at yours........” rather than “he’d love to come! But we’ve got XYZ to do, so would it be possible to drop at yours beforehand.....” etc etc

So yes YANBU if she’s being presumptive.

rainbowquack · 05/11/2018 22:11

I don't see the issue. Will the child not play with yours while you are getting ready? Alternatively, ask her to ask another parent who is invited as you feel you will be too busy? X

SpareASquare · 05/11/2018 22:20

I've read it more than once trying to 'see' the issue. There really isn't one.

If it doesn't suit you, you say no. If a 5 yr olds birthday party is THAT stressful, tell her you can't manage it. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill. She's not a CF but you may well be a dramallama.

YearBook2923 · 05/11/2018 22:26

What? YABU.

ClarabellaCTL · 05/11/2018 22:45

I totally understand the stress of children's parties having just had my son's. TBH it might be easier as your DS will have a friend to play with while you set up so he won't be under your feet bouncing with excitement. If it really won't work for you, maybe ask if one of the other families could bring him along?

Heismyopendoor · 07/11/2018 07:25

rainbow op has already said she wouldn’t fit this kid in her car and would have to do two trips. That’s a pain

Alfie190 · 07/11/2018 07:38

She didn’t ask though, she said she “may have to”. She should have asked “would it be possible to....”. So I think for not asking, it was a little cheeky.

mummysherlock · 07/11/2018 10:03

I don’t think she’s a CF ( a CF parent would probably just turn up and dump their dc on your doorstep on the morning of the party without prior warning). She is just being honest about the situation with the other party and looking for a way that both her dc can attend their friends parties.
Do you have any mutual friends with children also attending? If so could you suggest she approach one of them and ask to drop off/pick up if it is going to be too much for you?
On a separate note OP, you do seem to be very stressed about the party prep - and it sounds like you’re making a lot of work for yourself. If you are making DS birthday cake yourself, could you just buy some reasonably priced cupcakes from Lidl/Aldi/Asda? The DC are 4-5 yr olds, they really won’t care.

Lizzie48 · 07/11/2018 10:12

I think you're seeing her as being a CF mum because you don't really like her, and this makes you see her text in a negative light. In reality, she's just saying how it is; if it doesn't work for you logistically then just say so, it doesn't have to be a drama.

If she asks again then she'll be a CF, but the impression I'm getting is that she won't because she's committed to DS1's party.

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