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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF mum friend

75 replies

Witchesandwizards · 05/11/2018 19:58

I put ‘mum friend’ because, while our sons are good friends, we are not close. I like her but we never hang out.

It’s DS’ 5th birthday party in a couple of weeks and I texted her an invite because they have moved house and we don’t bump into them any more.
I received a reply ‘he would love to come but we may have to drop him off at yours as DS1 has a party “a long way away”’.
WTF? Even my close friends wouldn’t do this. The party is on Sunday morning at a local venue, but we are catering and have to set up, so I have no doubt I will be like a headless chicken beforehand. It’s a joint b’day party and both families are going out for lunch afterwards.
I’m a bit of a wuss, and will probably agree for him to come with us as long as he is picked up at the end, but It’s additional pressure I don’t need. I’m helping out with 2 school discos on the Friday, it’s DH’s birthday on the Saturday and DS has another party on the Saturday.
I wouldn’t ask for anyone to do this for us.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 05/11/2018 20:21

Just say "Ah thats a pity, no can do I'm afraid, it would mean taking two cars and we have plans straight after in the opposite direction, as I'll be having a few drinks after we can only take the one car do need to leave the other car at home for Monday morning"
I think it's the way she said it that seems cheeky as opposed you what she said but just tell her no

Rachelover40 · 05/11/2018 20:21

I don't think she was cheeky, just stating the facts.
No reason her son can't play with yours while you are 'setting up'.

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/11/2018 20:22

This situation is hardly worth posting here about it would be dead here is people stuck to only serious issues Confused

ShalomJackie · 05/11/2018 20:23

Why not tell her some of the other kids invited and ask whether she could liaise with them about lifts as you haven't space in your car and will be busy with set up, especially if invitations were handed out secretly so as to not cause offence to those not invited.

Zoflorabore · 05/11/2018 20:24

I would be double checking that she is picking him up at the end first before confirming anything as it's likely he will be with you for the full day otherwise.
Make it clear that after the party you have family plans.

I don't think she's being cheeky but more likely trying to accommodate both of her boys. I would be glad of a playmate for my dd if we were in this situation.
Obviously the car situation is a different story.

TheDayMyButtWentPsycho · 05/11/2018 20:26

She's not being a CF.

At a certain age it becomes normal to ditch your kid at a party and collect at the end.

She's just doing that.

wafflyversatile · 05/11/2018 20:26

She doesn't know your plans for that day or the days around it. You invited. She's said what she would maybe need to do in order to accept. If you are unwilling or unable to work round that tell her. She's not psychic.

pretendingtowork1 · 05/11/2018 20:26

"Sorry CF, we don't have room for him in the car. Completely understand if that means he can't come, we'll have to sort a playdate sometime. now sod off"

Namechanger20183110 · 05/11/2018 20:27

For those saying it, the mum is not asking to “drop him off for the party”(which is normal), she is asking if she can drop him at OP’s house before the party starts and then OP takes him to the party with her

puzzledlady · 05/11/2018 20:28

I’m confused if it doesn’t work for you why not just tell her? At tbh - my 4 year old has been to parties where they state that they are happy to have the child without parents if we so wish. You’re thinking way too much into this, the mum was just finding a solution to how her child could attend after you kindly invited her. You have found your answer to why the child can now not attend, just tell her.

Halloweenallyearround · 05/11/2018 20:30

Your stressing which is understandable but really a five olds party all the parents are staying? Your lucky.
And most the time when parents stay they are to busy chatting than actually watching their dc.
Is this your first party?
If you can't do it that's fine, just say or remind her that the party is from 12 til 2 and your going out after. Don't you have a family member or can't your dh keep an eye on the dc?

Gemini69 · 05/11/2018 20:31

OP.. she's setting the ground work for being a CF.. she won't be picking him up.. Say NOW this doesn't work... Flowers

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/11/2018 20:31

But it's not just dropping at a party, that is normal, this is dropping earlier and at op's house not at the venue so it's totally different and involves two cars instead of one

SD1978 · 05/11/2018 20:33

She obviously feels you are better friends than you think you are. If you don't want, don't do it. I would t have an issue, I don't see an issue, would extend the excitement for the kids. You've sent an invite. She's sent a solution that works to attend. You don't like it, then tell her. Labelling of CF in this situation is a tad unfair.

Henrysmycat · 05/11/2018 20:33

That’s normal. Where’s the CFckery? We’ve done that a lot through the years.
Does your son have play dates? Do you demand that parentsxstsyviver to look after their kids? Hmm

eggstoast · 05/11/2018 20:35

Don’t see it as cheeky. She’s just explained her circumstances and is trying to work out a solution.
If it doesn’t work for you text her back and say so.

oblada · 05/11/2018 20:35

Just explain you don't have space in the car/need the child picked up at a certain time. Simples.

GabsAlot · 05/11/2018 20:40

just say you have no room in the car hope she can work something else out

Holidayshopping · 05/11/2018 20:42

Just say sorry, but you’ve already got a carful.

Looneytune253 · 05/11/2018 20:42

Well that’s perfect. Just send a quick message back saying ‘so sorry we don’t have enough room in the car for an extra one’

pictish · 05/11/2018 20:45

I agree with the others here...she’s not being cheeky, she has other commitments and is trying to resolve so her lad can come to your lad’s party. I think that was fine to ask. You certainly don’t have to agree...but she can ask.

LockedOutOfMN · 05/11/2018 20:46

No room in the car, she can ask another guest at the party if she can drop her DS there early.

LotsToThinkOf · 05/11/2018 20:52

You're being massively over dramatic. I fail to see how your list, including helping at 2 school discos, has anything to do whether whether your 'mum friend' stays at a party with her 5 year old.

She's telling you that this might be possibility, if she was a CF then she'd drop and run. Say no if it doesn't work for you.

MistyMinge · 05/11/2018 20:52

Compared to some of the cheeky fuckery I've seen on here, this is mild. She's saying he wants to go, but she's going to struggle to get him there. I get that you might find it a hassle, but don't think badly of her for putting the suggestion to you.

Honeyroar · 05/11/2018 20:55

She's not being cheeky, just honest. She's got a previous commitment to take her other son to a party in the opposite direction. (Was your invite a bit last minute?). She's trying to find a solution. You're perfectly entitled to say sorry, you'll be rushed off your feet and wouldn't be able to cope. Is there a compromise? A mutual friend who could bring him if he was dropped off there?