To take DD to baby group with a cold?

[voxnihili]

I'm genuinely asking for opinions as I'm not sure what to do. DD is 3 months old and is getting over a cold. Should we steer clear of baby groups this week? Aside from one unsettled night she's not at all grumbly. I think I'm now starting to come down with it.

My opinion is that's it's just a cold and we should just get on with life. I'm a teacher and would expect children in school with a cold if they're otherwise well. I'd also go to work myself. I feel that if we stay home every time she has a sniffle we'll be home all winter. It's definitely just a cold and not one of those hideous viruses - DP has had it and even his dying duck impressions have been mild compared to his usual attacks of man flu.

WWYD? If she had a fever, sickness, diarrhoea etc I'd definitely keep her home but she's fine in herself.

Op, I was about to say well done for not going, but your latest posts... aren't you being a bit overdramatic? you missed out on one session of baby group, not been shunned by the whole community!

yes, it is a risk paying for activities for children, they do get ill, sometimes you lose money, such is life, I feel you are being a tad passive aggressive actually.

I agree with the majority, of course you can't be expected to stay at home if your baby has a cold, you can go about your business as usual, but baby group... it is very risky, how would you feel if your baby or you passed a cold to a newborn and they ended up very sick, of God forbid die? and don't tell me I am exaggerating, my oldest almost died when he was a newborn after catching a cold, he was a premie, I had to watch him being reanimated and all the doctors shouting and the machines beeping, it was one of the most traumatic events of my life,, and we were lucky, some are not.

And for those saying you take responsibilities for precautions, well, we do, I spent a whole winter in the house to protect my oldest, my DH did all outside stuff, shopping etc., it was hard, but hey, I understand the whole world cannot stop to protect my baby, but baby group! come on, you can survive missing one week of baby group!

@missperegrinespeculiar - maybe I am being dramatic. As I mentioned in one of my other posts, I am battling against PND. A few weeks ago I nearly walked out on my life. I don't have any support. Getting out to groups was about the only thing that was keeping me going and the thought that we could go weeks where we're stuck in over the winter fills me with dread. It probably seems like an overreaction but when you're teetering on the edge it doesn't take much to push you over, especially after I took DD to do something else and our Christmas shopping got stolen.

The reason I didn't go was because I was worried about the effect on others. I put them before my own needs. I certainly don't need the guilt of making someone else unwell to add to everything else.

I know we can get out for walks etc but it's not the same as having contact with people. I never realised how lonely this would be.

Hi OP
Sorry you are having such a rubbish time of it. PND sucks. Do u have people you can talk to? You sound like you are doing a great job.

It's easy to overthink things when u suddenly have all this time alone - yes u have your baby, but they are not good conversationalists! !
Podcasts, TV for you, baby cinema if nearby, is there a working friend you could meet for lunch? Get a bit of structure even if you have to invent it. Plan the great holidays you'll take when she is various ages (I love this, but maybe that's just me! Doesn't matter if they are unrealistic...)
Perfection and getting it right seem to be big worries /factors with pnd. There often aren't right answers. You have to just try and get a balanced picture of what all the risks/benefits are then do what you think is best overall. You can't prevent risk completely, to everyome, and if you try too hard to eliminate it you'll just make your life smaller. Good luck xx

I get where you are coming from OP, your area sounds about crap TBH. For many people with babies these groups are your only social outlet. I think learn to different between your baby being acutely unwell and snuffly but fine then you will only miss the odd group.

It wouldnt have bothered me in the slightest if you had turned up at our playgroup with a kid with a cold

Our area is a bit rubbish for services. It's nice where we are but there are pockets of densely populated deprivation and the services are targeted at people living there. I understand why, there's not enough to go round so they're focusing on the areas they can make most difference. The only thing we have available are the private businesses which are quite costly at a time when you're watching the pennies.

I have things to keep me busy, I like going for walks and I'm also studying while I'm off as that helps my mental health. It's the social aspect I struggle with. I've always been one of those people who gets on with everyone but doesn't have friendships as such. I don't know why.

@voxnihili I haven't read every response so someone could have suggested this but I'm really tired and feeling lazy.

Have you downloaded mush to your phone, it's a Mums meet up you may discover groups you didn't know through there too I certainly did in my area that I'd never have found out about with it. Personally I have no interest in meeting up with a stranger for a coffee and chat with our babies as I'm massively anti-social and PND has made me worse however you seem lonely so perhaps it could be for you. Meet ups in coffee shops etc could be what you need.

Hope your getting help regarding the PND, it's an absolute bitch but you will be okay and you will get better.

Also if your a fb user there's a PND support group that's UK based with people up for a natter, as with online baby groups.

I found I could chat to other mums on the internet and found this helped with the loneliness.

If your usually at work and on maternity leave I'd suggest keeping in touch days if and when you feel up to it, these really helped me too.

Hope you're feeling better this morning, take every day as a new start, keep your chin up and you've got this Mummy.

I don’t think i’ve been to one baby group where there aren’t at least 5 with a runny nose!

I wouldn’t be happy if I took my small baby to a group and there was another baby there clearly full of a cold. Go for a walk or something if you need to get out the house, but there’s no point in giving it to other babies. I’m lucky only 1 of my kids got a cold very little but it was horrible when she couldn’t breath and breastfeed, it was a hard tiring week until she shook it off. I wouldn’t knowingly inflict that on another baby personally.

OP are there any church groups in your area? They are usually good for organising tea and cake and welcome little ones. You'd find lovely people to chat to. This could be an alternative when you don't want to take your lo to plau groups.

Hope you’re ok OP
You sound very considerate. The first 3 months are the hardest. Your baby won’t have a cold all the time so you can go to groups guilt free. Give it time, you will make friends or at least people you speak to regularly.
Often libraries have drop in rhyme time sessions so check that out too.
Hope today has been better.
I think I tended to stay away from groups when my dd had a cold and was very little but we don’t now she’s a toddler - there’s always toddlers with colds at the groups we go to. It’s just part of life.

My otherwise very healthy baby nephew ended up in intensive care for a week. Incubated, sedated, tube fed and the rest.....all because of a cold shared by another mum's older kids.

It's selfish to share a cold. If you don't have to go out, DON'T!

Sorry OP, I should have read your updates. I'm so sorry you are having a tough time just now

Stay at home.

It's not fair to the other babies. Not all children have the same immune system.

The start of a cold, stay home. The end of a cold is ok assuming no coughing, sneezing, or lots of snot.

Sorry for some of the nasty posts on here OP. I think you should use your own judgement. I think it’s fine to go to a baby group if you’re generally feeling fine but a bit of a runny nose etc. But I f your baby if coughing and sneezing constantly, maybe give it a miss...yes babies are ill more than adults and it’s good to strengthen their immune system. Babies will just catch colds easily, it’s unavoidable. I bet there’s loads of babies who are just recovering from a cold but don’t have loads of symptoms at these baby groups. Don’t worry about it too much. Use your judgement.

If babies are always I’ll like some people are saying and no one toon their babies to groups, no one would go to these groups! Either people are taking them or babies aren’t always I’ll! So I say book the block if baby groups and try to go.

Also if the risk was that high these groups would stop in the winter. You cough for ages after the worst of an infection. I'm not quarantining for that long, life is for living.

This thread stands as one of the many threads as to why women finding caring for children isolating and anxiety ridden..

My god some of these posts are a bit dramatic. Why should you stay inside the house for weeks on end during the winter, and sake your mental health for the sake of another baby getting a cold. Germs at everwhere. Don’t put that guilt on yourself. Another baby going to an intensive care unit could have been to many other allergens and germs that baby is exposed to, not because you took your baby to a group. Obviously if you know your baby is ill avoid close contact or sharing of toys etc. But seriously just get out the house!

Babies up to 3 months are especially vulnerable and a common cold can easily develop into something far more serious. Given that, exercising some extra caution and consideration by not taking a baby with a cold to a confined space with other young babies seem a pretty sensible measure. Yes, you can still leave your house to go to other places and nobody is suggesting you need to keep children at home forever when they have a cold. Just avoid taking them to a place you know will be full of babies so very young and vulnerable. We all take decisions based on risk, it isn’t that complicated or melodramatic.

It can of course be very isolating being at home with a baby and well done for listening to the advice and being careful. The early days are the hardest, hang in there!

Thanks again for all the replies. It's been a very long week. We've been out of the house but it made me feel worse as most people were out with others and I realised I had no one I could call to meet up.

I've managed to find the sickness policy for the main group we go to. There's a long list of things they request you stay away with, but a mild cold isn't one of them. I think in future I'll use my judgement. Obviously we'll stay away if it's something on the list but otherwise if DD is well in herself I think we will go.

Years ago I contracted meningitis from a mild virus my then boyfriend had so I do understand how viruses can affect people differently. No one could have known what would happen and I certainly never blamed him.