To take DD to baby group with a cold?

[voxnihili]

I'm genuinely asking for opinions as I'm not sure what to do. DD is 3 months old and is getting over a cold. Should we steer clear of baby groups this week? Aside from one unsettled night she's not at all grumbly. I think I'm now starting to come down with it.

My opinion is that's it's just a cold and we should just get on with life. I'm a teacher and would expect children in school with a cold if they're otherwise well. I'd also go to work myself. I feel that if we stay home every time she has a sniffle we'll be home all winter. It's definitely just a cold and not one of those hideous viruses - DP has had it and even his dying duck impressions have been mild compared to his usual attacks of man flu.

WWYD? If she had a fever, sickness, diarrhoea etc I'd definitely keep her home but she's fine in herself.

I spent 11 days in HDU with one of my boys when he was almost 3 months old, at the height of bronchiolitis season - I saw an endless stream of desperately ill babies who started with “just a cold”.

Totally agree.

My daughter has been hospitalised 10 times with pneumonia. It’s not fun! She now has to take preventative antibiotics permanently.

My daughter was hospitalised because a mother took her child to a baby group who was clearly unwell.

If we stayed at home every time my 3 year old or the 8 month old had a bit of a cold we'd never go out
If you cannot see the difference between taking a poorly 3 month old to hang out in close proximity to a load of other newish babies, and being allowed to leave your house with a poorly 8 month old, then what's the point.

When DS was poorly at this age we'd stay in or go for a walk, rain cover over on buses etc.

What is harder to protect from is taking your well child out and people taking their ill baby out because its "good" to expose young babies to every germ passing apparently

But there's a difference between a baby with a bit of a snotty nose and a baby who is clearly unwell with a very bad cold. Of course those who have been in hospital with poorly babies (I have too, by the way) will have seen a lot of other poorly babies there too. The nursery we use takes 3 month olds and they don't advocate keeping babies off if they are a bit snotty - if a child would be well enough to go to nursery they can go to a baby group.

Thank you for not going OP. Another one here who had a very poorly young baby thanks to someone not staying at home when they were ill.

To those who say "we wouldn't leave the house October-March if we stayed at home with a cold"....did you ever think that it's maybe why your child was repeatedly sick? Time at home resting gives babies and their immune systems time to recover so they can ward off other germs.

But a bug that causes your baby a bit of a snotty nose could be the same bug that lands another baby in hospital.

I have three friends in my immediate circle of twin mums whose toddlers need to use inhalers every time they get a bug - they each had multiple hospital admissions for bugs that barely affected them or the other twin.

No, nurseries don’t insist you keep a child home when sick, and neither do schools, which is why when a child starts nursery they are constantly sick and why I haven’t been able to send my son to nursery so far.

If kids (and adults) took a couple of days off when sick rather than spreading germs around nurseries and places of work, everyone would be sick less often, but because they don’t it’s a vicious circle.

Thank you again for the replies. We didn't go to the groups despite both being 'fine'.

The reason I mentioned giving up on groups is because they're expensive and have to be paid for up front for the term. It seems a waste of money if we have to miss it every time one of us is slightly under the weather, which from posts here sounds like it will be quite often. I wouldn't dream of going if we were feeling unwell, or were getting over a d&v bug etc but it seems excessive if we have to miss the activity for every sniffle.

It's a shame as the groups were a lifeline for us and provided a bit of structure to our week (I have borderline pnd) but I understand why people think we should stay away. We've been out this week so we're not stuck indoors but it's not the same as a bit of human interaction. It may seem like an overreaction to say we won't go at all but I can't justify the cost and it has affected me even more as I was looking forward to having some human contact and it really affected me when that didn't happen, probably more so that it would have done if we had had no plans.

Your mental health is also important OP

Is there a group you can attend that you only pay when you go?

Human interaction is vitally important for you.

There’s a difference between a bit of a sniffle and a full on cold.

If your child is in good spirits and it's just a runny/stuffy nose then I'd go. If they are just wanting rest and sleep, keep them home. Just ask yourself if it was me would I choose to go out, and what is my baby going to get from this group in this condition.

I find it so strange when people take out clearly ill babies/kids. If I'm ill I want to stay in bed and stay warm, not be dragged out to a noisy church hall. Ive been to so many groups where the child is grumpy and crying and mums just sat there saying, "oh so and sos got a cold and really grumpy" well why the fuck are you here then spreading germs and making your kid miserable.

Baby is absolutely fine as am I except for a bit of a runny nose. The first day she was not fine and we stayed in all day.

There's sadly no pay and play groups here. Well, there are but where we live access to things at the children's centre seems to be means tested of a fashion. Only people living in certain postcodes are eligible to attend.

It seems that this is a really contentious issue. As much as I feel we need to get out and do these things and wouldn't let a cold stop us unless feeling unwell, if I feel that people were rather we weren't there it won't help either so a bit of a no win situation!

OP go, you've stayed in when your little one was unwell, you have been reasonable. It's up to the other parents to decide what risks to take.

Alot of people seem to think taking toddlers out when sick is ok but babies not.

I actually think taking a toddler out is worse. They are touching everything sneezing and coughing all over, moving around and interacting. A baby just lays on the mat or in mums arms so is much less likley to pass on germs as long as mum keeps up good hand hygiene.

I totally agree with the poster that said if everyone stayed in when ill these illnesses wouldn't spread round so much. We go to work ill because we feel we have to. We don't have to go to baby groups ill.

I couldn't actually go back to work because I can't send my ds to a nursery because I know people send children in when they're ill, and a cold can land my ds in the icu.

I have and will properly continue to go to to play groups if my baby had the cold. I always gauge it on him if he's a bit gurney then we stay in if not then we go out.

We are getting over a bout of sickness in my house and have stayed in but he picked it up from a soft play area one of the kids had been sick there we thought it was because she got to warm but no was a bug. That mum was horrified and apologised however kids pick up stuff all the time.

In regards to newborns when I had my first I had the luxury of going nowhere as no toddler to entertain but I know the second it's not so easy. But if I had a newborn or a premature baby I would be more inclined to keep away from tots groups for a while. Though my thinking is u can stop everything think of chicken pox u don't even know about it for 10 days before!!

Fair play to you for not going. Although it does seem like you both would have been OK to go. From here to next spring is going to be a constant picture of small babies and toddlers with snotty noses, they cant avoid every group and shouldn't have to.

What really gets my goat are the mothers who bring obviously unwell children to groups. I'll never forget when dd2 was 9 months we went to playgroup where there was a little baby who should have been at home, rheumy watery eyes, covered in mucus, lethargic, whiney. So full on cold. DD who is very chesty spent 3 weeks with bronchitis. No sleep for anyone, couldn't keep down milk or food. It was a nightmare. I never when back to that playgroup (partly for that reason but also because it was crap).

By all means take your sick baby out for fresh air but not into the company of other small children. OP I wouldn't cancel your subs to groups if its all you have. You know your baby, you know whats a bit of a sniffle and what should be kept at home.

I was on the London Underground the day before I came down with chickenpox

I posted a similar thing a while ago. Ended up not going because at her age the group is more for you than her and because colds with tiny babies are horrendous, particularly because you can't medicate under three months (mine can't abide calpol so I don't like giving it to her even now she's older). I hate it when my LO has a cold and think you're being a tad selfish tbh.

@MemoryOfSleep - please don't call me selfish. We didn't go. I posted on here because I didn't know what to do, I read what people had written and decided not to go.

One of the groups was today. I took DD Christmas shopping instead. Found a coffee shop to feed her and fit tearful when I realised I was the only person in there alone. Consoles myself with the fact that at least I'd got some nice Christmas presents. 10 minutes after leaving the coffee shop I realised I'd left my shopping behind in my hurry to get DD out when she started to scream. Went back but it had gone. Trying to do the right thing gets you nowhere.

If people don't want their babies to get colds they can also choose to stay away

I'm sorry that happened to you OP, that's awful. I hope you and baby are feeling better.

OP... I know you have PND, so in the gentlest way possible, I think you're getting yourself in a bit of a tizz (And I understand. I had PND and PNA AND a baby who was hospitalised with what started as 'colds' half a dozen times in a year). I get it. From all angles.

Take a few days to reflect on this - taking a baby out for a walk with a streaming, green gunky cold - fine. Taking them to an enclosed space with other small babies - not fine.

A bit of clear snot and no fever? Get out and carry on as normal IMO. It could be teething. It could be a mild illness. It could be the temperature making a nose run.

You're the mother, you are clearly intelligent - but you sound a bit overwhelmed. Trust your instincts - and in cases like this try keep a bit of perspective - don't cancel baby group on a 'possibility' of more colds - your kid might not get half as many as other kids - or might get twice as many - but if your approach to socialising with a baby is to hedge your bets and assume the worst - so not bother at all - you really won't get out ever.

Good luck to you - take care of yourself as well as your baby.

This isn't to you op...
But the posters encouraging others to go to a group with a cold saying "if we didn't go to baby group with a cold we'd never go" are disgraceful, this is why I was terrified of baby groups with my premature babies.

But that is exactly what doctors, health visitors, group leaders all said when I had my first!! There were posters up everywhere saying 8-10 colds a year is normal for small children.

Obviously you wouldnt go put if it was thick snot or actually ill but sniffles they all often had.

Look, the problem is that the same illness will affect different people in different ways. Measles caused blindness in some people but not all. Because we're not all the same.
You absolutely made the right decision in not going. Imagine how you would have felt if the baby sitting next to you had had a severe illness as a result of infection from yours.
People who judge this from an insular position have no sense of social responsibility. You don't go not because you worry only about yourself and your baby but because you're also aware of the risk and consequence to others and their babies.