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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to the Christmas party?

79 replies

tweettwooo · 05/11/2018 13:31

Christmas party this year is 8pm on a Friday. The problem is, I finish work at 5:30pm and live an hour's commute away from the office (party is at a venue near the office), so it's going to be a really annoying hassle for me as I'll have to bring all my party stuff to work, change after work, hang around for 2 and half hours, and carry my work clothes round at the party after a long day.

I've asked if I can work at home that day and come after work, boss said no. I'm thinking the whole thing will be more hassle than it's worth, and maybe I just shouldn't go? But others say the Christmas party is one thing you have to do to have good relations with colleagues.

AIBU to not go?

OP posts:

runwithme · 05/11/2018 13:32

Any chance of starting work later? What's everyone else doing?

Original poster

tweettwooo · 05/11/2018 13:33

Most of them live near the office, so they'll just go home after work and get ready. Others are more senior, and are allowed to work at home whenever they like.

OP posts:

bestofme21 · 05/11/2018 13:33

Could you get a cheap hotel nearby?

Original poster

tweettwooo · 05/11/2018 13:34

No such thing as a cheap hotel in this particular area

OP posts:

bringincrazyback · 05/11/2018 13:35

Depends on your company culture, I think, together with your position and what your goals are within the company. There seems to be an unwritten rule at many places that if you don't show your face at these things you're not a team player, which used to annoy the crap out of me in one particular job, and is one of the many reasons I went self-employed. It shouldn't be about jumping through hoops, but it often is.

user1487194234 · 05/11/2018 13:38

Obviously its up to you .But have to be honest here,,we put on quite an expensive Christmas meal for staff ,and I would be annoyed if you didn't come.
Presumably there will be others in the same situation,by the time you get changed ,make up on etc and have a couple of pre drinks it will be time for the party

Alfie190 · 05/11/2018 13:38

I wouldn't go.

bestofme21 · 05/11/2018 13:39

Ooohhh it's posh, you just have to go!!

Seriously, it's not compulsory so if you don't want to go then don't.

I would say about 60-70% of colleagues attend our Christmas party.

Depending on your industry it can be seen as a networking event too but you're best placed to know if you are committing a huge faux pas by not attending.

There are usually cloakrooms at these events so you could leave your bag with your coat.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 05/11/2018 13:40

I'll have to bring all my party stuff to work, change after work, hang around for 2 and half hours

That's half the fun! I bet a few of your colleagues will be doing just that. Just go to the pub and leave your work clothes in the office until Monday (I imagine you have more than one set of work clothes?).

Shirleyphallus · 05/11/2018 13:41

But have to be honest here,,we put on quite an expensive Christmas meal for staff ,and I would be annoyed if you didn't come.

You are kidding?

Why should any employee give up their free time to attend a work event, let alone their boss be annoyed at them turning it down?

jellyandsoup · 05/11/2018 13:43

Is there anyone you are friends with that you could go back to theirs? Or just get changed at the office then go to a coffee shop/bar for a bit. Surely you could leave you work clothes at the office then pick them up on Monday?

BarbedBloom · 05/11/2018 13:45

I don’t go to mine. Are there any colleagues you get on with and could either hang around with or get changed at theirs? It all depends if you actually want to go

gamerchick · 05/11/2018 13:48

Can you not to to a kind colleagues house afterwards to get ready? You could also always leave your work clothes at work and collect them the next working day.

Personally if it's going to be a hassle I wouldn't mind backing out. You can hear about who fell down the stairs pissed when they're all sober.

Limensoda · 05/11/2018 13:49

I wouldn't go unless I could go home early or have a half day to get home and get ready. I hate the way Companies 'expect' employees to attend however inconvenient and regardless of whether you like these events or not.
It's your time so I would do whatever you choose to do.

Polkasq · 05/11/2018 14:03

If it's a special occasion, I think it's best to put on a smile and do it. Then make sure you book in something relaxing for yourself soon to make up for it.

QueenOfMyWorld · 05/11/2018 14:11

I'd definitely leave my work clothes at the office

dingdongdigeridoo · 05/11/2018 14:14

I agree that you should see if a kind colleague will let you change at their house. When I used to commute, I’d usually end up going to someone’s house and having a couple of glasses of wine while getting ready. It was fun!

BarbaraofSevillle · 05/11/2018 14:15

Get changed at work when you finish and go shopping, go for a coffee, see the Christmas lights, visit a museum or library if there are any open, use the time to get your hair/nails done, see if anyone wants to meet for a drink before the main event and the time will fly by.

RibbonAurora · 05/11/2018 14:15

There must be other coworkers in the same boat, OP. Arrange with them to get changed after work and go to a pub near the venue for a couple of hours before the party. Leave your work clothes at the office and pick them up on Monday.

Or don't go. If it's not compulsory even if expected, those who'd judge you for it will soon forget. I can't remember who was and wasn't at ours last year, this year I'm not going since DH and I have a family thing prearranged for the same night.

ShotsFired · 05/11/2018 14:16

If it was that much hassle, I'd invent a family engagement and politely decline the whole thing.

Or go somewhere for the interim 2.5hrs (I went to the gym in similar circs, but you could get the weekly food shop in, go to a coffee shop and read a book/people watch, find a quiet place to have a nap, watch a movie! etc)

Or start 2.5hours later that day (or take a long lunch). What are they going to do?

puzzledlady · 05/11/2018 14:17

I don’t know - I would. My company hired Madame Tussaud’s one year which was awesome ☺️ They really go all out with the Christmas do.

PhilomenaButterfly · 05/11/2018 14:18

Do magazines still do those features on "office-to-party" outfits?

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 05/11/2018 14:19

Depends on whether you think it'll hinder your relationship with your colleagues and/or progress in the company (and if so, whether you care about that!)

I used to have an abusive ex who stopped me from going to Christmas parties etc and it definitely had an impact right from the first one I missed.

Satsumaeater · 05/11/2018 14:21

I'm in a similar boat with my Christmas party. I really don't want to go and would rather go on a run with my running club to see the Christmas lights around my local area!

If your boss won't be flexible with you, I don't see why you should give up an evening. I'd just say you're not going because it's too inconvenient. It really doesn't have an impact on your relationships with colleagues (and at least you can't get drunk and say something stupid if you are not there - not that I am suggesting that you would, but Christmas parties can be a minefield).

Trappedin · 05/11/2018 14:24

Just leave your clothes at work

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