to not go to the Christmas party?

[tweettwooo]

Christmas party this year is 8pm on a Friday. The problem is, I finish work at 5:30pm and live an hour's commute away from the office (party is at a venue near the office), so it's going to be a really annoying hassle for me as I'll have to bring all my party stuff to work, change after work, hang around for 2 and half hours, and carry my work clothes round at the party after a long day.

I've asked if I can work at home that day and come after work, boss said no. I'm thinking the whole thing will be more hassle than it's worth, and maybe I just shouldn't go? But others say the Christmas party is one thing you have to do to have good relations with colleagues.

AIBU to not go?

It's one of my peeves the Xmas doo on Friday night. I've managed to book 1/2 day annual leave so can finish at lunch go hairdressers go home get rest and meet everyone there . Can't you do that or leave work a couple of hours early , make the time up prior ?
I think companies should be a bit flexible so you can go . You won't want to miss out but I know what you mean it's hassle and rushing .

• ready not rest

I don't go to ours as we pay for it ourselves. I'm not paying to hang out with my manager that nobody likes.
Different if it's paid for though. Surely you can start later?

Given your boss's lack of flexibility I wouldn't feel under any obligation to go. I would hate the thought of spending two hours aimlessly hanging around the shops in my party clothes killing time - in fact it would kill the party mood for me.

Likewise, I wouldn't particularly want to spend two hours in the pub before going on to drink more booze at the party - I'm too old for that nowadays.

I loathe work Christmas parties but always go for a bit. Being seen there, even just for an hour, is important in terms of maintaining good relationships with colleagues. Find some colleagues to hang out with in between work and the party and then sneak out after an hour or so.

This has been completely normal everywhere I've worked... everyone in the loos putting make up on.

Though I am not that bothered about Christmas parties any more...

Can you start work later? So you finish at 7, giving you time to get ready. Leave your work clothes in the office.

It is a very late start time. Isn't anyone meeting for drinks first? Could you go for just an hour or two?

Is it a drinks party or a sit down meal? If it's drinks only then I'd find a few colleagues to go for a meal with beforehand. It'll make the time pass more quickly and you can line your stomach too.

If you're not going to go, then don't tell them. Unless you are a "life of the party" type or a VIP manager or something, or it's a super tiny affair, they probably won't even notice your absence.

Have some casual "change the subject" topics ready to go, in case the following week anybody brings up the party. IE, asks you what you thought of the party.

If I'm stuck with someone being a bore/intrusive/negative, I just smile, make some small excuse like going to the bathroom, need a quick word with someone else, need a drink etc -- and then walk away. Life is too short for me to tolerate jerkwads. They are not entitled to my time.

You're making this out to be much harder work than it is:

Get changed after work - leave your work clothes by your desk, to be taken home on Monday evening
Go to the pub once your party dress is on.
Go to venue - eat, drink be merry
Go to a colleagues/friends/airbnb nearby for the night
Get yourself home in the morning.

or just be like me and don't go.

Don't go. It's forced entertainment.

I don't work Fridays now and our do is on Friday at 2pm. I've said I;m not going and caused a kerfuffle as no-one dares not go. But, I'm not paid whilst I'm there like they are and I'm not hauling my arse out to eat shit pub food I don't like, drink overpriced fizzy pop and then go home.

Bah humbug.

I used to be faced with a similar dilemma. I commuted an hour and half each way. Going to the Xmas do was a pain. Getting ready at work and hanging around for a few hours! So I stopped going to the dos.

I always had too long a commute to make Friday night Xmas works do viable. The last 3 I've been to I've booked a hotel room at the actual venue. Yes, its been a bit pricey, but it makes it a nice break for me, plus I get a lovely cooked breakfast the next morning when I'm hungover and craving carbs.

Given your boss's lack of flexibility I wouldn't feel under any obligation to go

I agree, I think it's fair to not go if it's not practical for you.

I'd personally be thinking should I have to rush home and back again or hang around?? Not everyone lives next to their office. I've never worked anywhere with massive pressure to attend the Xmas party though.

If anything, I find them so fake with everyone suddenly being social and "mingling". Next week you're back in work with everyone being grumpy and ignoring each other again.

@ShotsFired get the weekly food shop in

really????? and drag all her tesco bags to the work party while the chips defrost everywhere?????

Went to my very first work Christmas party last year. It was awful and I’ll never go to one again

Can you not just get ready at a friend’s house if they all live near by?

I would just get ready at work and dump all my stuff there.

Use the excuse of the “last train” to not have to stay late as a taxi would be expensive if you’re an hour away.

Or say no? I was gutted to miss mine 2 years ago because I was on call at another job so couldn’t go. If you’re just going to be miserable there then I’m sure people wouldn’t mind you not coming as you wouldn’t enjoy it.

Are there people you would like to celebrate/have a night out with?

I don't go, and I'm HR! It's no problem not to attend if you don't want to. Really.

I have just taken my name off our xmas party list. £45 to eat in one of the worst venues in the area! With 2nd rate entertainment to boot. There are 129 staff in our building, only 20 are going. They even sent a group txt to the whole company saying "numbers are down come party with us!" I am tge only one who works past 6pm. I cant/not allowed.to leave early either, the party starts at 7. If you dont want to then dont!

Could you plead lack of childcare?

perfectly fine not to go. I haven't been to my work xmas party for years! It is not a job requirement.

@ShotsFired get the weekly shop in?! What in earth is she supposed to do with the bags of defrosting food?! Your post made me laugh so much!

If the OP commutes by car, she could just leave it in the car?

Even if she leaves the car and goes back the next day, it'll be fine in winter.

A company that allows senior managers to work from home when they wish, and does allow an exception for one day a year, is not one I would want to work for. I wonder if all the senior managers are men.

A Christmas party held on a Friday, which has no regard for anyone who have children but do not live with their mother, so may only have access at weekends.

Don't go is my view.