To ask what it's really like to become a parent?

[elouiseplease]

Been ttc for a year or two, struggled with infertility so much that I feel like for the past year all I've thought about is what it would be like to become pregnant, rather than the reality of a baby itself, if that makes sense. We've started more intense treatment now, and it's all starting to feel a bit more real. I guess I just want to know the good, the bad and the ugly of it all?

Sorry if this is the wrong topic, I just wanted a range of opinions and experiences

It’s very very tiring and monotonous.
After the first big excitement after birth anyway.

But interspersed with moments of pure joy and wonder unlike anything I ever experienced before.

You can lose a lot of yourself but you also find perseverance and grit you didn’t know you had.

(Am still in early days with a toddler and new baby.)

The baby stage does go quickly but it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

I remember being overwhelmed because I had this idea about baby being in a magic routine and yet my instincts were clashing with this. (Eg co sleeping vs being in a cot, feeding every two hours but mine needed more and for longer when younger).

Obviously it’s exhausting and immediately after birth, my body felt absolutely shattered and very different.

The love for my children was fierce from day one. It was like a switch went off in my head once I saw and heard them.

Second time around it was easier because I knew the hardest bits would pass

One thing I was prepared for was the emotions it brought up about my own childhood. That was difficult (my childhood wasn’t rosy) and especially as they get older, I find myself fighting the urge to re-enact the crap parenting of my mother and trying to do it better, but having nothing to draw on (hence reading mountains of books!)

I really struggled with the transition to being a parent.
Negatives - no time for yourself for years, always sharing your bed with wriggly bums, your needs are far down the line, mind numbingly boring (to me) for the first 12 months
Positives - the unconditional love both ways, I have never loved or felt as loved as I do as a Mummy, the pure joy that comes with children, I don’t believe I knew happiness before my DC, never being alone and always having company day and night
Hard going but totally worth it. Good luck with your ttc

Newborn stage - terrifying.

Baby stage - awesome and amazing.

Toddler stage - horrific. They have to be the cutest at this age to make up for it.

Pre-school stage - a blur.

Primary school stage - joyous.

Hope that helps!

I really struggled with the transition and hated the first year. Absolutely love having a toddler however and am really looking forward to the primary years too. Wouldn't change it for the world. However I spent the first year thinking I had made a massive mistake.

What @jusdepamplemousse said.

I've got a 1 month old and once the initial excitement wears off, the visitors die down + you realise that it's just you + baby - it's repetitive and bloody hard work. Nappies, feeding, winding, rocking, maybe leaving the house if you are brave enough + an unbelievable amount of laundry. Our baby also doesn't sleep well so some days it's just about surviving until DP gets home or other help arrives so I can try to get at least a couple of hours. For me the sleep deprivation is definitely the hardest part, knowing that it will be a long, long time before I ever get a full night's sleep again.

I wasn't prepared for how much my relationship with DP would change. We used to be so affectionate but now barely manage a couple of cuddles a day - the baby consumes so much time. My life has turned upside down on mat leave while he toddles off to work as usual and on a bad day I find myself resenting this/him, which is apparently common but a horrible feeling. We have never bickered so much (probably due to sleep deprivation) and I don't see how any couple survives a baby unless you have a really solid relationship.

That said, I wouldn't change my wee boy for the world and there's absolutely nothing that compares to the first time your baby properly looks at you, or smiles, or makes a ridiculous face. It's love beyond measure.

No time for yourself , marriage is more like secondjob. Gives life a purpose though, makes the 9-5 more bearable.

It's all the things, intensely and in turn. It's the most boring, interesting, terrible, wonderful, frustrating, rewarding experience. It can be lonely and it might shred your social life and identity and relationships, but renew them in other ways.
A lot depends on what kind of baby you get (some souls are just more testy/complaining than others!) and how you take to the switch to a routine determined by someone else's needs.
Good luck with the treatment.

It’s mindblowingly incredible.

Scary as hell at first. I still remember those first days after leaving the hospital and having NO idea what we were doing. Rushing out to buy Tiny Baby clothes and formula/breastpumps because DD wouldn't latch and feeding her every 3 hours throughout the night. She was born just before Christmas so the whole thing feels like a bit of a newborn/festive whirlwind when I think back.

She's nearly 1 now and tbh, it feels like she's been a part of our lives forever. Things like hearing her laugh for the first time and watching her learn to roll over/sit/crawl/stand are awesome. She's the cutest little thing.

DS is two months old tomorrow and honestly so far it's not been anywhere near as bad as everyone usually makes it out to be! Actually it's been quite fun to see him develop and make progress! And we're getting pretty normal sleep most nights (I do breastfeed once most nights but to be honest I barely wake up for this as he's in the Next2Me). We don't really have a routine as such yet, but baby falls asleep around 9pm most nights which is fine by us.

Unfortunately I lost my job during pregnancy so have to spend a lot of time preparing for technical job interviews etc. at the moment instead of just playing with him, which is a pity. But he's been really good about sleeping in the carrier or baby wrap while I work, and at least I'm getting bored. I am planning to go back to work full time when he's 5 or 6 months old.

We always planned to have an only child as we were both happy only children, but based on how it's been so far we're actually considering a second one in 3-4 years if all keeps going well (don't want them too close as I couldn't bear the noise!).

It should be I am NOT getting bored, obviously!

Life becomes about your kids and less about you.

So lovely to read these comments, even the not so good bits. The strange thing about infertility is reading someone say they miss having a full nights sleep and I'm thinking god id give up sleep in a heartbeat for a little one. I'm hoping if/when we do finally succeed, when I do struggle I can just remember how hard we fought for this and it'll all be worth it ❤️ (I'm sure I'll complain about the lack of sleep once it's real though) happy to hear you all have lovely babies and I hope to join the club one day

It took me two years to get pregnant and then I had a massive wobble. Obviously a personal thing but I think with so much anticipation over such a long period it was a bit overwhelming when it happened.

Just because you have wanted it so much for so long doesn’t mean it has to be perfect. As with all parents you are allowed to be miserable, unsure and admit that some of it sucks. Hope it all works out

@Mercedes519 Yes that's my fear as well. Everything for the past two years has been about trying to get pregnant. I don't even let myself reallly think of a baby as I get my hopes up or get hurt. I've just been trying to focus entirely on step one, get pregnant. I had a wobble the other day thinking if were ever going to conceive, it's going to be now we've started more intense treatments and suddenly letting myself think of a baby terrified me! It sounds so silly. Congratulations of overcoming it all. Xx

I only have a five week old but so far -

Negatives: tiredness, often quite boring and monotonous, breastfeeding is difficult, constant worry (is she too hot, too cold, is she constipated, when will she poo, is she being sick too much or is this normal, is she being stimulated enough or is she bored etc), my body is ruined.

Postives: she’s so freaking cute, the sheer satisfaction when you get a good burp or she finally does her poop (literally cheering her on while she grunts and squirms ), lots of cuddles, it’s definitely brought DP and I closer together, a year off work. I’m sure it’s going to get harder. She hasn’t had colic but we haven’t got to teething or illness yet.

DD is almost 5 months and @jusdepamplemousse put my thoughts into words brilliantly.

She's the best thing in the world but needs everything I have and some days a little bit more.

Oh and it took us three years to conceive, we were undergoing tests when we conceived naturally. It was amazing but it didn’t make the pregnancy or having the baby any easier. You can be grateful and struggle at the same time.

It's incredible.

My little boy is about to turn one, and I can honestly say that it's been the best year of my life.

The newborn stage is equal parts terrifying and amazing.

The overwhelming sense of responsibility once I brought the baby home. The waking up multiple times in the night to check he was breathing (when he was fast asleep), the struggle to breastfeed that made me feel like a failure-those were the worst bits.

The sleepy newborn snuggles and soft little snuffly noises that he made, the love I felt, the first smile, him reaching new milestones like sitting up, standing, trying to walk, learning to eat, saying "mama" and "dada", the feeling of being "in it together" with my husband -those have been the best bits.

It's wonderful, scary, joyous, frightening, tiring, exhilarating, monotonous, exciting, happy, sad.... from one extreme to the other and then day to day life in between. It's worth every single bit of the negative side, and they certainly don't share a 50/50 timespan - the joy outweighs the difficulty a thousand fold. I have never, ever regretted having my DS (who was a 'surprise') and have been a single mum for 8 years now (he's 14). Good luck OP, I hope it happens for you.

I found it overwhelming at first. I remember being in a weird state of shock upon arrival back home complete with new baby.
They become the centre of tour world. Every decision you make is based on how it will impact them and you wouldn't have it any other way.
It's Dan hard in ways you never imagined but its also rewarding as hell and your heart bursts with pride at times as they go through life.
The first 11 years are so easy compares to The following 8 or 9.
Teens bring tougher challenges in at a you never considered. I'm not talkingbreblliois teens but seeing them navigate their way through all that teen angst and not being able to make it all ok like you try to do through primary school.
As they approach adulthood it's the letting go and letting them make the mistakes thanks hurt and shape them that's fan fan tough.
Parenthood is a mix of love and pride like no other but emotionally challenging too. Its a series of phases. Some good and some tough.

Baby stage - exciting, exhausting, scary.

Toddlers - joyous, exhausting, boring, lonely.

Primary school - wonderful, joyous, tiring, worrying, lots of admin.

Teenagers - worrying, amazing, boring, arguments, lots of admin, lots of driving......so much laughs!

I've lost myself many times along the way and I sure I have more to come. It's the most life changing thing I've ever done and I would do it all over again,

Good luck with your treatment 

When you've just caught their diarrhoea in your bare hands, or they've just puked down your best bra, or you feel like you've been hit by a bus and haven't slept for a lifetime it's pretty awful.

But when they're playing in the garden and come running to you with the weeds flowers they have picked for you because 'them are your favourite colour mummy and them are very beautiful just like you', or when their lovely soft sleepy little head rests on you, or they learn something new, or ask a question you would never think to ask, they are absolutely the best thing ever.