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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To check ds's school books daily and reward/sanction as necessary?

70 replies

theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:26

Well, that looks ridiculously harsh in the title so I'm genuinely seeking opinions.

He is a bright boy who is in Y7. Throughout primary school his handwriting was an issue, though predictably it didn't, despite threats to the contrary, stop his teacher awarding him secure plus for writing. He never got a 'pen licence' and always said (and I privately agreed) that writing with a pencil made his writing worse.

He's made a great start at secondary school: has done well in the tests he did before the holiday, got lots of achievement points and is happy. However, he asked me to ask him questions from his book today to help him revise for a test next week, and I was appalled by the state of his book. He wrote beautifully on the first few pages, but it's got steadily scruffier. Some pages I could barely read. From what I can tell he is working hard and content is good, but it just looks so sloppy - he's not writing on lines, it's big, lower case Is and Ts aren't dotted or crossed, lower case Ds look like Ls etc. The contrast with how he wrote at the start is stark, and that's what's made me cross as he clearly can write neatly, or more neatly than he is.

I flipped out a little and have said I will check whatever books he brings home every day. If I'm happy, he can earn stars towards an item he wants, if not then he won't. He moaned ('no one else's parents does this...') but not that much, but I am doubting myself now. Is it too draconian? I held off getting involved in improving his handwriting at primary school as I didn't want to put him off and attempts I did make just ended in conflict. I admit that privately I thought they were a little ott with it and prioritised style over substance a bit. I suppose I could now be over-compensating somewhat...

I just think he's bright, knows it, and maybe gets a bit sloppy with the finer details and I feel this could come back to bite him so want to nip it in the bid now. As a teacher, I know handwriting won't hold him back as long as it's legible, but I don't like the look of his books atm. AIBU?

OP posts:
IdahoCrow · 04/11/2018 22:29

Why are you so keen to punish? This seems to be a bloody theme here lately.

Have you checked for dysgraphia traits?

Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:32

Well, I'm planning to reward good writing rather than sanctioning poor writing.

I don't think dysgraphia is the issue as he has shown he can write well. I just think he can't be bothered and thinks 'I'm so clever it doesn't matter..'

OP posts:
corythatwas · 04/11/2018 22:34

At his age, I don't know what you're trying to achieve or why you are focusing on this particular facet. Aren't there more important questions to focus on?

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/11/2018 22:34

YABU and I'd leave it to his teachers to tackle.

Feefeetrixabelle · 04/11/2018 22:37

I think it can sometimes be due to the speed he has to jot things down in class.

Maybe instead of punishing him for his writing give him additional handwriting tasks (nothing to major). Or get him to try calligraphy or similar.

SallyCinnamon3009 · 04/11/2018 22:37

I've got 10 GCSES,3 A Levels, a degree, further professional qualification and have a successful job for a large financial company. I also struggle to read my own handwriting at times let alone other people reading it. Definitely too harsh!

Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:37

There aren't more important questions to do with his school work, as everything else is going well. As for his age, it's now or never at this point.

As a secondary school teacher myself, I know his teachers won't be tackling it as the content is good. I'm his mother and I want to do my bit.

OP posts:
steppemum · 04/11/2018 22:38

My ds has dreadful handwriting. He had a teacher in year 6 who put her foot down, and made him take more effort and improve. He did, dramatically.
that one year of effort has continued through secondary, in that his books are legible and he can work from them.

I think I would take a slightly different approach. Ask him to read bakc what he has written. Talk to him about how in the summer he will need to be able to read these in order to revise from them for end of year exams.

His goal is that he can USE his books.

Then yes, I probably would keep checking, but really star charts and punishments etc are a bit silly in year 7

ToPlanZ · 04/11/2018 22:39

I've had my shocking handwriting complained about since primary school. Didn't stop me getting a scholarship to a private school. Hasn't stopped me being degree qualified and earning a decent salary. Kind of think along the same lines as your son, if you're clever enough it doesn't really matter.

MrsStrowman · 04/11/2018 22:40

Why is the neatness so important, if he can read it, his teachers aren't complaining and the content is good what exactly is the issue? IME brighter people often have scruffier general handwriting, the hand can't keep up with the brain, it's not like he can't do it if needs be eg in cards etc.

corythatwas · 04/11/2018 22:43

I think part of doing your bit might be to start thinking of him less as a small child motivated by stars and punishments and more as somebody growing up who needs to take more control over his own education. That's not to say you don't keep an eye on what is going on, just that the whole conversation becomes a different one.

Redcliff · 04/11/2018 22:44

My son has terrible handwriting and it never occurred to me to tell him off for it. For me its a non-issue.

IdahoCrow · 04/11/2018 22:45

What were you taught about checking for dysgraphia traits during your teacher training, OP?

Chouetted · 04/11/2018 22:46

Scruffy fast writing is infinitely better than slow neat writing. I'd check that this isn't the case with him before you punish!

I worked hard on having legible handwriting, but it slowed me down. When I hit higher education, I got told off by lab supervisors for having handwriting that was too neat. Scruffy scrawls were encouraged as that meant you weren't wasting time on writing that could be better spent on lab work.

Does he want to take up a career in professional handwriting? If not, I'd ease up on it! So long as he can read it, and an examiner can read it, he's far better off than many kids.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:47

Yes, I do see what you mean Cory, it's just that I never actually did the rewards and punishment thing when he was little and seeing his book today made me feel like I should have taken action earlier. I suppose the fact that he is not used to working with star charts etc makes this less and not more likely to have the effect I want...

OP posts:
doodledott · 04/11/2018 22:47

I'm a head of English and senior examiner for AQA. If I can read it, I don't care about the state of the handwriting.

NonaGrey · 04/11/2018 22:50

He’s in secondary school. I’m surprised he doesn’t find a star chart at best infantilising at worst demeaning tbh.

He’ll be taking notes at speed in class and his handwriting will be suffering as a result.

If you think that the poor presentation of his notebooks will impact his ability to study from them then it would be more productive suggest he makes a fair copy of his notes for study purposes soon after the lesson.

Good handwriting is a nice to have. None of my employers in the last twenty years have ever seen my handwriting. Nor did my university tutors.

As long as he can read his own handwriting and type he’s fine.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:50

What were you taught about checking for dysgraphia traits during your teacher training, OP?

Nothing at all - I trained 15 years ago. However, having Googled it earlier he has none of the traits except poor handwriting, and even the specifics of that don't match the symptoms I've just seen.

OP posts:
Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:55

I'm a head of English and an AQA examiner too. I also don't care about handwriting in the way primary teachers seem to, or have to, but having to puzzle over a word or sentence is irritating. I know lots of other markers and some of them have confessed to automatically escalating papers that were difficult to read. I'm not convinced that these papers are then dealt with in a fair way, bit maybe that will have changed by the time ds gets to that stage.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 04/11/2018 22:56

If you're so sure his teachers won't be tackling it and it won't be an issue, why are you making it an issue yourself? You say his writing is scruffy but legible but you also say there are some pages you can barely read. So, is his writing actually legible or not?
If it's just that his writing's not neat then back off and let his teacher deal with it IF it's causing problems. You might be a teacher yourself but there's no need impose sanctions if there's not actually an issue. He's not going to earn marks for beautiful writing so if the content is good and can be understood, there's not really a problem.

InfiniteCurve · 04/11/2018 22:59

If he can read his writing and his teachers can read his writing then the fact that you don't like the look of his books is irrelevant really.
(2 children with writing issues here and if it's legible it's all good)

doodledott · 04/11/2018 23:01

I really, really feel that as a teacher, you most definitely have a hard enough life as it is so do yourself a favour and let it go. He'll be fine purely because you care so much.

Give yourself a break! Can't be fun checking his books every night.

E20mom · 04/11/2018 23:05

I pick my battles. And this really isn't one I'd pick.

blackcat86 · 04/11/2018 23:05

OP I see what you're trying to do but a star chart is not appropriate for a secondary school child. He is probably being expected to write his own notes now and is doing so quite fast so his handwriting has got a bit scruffy. Could you not encourage creative writing at the weekend? How is he doing at school generally? Have you spoken to his teachers? You seem quite fixated on this but say that the content is good. That hopefully means that he's listening and taking in what he should. I think it's great to take an interest in his school work especially if you're a teacher but checking it every night is too much and you risk him becoming resentful and secretive. Maybe that time could be used to help him take up a new hobby?

AlexanderHamilton · 04/11/2018 23:06

Dd can wtiteneatly. But she finds it incredibly difficult due to hypermobility.

Maybe at the start of his book he had to write less or was given more time. Can you ask his school senco to administer a DASh test o see if there are any issues.