Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To check ds's school books daily and reward/sanction as necessary?

70 replies

theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 22:26

Well, that looks ridiculously harsh in the title so I'm genuinely seeking opinions.

He is a bright boy who is in Y7. Throughout primary school his handwriting was an issue, though predictably it didn't, despite threats to the contrary, stop his teacher awarding him secure plus for writing. He never got a 'pen licence' and always said (and I privately agreed) that writing with a pencil made his writing worse.

He's made a great start at secondary school: has done well in the tests he did before the holiday, got lots of achievement points and is happy. However, he asked me to ask him questions from his book today to help him revise for a test next week, and I was appalled by the state of his book. He wrote beautifully on the first few pages, but it's got steadily scruffier. Some pages I could barely read. From what I can tell he is working hard and content is good, but it just looks so sloppy - he's not writing on lines, it's big, lower case Is and Ts aren't dotted or crossed, lower case Ds look like Ls etc. The contrast with how he wrote at the start is stark, and that's what's made me cross as he clearly can write neatly, or more neatly than he is.

I flipped out a little and have said I will check whatever books he brings home every day. If I'm happy, he can earn stars towards an item he wants, if not then he won't. He moaned ('no one else's parents does this...') but not that much, but I am doubting myself now. Is it too draconian? I held off getting involved in improving his handwriting at primary school as I didn't want to put him off and attempts I did make just ended in conflict. I admit that privately I thought they were a little ott with it and prioritised style over substance a bit. I suppose I could now be over-compensating somewhat...

I just think he's bright, knows it, and maybe gets a bit sloppy with the finer details and I feel this could come back to bite him so want to nip it in the bid now. As a teacher, I know handwriting won't hold him back as long as it's legible, but I don't like the look of his books atm. AIBU?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 04/11/2018 23:07

You're likely to turn him into an anxious wreck.

Sparklesocks · 04/11/2018 23:14

I would say as long as it’s readable it’s not really a concern. At it might be exacerbated by writing things down quickly as the lesson pace can increase quite suddenly at secondary.

In the big scheme of things education wise I don’t think it’s that important. By the time he leaves school he will most likely work with type text rather then handwriting.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 04/11/2018 23:15

Could it be that he’s struggling with keeping it neat due to the amount he needs to get down in a given time? They probably wouldn’t have started off full throttle at the beginning of the year so that may explain why the first few pages were nearer.
The last thing you want is for him to be so focussed on handwriting that he’s missing half his notes or not getting through all the questions he needs to.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 04/11/2018 23:15

I agree with AlexanderHamilton see if you can get his handwriting assessed. Being able to write clearly when writing slowly is quite different to writing at speed.

VenusInSpurs · 04/11/2018 23:15

Good grief!

You are his parent; suppprt and encourage. Remind and communicate.

Sorry, the regime you are proposing sounds like a response to truancy, or lying, with your ck start checking and sanctions )withholding of stars). Not a boy who is doing extremely well.

What tne hell has pushed your buttons in this?

BumsexAtTheBingo · 04/11/2018 23:16

*neater

Original poster
theduchessstill · 04/11/2018 23:17

Oh well, perhaps not a good idea then. I just hate the feeling that I may be letting him down by allowing things to slide, but this may not be the way forward I suppose.

OP posts:
VenusInSpurs · 04/11/2018 23:17

“You're likely to turn him into an anxious wreck.”

This.

OP, something about your reaction to this has upset me.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/11/2018 23:22

OP I don't blame you for wanting to tackle this. Surely as parents we support our kids to do their best, not just shrug and say its all the schools responsibility??
Not sure the star chart is the best way, I don't have a kid that age so no advice per se but I do think if it's illegible then you're doing him a favour in later life by getting him to improve it now

junebirthdaygirl · 04/11/2018 23:25

My ds has horrendous writing. Never seemed to get it together. Caused some issues in school but he got through. Just graduated with a first from a good university. It was mostly laptop and emailing in assignments. He was disappointed with one written exam result and asked for feedback wondering was it his handwriting. Lecturer just said " l' ve seen worse!" He is now going on to further study. It hasn't held him back in any way.
Even job applications are online in his situation .
But then his dad has horrendous handwriting, graduated in a medical field and it never seemed to cause problems. So leave it off.

Ollivander84 · 04/11/2018 23:27

My writing is/was awful because my brain works faster than my writing, trying to get everything on the page (I read really fast)
It's never hindered me in any way and I managed a lot of qualifications

twattymctwatterson · 04/11/2018 23:29

Some people have poor handwriting. I'm one of them. It's never impeded me in any way

Euphemism · 04/11/2018 23:43

I'm going to sort of disagree with a lot of the replies above... Handwriting in secondary school is important if its not legible.
I had a pupil once who I'd never taught until N5 level (GSCE) and his writing was atrocious. I would spend ages trying to understand his answers in homework or tests. He failed all of his prelim exams. He wasn't stupid, just had terrible hand writing.

It had never been investigated before and even though I took his prelim paper to parents night and asked his parents if they could read it (they couldn't) they were unwilling to pursue it with SFL or look into getting digital exam papers so he could type answers rather than write them. SFL were unwilling to look into it as 'no one had complained before' (though he'd never had to do external exams before) and neither him or his parents wanted it investigated.
He failed all his exams except Maths and Graphic Communication (mostly technical drawings). Those were the only two qualifications he left school with in the end.

The truth of the matter is that while his class teachers might be willing to spend twice as long on his homework or tests to try to read and understand it, the people marking the exams will have no such investment in him as a pupil and get paid a pittance to mark the papers and a fairly short time in which to mark hundreds. They simply won't waste the time and either mark it as wrong or escalate it to a manager who also wont have the time and doesn't have the investment in the pupil to spend hours trying to make out the words.

Messy but readable writing is not a problem (this was me at school) but if people can't read it then it is a problem.

Star charts likely aren't the way to go though at his age - perhaps a chat about the possible repercussions if examiners can't read it would work much better.

Topseyt · 05/11/2018 01:38

I remember my Dad (who was a primary school headmaster) hanging over my sister and banging on about handwriting. He did it to me too occasionally, but somewhat less. I think he wanted to see us writing in a style he approved of. It simply didn't work.

Don't do it.

llangennith · 05/11/2018 01:40

I feel so sad for your son. .

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 05/11/2018 01:44

I used to be very bothered about my dds handwriting before I soon realised that is not what is important. What's important is they understand the work and are working well. Also that they're not coming hone to Mum checking and punishing if the handwriting is not up to her standards.

moredoll · 05/11/2018 02:53

I don't think checking it every day is a great idea. Maybe once a week? If it's so illegible that it'll be an issue for examiners then I think yes, fair enough. Copy writing books with tracing paper might help.

VenusInSpurs · 05/11/2018 04:44

It is reasonable to address it and support and encourage better writing and presentation, but not in this punitive way.

Kokeshi123 · 05/11/2018 05:09

I would approach his teachers and ask what their thoughts are. Focus on what he will be using handwriting for --for exams and also for note taking mostly (people are writing less by hand these days, but many exams will continue to be written by hand for the foreseeable future, and there is strong evidence that taking notes by hand results in better comprehension and retention than using a laptop).

What do his teachers think? Do they foresee issues with getting marked down in exams (even if it's not officially part of the mark scheme, it may affect the examiner's general feeling about his paper if his writing is poor)? Can he write well at speed if he HAS to? Have you tried him out with this? Can he take notes that are usable and legible in a fast-paced lesson or lecture?

Kariloo82 · 05/11/2018 05:36

Genuinely think about what his future is going to look like. How much writing is he going to do by hand? Hardly any at all, everything is done on a computer. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless it becomes an issue at school where the teachers can't grade his work etc.

Katiecausesmischief · 05/11/2018 06:05

I think you are being completely reasonable - if his writing is illegible then he needs to sort it out. And much better now than right before his GCSEs. It doesn’t need to be beautiful but it does need to be easily read.

I say that as a secondary teacher for decades and a GCSE examiner.

Ihuntmonsters · 05/11/2018 06:13

We didn't worry too much about ds's terrible handwriting because overcoming his reading issues seemed so much more important and we managed to persuade his teachers to let him use a laptop at primary school. At secondary he persuaded his teachers to let him do all his work on a computer so it wasn't an issue then either. When he hit university things changed, as it wasn't about persuading individual teachers anymore. So we have just paid a very large amount for another educational psychologist report and he has a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia. Without the diagnosis he would have had to return to writing by hand and so he was incredibly anxious waiting for the results. Handwriting doesn't matter except when it really does matter. For the OP's ds that will be exam time (we aren't in the UK so didn't have GCSEs and A levels to worry about). If he just has poor handwriting with no underlying issues then practicing writing legibly will really be beneficial. Even if he has issues practicing has no downsides (ds has been given ideas to improve his fine motor control even at 19).

Giantbanger · 05/11/2018 06:17

My handwriting is atrocious. Always has been. At school and uni I had to get the notes written down quickly and that made it worse.

I’m left handed. (Not that that is an excuse, it’s an explanation)

As long as it is legible, what does it matter?

Conseulabananahammock · 05/11/2018 06:17

I hate that neatness of writing is such an issue. My son is 6 and very intelligent. Above his peers for most. But on his latest report the focus was not on how well he was doing it was on the neatness of his writing. " hes a very articulate and bright student always willing to learn etc however this is let down by his handwriting.
If hes getting the work done does it really matter. Ive seen the state of gps and Drs handwriting doesnt stop them.
I would likely do something similar to you op and try and help them along and reward when its done well

Nanny0gg · 05/11/2018 06:26

If I was an examiner I'd be very grateful.

Wonder how many marks are lost because they've struggled to read the exam papers.