I feel like a backstory is definitely needed in order to tell whether I have BU or not.
FIL and I have never really got on, me and DH met at 15 and I’ve always sensed that he thinks I’ve ruined his sons life. I’ve always got a vibe that he wishes I wasn’t with him when we’re together, when I first met FIL he’d always do little sly things such as not buying my a drink but buying everyone else one or making jokes about me breaking up with DH. He never made me feel welcome, never made conversation with me or anything. Me and DH married young and FIL always disapproved, said we were wasting our life etc. When I gave birth to our eldest DC, FIL told DH that he was very happy he had a grandchild he just wished it wasn’t by me. DH told him that it didn’t matter, he loved me and he wouldn’t have him talk about me like that.
Over our relationship (11 years in February) FIL has made me feel like an outcast, I always feel on edge around him and would much rather be home. I’m quite an emotional person and am always close to tears around him, I just feel very uncomfortable.
We now barely see FIL, we live miles away and only see him on holidays or at family events. He’s very weird around my children, I don’t see any love towards them. He jokes about them being girly, when really they’re just normal little boys. He criticises how me and DH raise them (but only blames me) and says we’re not being harsh enough. I’m very firm with our boys when I need to be, but I don’t believe in shouting or hitting, so if they ever play up around FIL I’ll usually just take them away from the situation and explain what they’ve done wrong. Our DC aren’t badly behaved at all, they’re very polite but of course they’re children and will push boundaries. Anytime they do this in front of FIL he will shout at them and say things like ‘obey your father’. Every time we’re with him it usually ends with us leaving early to get DC away from him.
I’m pregnant again and due Christmas Eve but am having an elected C-Section so will most likely have DC around the 17th. We have 3 other children aged 6 and 4 year old twins. I really want a relaxed family Christmas, just me, DH and the kids. I will still be recovering from a C-section!. FIL called up a week ago and asked us to come down from the 23rd until Boxing Day. DH said no, we will have newborn and we won’t be travelling nearly 3 hours (that’s without stops) to visit you. He also mentioned my c-section. FIL then said ‘it’s her 3rd one, she’ll know how to recover!.’ He then made a joke about me not being woman enough to give birth naturally. It really upsets me but I do suffer with anxiety, depression and PTSD, on top of that I have a tilted cervix so giving birth naturally is possible but would be quite complicated and I don’t want to risk it. DH told him that it wasn’t an option and hung up.
Tonight FIL called and asked if he could drive up to us for Christmas as driving seemed to be the main issue, he said he’d stay in a hotel if we payed as he has no problem sleeping on our sofa but knows I wouldn’t want it. I told him no, I really don’t feel up to entertaining this year, it’ll be stressful enough introducing a new baby to our family and recovering from birth so I want a quiet Christmas with family. He then told me that it was a classic case of being being a jealous bitch and not wanting DH to see his family.
I lost it unfortunately and told him that I’ve loved his son for 11 years and want him to be happy, I have no problem with DH seeing his family and we see them as often as possible. I told him I was fed up of being pushed out and hated by him purely because he doesn’t think I’ve allowed his son a life, and if his idea of a life is drugs, drink and sleeping around then he should be glad DH didn’t do that. He ended the call after calling me a pathetic c**t.
Now I feel really bad for losing it. I know it’s going to cause trouble for DH and I didn’t want that for him. I can’t stop thinking maybe I am just jealous and want DH to myself but logically I know that isn’t true. MIL (who is separated from FIL) has called after SIL told her about it and has been nothing but lovely and said she knows I’m not jealous etc. But I know it’s going to be spread around the family and DH already feels like a black sheep anyway. So my question is WIBU and how do I fix this?.