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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about sex after childbirth?

52 replies

LipstickTraces · 04/11/2018 18:16

I had twins by c section eleven weeks ago.
C section itself was awful and far more traumatic than I expected. Babies also spent several weeks in NICU.

I’ve had sex once since the birth and it was uncomfortable and borderline painful. My sex drive seems to have vanished and I feel so rubbish about my body. I hate the area around my scar which is still numb and painful. My previously neat boobs have also been replaced by comedy sized breastfeeding bazookas!

How soon after childbirth did others dtd? Especially those who had c sections. Atm I feel like my sex life is over and DH is getting very sexually frustratedSad

OP posts:
RubyWho · 04/11/2018 18:38

It took my at least 6mo with DC1 and around 9 mo with DC2.
ExH (note the use of ex) was frustrated and not understanding. One of the reasons he’s an ex.
What you’re experiencing is normal, it’s been no time at all. Is your DH frustrated but understanding?

Chocolateheaven123 · 04/11/2018 18:40

No your sex life isn't over :) please be kind to yourself. Your body has been through a LOT in the last year. It going to take a while to feel even remotely normal again.

I was incredibly nervous the first time after my little boy was born (2nd degree tear). It was uncomfortable as i couldn't completely relax. My partner was great and we worked on it overtime. Now we can enjoy bsex again (except I'm pregnant again and exhausted!).

Your DP is going to need to be very patient with you and self relieve if need be.

Congratulations on your twins btw :) Flowers

Faster · 04/11/2018 18:40

You had major surgery and TWO babies 11 weeks ago! Give yourself time to physically and mentally heal!
I had a nice calm section, fairly easily recovery, one baby. Took 5 months and even then I wasn’t massively into it.

DH can go wank in the shower and be happy with a cuddle.

Furrydogmum · 04/11/2018 18:47

Botched stitching (and granulation which needed cauterising)of a bad tear made sex painful and I avoided it for the first year (poor dh was very understanding for a 24yr old!!) It was uncomfortable until I had my second child 4 years later when the fabulous midwife cut away all the old scar tissue and made me whole again 😊
Never had an issue since.

Original poster
LipstickTraces · 04/11/2018 18:50

RubyWho He’s mostly understanding, but I know it’s getting to him. I just feel so rubbish about myself atm. I had a decent figure before I got pregnant and now it’s all gone to shit a bit.

Congratulations on the pregnancy chocolateheaven with two babies to look after DH and I can’t even find the time to work on our sex Life!

Faster glad your section went well. I think I was just unlucky with mine. Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on myself expecting to be up for it again already.

OP posts:
toolazytothinkofausername · 04/11/2018 18:50

5 months after the birth.

Raera · 04/11/2018 18:54

Lipstick, you might not like your body currently but he seems to!
He sounds lovely

barneymcgroo · 04/11/2018 19:02

My DS is 8 months, ELCS. Dtd after 6 weeks, but has been painful ever since. Sex drive has pretty much disappeared. DH has been incredibly understanding. I ended up going to see the GP about it, as I though it shouldn't still be sore, but she's said there's nothing wrong. Apparently breastfeeding suppresses oestrogen production, which leads to vaginal dryness (sorry if tmi...). Sorry for lack of paragraphs, feeding DS to (hopefully) sleep zzz

Everyoneiswingingit · 04/11/2018 19:04

Had a vaginal delivery first time and stitches but had sex 5 weeks after. I t was slightly uncomfortable at first but I think it was me worried but soon relaxed when I realised it all worked and the reason I remember it is that I had the most mind blowing orgasm. Grin

Cambalamb · 04/11/2018 19:06

C sections are pretty major surgery so give it time.Flowers

Babdoc · 04/11/2018 19:07

Three weeks, but it was a normal vaginal delivery, and just a four stitch episiotomy. That was the longest DH and I had ever gone without- we were desperate by then!
I sympathise with the poor PPs who were celibate for months after operative deliveries - that must have been awful.

Rebecca36 · 04/11/2018 19:08

Takes a while, don't worry about it.

user1493413286 · 04/11/2018 19:08

We did it 7 weeks after section but it did feel uncomfortable on my scar and I think we had to stop the first couple of times.
It was about 6 months before I felt totally myself and really in the mood but slowly it got better after 12 weeks

Bellabutterfly2016 · 04/11/2018 19:09

I'm sorry but I think you husband is bang out of order.
So what? He's frustrated?

How about you??? You've had major surgery, got 2 babies and are breastfeeding. You are amazing and he is a twat!

My sister kicked her husband out when her daughter was 8 weeks old as he was in-supportive and insensitive- 10 years on she's never regretted it but remembering how cruel he was still gets her upset now.

Please be kind to yourself and don't be pressurised into anything 💐

Oly5 · 04/11/2018 19:10

A full year here and have only had it a handful of times. Still breastfeeding means my sex drive has gone to pot. Hoping it comes back over the next 12 months! Have a very understanding DH

user1493413286 · 04/11/2018 19:10

Also a consultant told me a few weeks after that breastfeeding causes “dryness” so to use lube and mentioned that no one ever tells you that

welshweasel · 04/11/2018 19:11

Had sex 6 weeks post section but it took at least a year to get back to normal ish. But have had problems with dryness ever since and have always had to use lube - we’ve got some great stuff and it’s all good now, despite being pregnant again. The key is your DH being understanding and going at your pace. There is no normal/time it should take etc, everyone is different.

GunpowderGelatine · 04/11/2018 19:14

Your body has been through the mill, your hormones will be all over the place and your a new mum to twins - it's perfectly ok for sex to be at the bottom of your priority list! Our bodies take 2 years to recover from birth and pregnancy, if it's painful you need to wait a while before doing it again

kaytee87 · 04/11/2018 19:15

Didn't have a c-section but episiotomy with rotational forceps. Had sex for the first time 12 weeks pp and was very painful.
My ds is almost 2.5yo and I still don't enjoy sex tbh. I've not been able to orgasm since birth so I assume a nerve was damaged and I still find it uncomfortable bordering on painful.
We average sex around once or twice a month now which isn't great and planning on ttc soon so will need to up the game a lot.

Original poster
LipstickTraces · 04/11/2018 20:01

welshweasel can I ask what lube you use please?

Bellabutterfly when you put it like that he does indeed sound like a right knob. Tbf he’s only mentioned it a couple of times, but I’ve told him I won’t be having sex again before I’m ready.

I wasn’t aware that BF causes dryness. They don’t mention that on the NHS website!Shock

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 04/11/2018 20:03

I didn't have a C section but it was about two months before I felt like sex and then it was carefully and gently. I imagine would have been longer after a section. However people do get back to it eventually, there are no rules so don't worry.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 04/11/2018 20:06

I had a vaginal birth but had an episiotemy and lots of stitches! Tried after 6 weeks but it was really painful. Luckily dp has been very understanding. Ended up going to the gp after around 6 months as was still painful but they couldn't see anything wrong. DD is nearly one and I've just stopped breastfeeding and the first time we tried after stopping breastfeeding it wasn't painful at all and feels normal again, I'm only just starting to get my sex drive back. I didn't realise breastfeeding could have that much of an impact- even if using lots of lube. Be kind to yourself you've had major surgery and 2 babies, it might take a while.

FreeButtonBee · 04/11/2018 20:09

Oh lovey I have been where you are - twins, c sections, BFing. It’s fucking tough.

I think we tested the waters at around the same stage as you (3 months). By that point, I was healed and it was okay (rather than spectular!). After that, probably once a month or so. We properly got our mojo back when they were sleeping. So 15 months.

I would concentrate on trying to be close and kind to each other. If your body is still delicate then that takes priority. A sore scar is no fun. I did find I needed DH to help me relax a lot more - so was quite up front with asking for eg a short massage to allow me to get into the mood.

But give it time. You have gone through a huge change - totally massive and your DH needs to be understanding and sort himself out for a while. It will come back but only if you both are open and honest and give each other a bit of slack.

redross · 04/11/2018 20:10

I dtd exactly 19 days after my section Blush think it was about 5 weeks after with my first section.
And was months when I had a vaginal birth.
You'll get there op be kind to yourself!! It's not the end of the world!

CandyCreeper · 04/11/2018 20:12

2 weeks for me, couldnt wait months myself but everyones different

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