Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To ask about sex after childbirth?

52 replies

LipstickTraces · 04/11/2018 18:16

I had twins by c section eleven weeks ago.
C section itself was awful and far more traumatic than I expected. Babies also spent several weeks in NICU.

I’ve had sex once since the birth and it was uncomfortable and borderline painful. My sex drive seems to have vanished and I feel so rubbish about my body. I hate the area around my scar which is still numb and painful. My previously neat boobs have also been replaced by comedy sized breastfeeding bazookas!

How soon after childbirth did others dtd? Especially those who had c sections. Atm I feel like my sex life is over and DH is getting very sexually frustratedSad

OP posts:

barneymcgroo · 04/11/2018 20:16

You can buy something in the chemist called Replens - helps quite a bit with the dryness...


needsanewname · 04/11/2018 20:23

Three weeks but vaginal delivery - I did have a 2nd degree tear though. It was nowhere near as bad as the first toilet trips after birth!


Didsomeonesaybunny · 04/11/2018 20:23

Firstly congratulations OP for creating a beautiful human. Secondly, please don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s only natural to feel this way I think. Your partner obviously finds you very attractive but I do understand you not feeling your best.

I’ve recently given birth, vaginal delivery rather than C-section with episiotomy. DP and I had sex after 3 weeks. I was very nervous but we took things slow and whilst it was a tad uncomfortable at first it was actually really great. My tip would be loads of foreplay first before sex to properly get you into the mood.


YouBetterWORK · 04/11/2018 20:27

Should hopefully be getting things sorted soon, episiotomy/forceps birth, healed wonderfully on the outside but inside there's scarring. There was some just inside the vagina which they managed to cut off, but further inside has meant sex is painful and we can't quite do it iyswim. Also there's bleeding. This is 9 months pp.

Have been taking estrogen pessaries as BF but not much joy. DH (not a stealth boast I swear) is erm, bigger than average so when I see the doctor for a follow up I might ask if she thinks dilators might help. Surgery is an option but I'd like to try everything else first. There may be the risk of things just scarring again anyway after surgery.

DH is very patient though Smile


DeadGood · 04/11/2018 20:28

“Tbf he’s only mentioned it a couple of times, but I’ve told him I won’t be having sex again before I’m ready.”

Good for you for standing your ground, but I do think it is surprising that he has mentioned it at all, let alone more than once. It hasn’t even been 3 months.

He should not be mentioning it at all at this point. Even if you hadn’t had the C section - you just gave birth to two babies. Add the major surgery on top? He needs to back off.


Nothisispatrick · 04/11/2018 20:28

Was 5 weeks after for me, but I had one baby and normal vaginal delivery. We’d hardly had sex all pregnancy and I was gagging for it! My sex drive came back in full force.


Dottysmum18 · 04/11/2018 21:05

First DS was 5 days Shock vaginal birth
DD c-section week stay in hospital 3 weeks after was very tense and frightened but was ok


EveMoneypenny · 04/11/2018 21:19

We still haven't one year later! I'm self conscious that I'm still carrying a lot of weight, have completely lost any sex drive (perhaps due to breastfeeding but the whole idea of it seems weird) and am terrified of getting pregnant again. DS2 hasn't been an easy baby. I have no idea when we'll get back into it. DH is being very patient.


User12879923378 · 04/11/2018 21:23

I think even without a vaginal birth that general area takes a LOT of strain - weight of babies and placentas etc, maybe the odd varicose vein, swelling due to increased blood volume.


Sleeplikeasloth · 04/11/2018 21:23

I wanted to on day 5 after section, but thought I should get the ok from a midwife first, so it ended up being 11 days.

It was weird at first, the scar etc didn't hurt at all, but I was a bit dry etc. It took maybe a month - 6 weeks to get back to normal.

It was a very straightforward section though.


MasterSensei · 04/11/2018 21:25

It amazes me that some people can have sex weeks after giving birth.
I had a very straight forward labour and birth, no pain relief for the actual delivery and ended up with a second degree tear up and down.
Took three months to do it successfully and 6 months in I've only just started to enjoy it.

I've also heard that breastfeeding releases a hormone that surpresses sex drive? As your body knows how fertile you are and you're already caring for one baby. No idea if that's true but it would explain the lack of mine!
Luckily I have an amazing DH who understands


CandyCreeper · 04/11/2018 21:28

I've also heard that breastfeeding releases a hormone that surpresses sex drive? As your body knows how fertile you are and you're already caring for one baby.

not true for me since I have 2 born exactly a year apart and was ebf.


welshweasel · 04/11/2018 21:29

@LipstickTraces it's called liquid silk, order it from amazon. Honestly it's made all the difference, we don't do anything without it now.


millkcowmama · 04/11/2018 21:29

2 weeks with dd 3 weeks ds as had stitches but people I’ve Spoken to it’s Been months even years.


MaryShelley1818 · 04/11/2018 21:34

Just 2wks for me too...we literally couldn’t wait!
Felt a little different but very quickly went back to normal.
Straightforward vaginal delivery with no tearing.


donajimena · 04/11/2018 21:41

master in my case the spirit was willing but the flesh was (extremely) weak. I really wanted to about 6 days post partum. I still waited 6 weeks though.


Justkeeprollingalong · 04/11/2018 21:57

9 months after a 9.5 breech birth and 30 stitches. I had to get very drunk 🤗


Justkeeprollingalong · 04/11/2018 21:58

9 lb 5 oz


Seren96 · 04/11/2018 22:02

Had an apisiotomy and tears and stitches. Took long enough to go to the toilet without being scared let alone anything else..! A good few months for us.


Marmite27 · 04/11/2018 22:03

I’m 7 months post c-section. Still not bothered.

I’m breast feeding and baby won’t take a bottle. I have a toddler and quite frankly don’t want anyone touching me.

DH has mentioned in passing a bit of frustration. He was pointed in the direction of the ironing pile and told to take it out on that. I also advised him I once went 3 years without, and could quite easily go longer if he continued. He’s ironing now Grin

Seriously, my body is in protection mode for the little one that needs my milk and a pregnancy would scupper that, and she’d provably starve herself to death. She’s already underweight and was premature and in NICU so no sex drive it is. DH is fairly understanding, because she’s his child too.


LettuceP · 04/11/2018 22:06

2 vaginal births, tore and had stitches both times. First one was 4 months after birth, second was 3 weeks. Honestly don't know what was going on with me after my second but I was gagging for it pretty much as soon as we got back from the hospital Blush
Don't put pressure on yourself, your ready when your ready.


user1490043295 · 04/11/2018 22:09

7 months after having twins via c section. I was always really tired and hated body as i went from size 10 to 16. Give yourself time to recover.


TheSheepofWallSt · 04/11/2018 22:16

Ummm... 2 years and 2 months (and counting) here.

Normal vaginal delivery. No tearing. One graze. Completely normal birth. Breastfed to almost 2.

Still can’t imagine having sex to be honest- have separated from DP, but have had the opportunity to shag (him and one or two others) and turned all down flat (not stealth boasting btw Blush) .

I used to be a bit of a shagger in my pre-baby days. I think I’m broken.


TheSheepofWallSt · 04/11/2018 22:17

The sex (or lack thereof) didn’t separate DP and I though. He was very understanding, and absolutely cool about it,


TheChickenOfTruth · 04/11/2018 22:26

Couple of weeks after C section.
Man it was uncomfortable - not the scar, but I was so horribly dry!

I think as long as your husband is not pressuring you, or making you uncomfortable, he is allowed to mention sex without it making him a jerk. As long as he's not upsetting you, I suppose it's nice to know he still finds you attractive even if you're not feeling it right now! (If he is pressuring you though, tell him to shove it.)

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

We're all short on time

Log in or sign up to use the 'See Next' or 'See all' posts by the OP (Original Poster) and cut straight to the action.

Already signed up?

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?