To think easy going people get neglected a bit?

[dollydimple999]

My mum alway brought me up to not be demanding or make any fuss. She said everyone's life is hard enough without you or anyone demanding special attention. I could and still can see her point and as have always been pretty laid back. However it occurs to me now that because I don't make any fuss or ask for anything I tend to end up very low on peoples priority list or forgotton about and all those awful people who do demand attention and to be made a fuss of, who are touchy and need special treatment actually tend to get those things?

Even my mum will say "i know you won't be offended or upset dolly if I don't get you a gift but your sister will be hurt so I have to buy for her" etc.

I'm not likely to change now but I do notice that when you make it too easy for people to not bother for you they tend not to and kind of forget you a bit?

Spot on....

Absolutely. I've recently started to be a little bit more demanding and it's yielding surprising results.

It’s like kids in school though isn’t it?

The well behaved children who do everything right get no extra treatment

Yet the one who plays up and refuses to listen, if they manage to do the work successfully, get rewarded

I’m easy going, want everyone to get on, would do anything to make others feel better etc. Couple of years ago stopped being walked over. Mixed results, mainly that the demanding in my life upped their game even more. I’m nearly 50 though and have been letting the chancers and takers get away with it for decades.

Agree, it used to be the norm but now evolution has reverted to law of the jungle and that the squeaky wheel get more oil has not gone unnoticed.

Absolutely. The difficult, demanding people get loads of attention and are always at the top of everyone’s list, whilst the easygoing are an afterthought.

I was also brought up not to make a fuss or expect attention, and I realise now that it made life much easier (and cheaper) for my parents, but much harder for me. It set a pattern for my life, and it means that I have never been able to voice my needs and expectations. This leads to disappointment and hurt, as I often get overlooked.

I too have heard the “I didn’t get you a birthday present ‘cos I’m broke, I know you’ll understand, I’m skint because I had to get Xxxx something for theirs and they always expect something expensive “

I agree, it’s true but it shouldn’t be.

Yup that’s me. And my dh. And now I’m seeing it in my children. It makes us nice people but increasingly it seems nice people get trodden on.

There's a difference between being easy-going and a total pushover

Yep - this 100% applies to me. And I definitely wouldn’t say I’m a pushover. I just find my life is a lot more stress free and I have so many less arguments and problems because I let everything go over my head and am very easygoing. I remind myself of that when I get a bit down about always being at the bottom of the priority list and never being the one who gets fussed over. These people who kick off all the time and get what they want must have so much aggro and conflict all the time.

It's like the old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the most grease.

I’m easy going but not a doormat. I say what I feel. I’m not easily offended but if someone left me out I’d say I was disappointed. I think you can be laid back without being completely meek and a walkover.

Yep this is me too, feel invisible sometimes because of it! Was also raised not to make a fuss, be quiet, don’t demand anything...it makes for quite a hard time growing up. I was always shy, quiet, thought everyone else’s expectations, feelings and opinions were far more important than mine.
As an adult I’m trying to overcome all of this! I like that I don’t have any drama in my life but I do wish I was better at pushing myself forward.

Probably, but overall I think self dependant people who don't need much from others are happier and in better control of their own happiness

Yuuuuuup.

I’m very easy-going, was brought up to not make a fuss. By comparison, I have a sister who is very hot-headed and flighty and I’m constantly being told I shouldn’t do/say/have something fo fear she’ll be upset.

Also, I feel like I’m never entitled to be upset about anything. If I have a little moan, I’m told it’s OTT compared to my normal demeanor, and so my little moan is treated the same as someone else having a complete meltdown. I’m always expected to just grin and bear things. It’s very frustrating.

Yes, I've found it a lot in the workplace.

I work efficiently and am a "team player". Colleagues who make a complete nuisance of themselves (moaning about everything under the sun and taking absolute liberties) seem to get away with it all - promoted upwards/sideways/placated managers want a quiet life.

Maybe I've just worked in some toxic places!

*because managers want a quiet life.

Total appeasement.

I know this. I am steadfast and loyal which means it's up to me to contact people, seldom the other way round. I've lost contact with most f my University friends when it dawned on me they NEVER phoned me and in one case showed more emotional range over their fucking toasty maker than me telling them my dad now had a life-limiting illness.

Yep same in my workplace, I'm always on time and rarely call in sick etc but past few months 2 staff members in particular have been calling in sick and constantly being late etc.
Last staff meeting we had it was announced that those staff were given an opportunity to put in better effort in their lateness and each day they arrive on time they will get points which can be swapped for vouchers.
People like me that's always on time get nothing.

Exactly. I think I’ve lost a lot of friends in the last few years as the expectation was I always travelled/made the effort.
And I’ve had the ‘cats isnt bothered about her birthday’. Actually I am.

I was brought up not to make a fuss, and while most of the time I can let things go and enjoy a life free of the drama that more vocal people seem to live with, I have also learnt (recently, and with the help of an excellent counsellor) that I do matter and that I should prioritise myself and treat myself well. Since I have stopped looking for other people to fill that role, I have been much happier.
As an added bonus, now that I realise that I am important and that my needs matter, I am even able to voice them in a non confrontational manner.

TheDogAteMySock that's such sage advice.

My counsellor pointed it out to me but it's taken a while longer for me to truly appreciate and implement it.

Life changing

Be kind to yourself is good advice.

My dear dad said to me on a few occasions "put yourself first" which puzzled me as a child and young adult as he was a quiet and unassuming man who was very caring. I now think that he'd seen this sort of dynamic happening through his life.

Yes. I can't actually remember the last time someone in my family actually enquired about how I am. I mean really asked, or noticed, something about me or my life. Dh and I do a lot for other people. Yet we've been waiting for 4 months for help from my dad to mend a shower. He's a plumber.

Likewise, dsis is a drama llama and they're always asking me how she is and worrying about her.