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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much pandering should a good host do?

54 replies

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 15:31

I have a friend with some food intolerances and what I think are strange ideas about food. She sticks to branded goods and has a very restricted list of what she will eat and drink.

She is very vocal on making her dislike/disgust known about what I'm eating/cooking/drinking. I find it rude. I also find it very hard to offer her much to eat or drink when she visits. She makes little effort when I visit her which is much less often.

Yesterday she was visiting and was looking in my child's Halloween cauldron. She kept on making comments about how tempted she was by the contents and I told her she couldn't have any as it wasn't mine to share. I offered her the snacks that she usually has and that I get in especially for her. She turned them down but continued glancing over at my child's cauldron and making comments about 'fancying something else'. I didn't give in but felt mean.

I'm getting fed up with her but wonder if I'm being a bit inhospitable. TBH I don't really believe her about the food intolerance as it's inconsistent and the faddiness seems very attention seeking at times but go along with it and get food and drink in that she likes.

OP posts:
penisbeakers · 04/11/2018 15:34

I'd tell her to fuck off.

To be clear, dealing with food allergies and intolerances is one thing, that's absolutely necessary because people have needs and such. Handling someone being a funny twat about food when they're making shitty comments about your choices? Fuck that. Tell her to bring her own stuff if she's that bothered.

Booboostwo · 04/11/2018 15:35

An adult can go out and buy sweets, it’s a bit weird to covet a small child’s treats! And I say that as someone with a very sweet tooth!

She sounds like she has serious issues with food.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 15:38

She tried to take sweets from your kids? WTAF? She wouldn't be visiting me anymore. If she asked why I'd tell her, 'I'm not impressed with you how tried to take my children's sweets and I'm fed up with your food issues.' She comments what you're eating when you're out just tell her, 'That's very rude of you. I don't want to listen to your criticisms and if you carry on I'll move to another table'. And do it.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 15:48

We are friends and she has been like this all the time. I'm finding it harder to deal with now whereas before I just went along with it.

My daughter has been ill and will always get special treats from her grandparents to encourage her to eat again. My friend has seemed to covet some of those treats as well. I specifically get her stuff she likes and that I know she will eat so I'm not being inhospitable - just not my daughter's stuff.

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GettingSomeLater · 04/11/2018 15:51

Is your friend 5?!

If not... unfriend her

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 15:53

It feels like she's jealous that my daughter has treats that she can't have. It's not the actual treats but that they are my daughters.

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GettingSomeLater · 04/11/2018 15:54

She’s a moron

GettingSomeLater · 04/11/2018 15:55

No rational/reasonably intelligent/nice person behaves like this

Maelstrop · 04/11/2018 16:01

Weird. Before she next comes round, tell her to bring her own snacks. Trying to get you to hand over your child’s sweets is just weird!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 16:02

I'm not sure food issues are rational - I've always gone along with it and catered for her requirements as it's not a big deal. Although she will eat other crisps if they are not walkers so I won't specifically buy them anymore.

I think it's more food preferences more than anything. It does seem very childish. I've told her to not be rude about my food but the whining about it really irritates me.

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GettingSomeLater · 04/11/2018 16:03

Why exactly are you friends with this weirdo??

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 16:06

Who cares what her motives are? She's fucking rude. It's rude to criticise what someone's eating, it's rude to try to nick a kid's sweets, it's rude to behave how she does in your house. STOP inviting her round and if she asks why tell her the truth. No big loss if she scarpers.

RangeRider · 04/11/2018 16:06

Don't bother getting anything different in for her, just tell her what you do have available and that she's welcome to have some if she wants. And no, the child's sweets aren't included.

fieldgold · 04/11/2018 16:14

You can choose your friends. I have had to ditch some of mine along the way for various reasons.

You can too if you wish.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 16:14

I do enjoy her company, I want her to call in and I don't really mind getting her specific snacks as I know what she likes. I am annoyed she is trying to have what isn't being offered - my daughter's treats/Halloween haul.

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paxillin · 04/11/2018 16:18

Stealing a child's sweets has got nothing to do with food intolerance.

I'd bin her as a friend, I can't stand babyish me-me-me people.

dontalltalkatonce · 04/11/2018 16:19

Get a spine! You're just annoyed she tried to poach your kid's sweets and wouldn't take no for an answer? Stop enabling this type of childish behaviour.

WizardOfToss · 04/11/2018 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 04/11/2018 16:22

I have problems with food

Diagnosed food phobic so tend to stick with what I know

I would never try to keep hinting about your child’s sweets

I might secretly wish you would offer them, but I wouldn’t hint.

They are hers. Not yours to offer

Ragwort · 04/11/2018 16:26

Can’t you just laugh it off ‘oh they are little Amy’s Halloween treats, let me know when you are next visiting & I’ll get you som Haribo/Kitkats/whatever’. Or just arrange to meet on neutral territory, preferably in a coffee shop where she can buy her own snacks.

What were the treats that were so enticing ? Grin

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 16:32

I think it's been going on so long that I've just gone along with it. My child being ill has been a recent thing and has seemed to bring out the worst in her.

I've said no every time she's tried to poach my daughter's stuff - I have been spineless about it. I've been in the habit of pandering to her.

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paxillin · 04/11/2018 16:34

Does she want to be a child? It would explain her jealousy when faced with an actual child. Bin, bin, bin. And do tell her why.

Jaxhog · 04/11/2018 16:34

Before she next comes round, tell her to bring her own snacks.

She's a CF and trying to see how far she can push you. Make a stand.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/11/2018 16:36

The Halloween stuff was just sweets and mini chocolates. The treats her grandparents get can be anything. It's more about it being my daughter's stuff I think than what it actually is.

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Soubriquet · 04/11/2018 16:38

She sounds jealous...

Is this adult women seriously jealous of your little girl? Confused