How much pandering should a good host do?

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I have a friend with some food intolerances and what I think are strange ideas about food. She sticks to branded goods and has a very restricted list of what she will eat and drink.

She is very vocal on making her dislike/disgust known about what I'm eating/cooking/drinking. I find it rude. I also find it very hard to offer her much to eat or drink when she visits. She makes little effort when I visit her which is much less often.

Yesterday she was visiting and was looking in my child's Halloween cauldron. She kept on making comments about how tempted she was by the contents and I told her she couldn't have any as it wasn't mine to share. I offered her the snacks that she usually has and that I get in especially for her. She turned them down but continued glancing over at my child's cauldron and making comments about 'fancying something else'. I didn't give in but felt mean.

I'm getting fed up with her but wonder if I'm being a bit inhospitable. TBH I don't really believe her about the food intolerance as it's inconsistent and the faddiness seems very attention seeking at times but go along with it and get food and drink in that she likes.

I, like her go along with a ‘sink or swim philosophy’. Perhaps that would be a good tactic to take with her. Offer a small choice of drink / snack. She can take it or leave it. If she chooses not to eat it she can go without. It really is not your responsibility.

If you really think she’s jealous of your child then that’s very odd. I mean, odd that she would be jealous of your child, not odd that you think it IYKWIM

I also don’t like the hinting behaviour of asking for stuff

It sounds like she's jealous of the attention your DD gets for being unwell.

I'd bet anything her food preferences crap is completely an attention seeking ploy, and she is pissed off that your DD (quite rightly) gets attention for a genuine reason, ie. her illness.

She has a relative that had digestive problems and needed an operation to help. They are on a restrictive diet cutting out certain foods. I think some of her other relatives have similar issues so I can't completely dismiss her food intolerances. I don't want to make her ill so cater for her. It just seems inconsistent and she's not discrete about it.

I do think she's jealous of the attention my child gets for being sick. That's something I find hard to stomach. Unintended pun!