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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being a princess

56 replies

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 19:58

I got out of hospital today. I have been in for 10 days. I'm home to rest and await further tests, build up my strength, take the new medication. I have various out patient appointments for bloods, dietician, scans etc over the next few weeks, possibly surgery looming. I won't know until the MRI scan what is coming next.
I had to organise the care for the kids before I went in and drove myself to hospital. She was at work. He had had worked overtime 14 hour days for weeks leading up to this. He didn't go to say goodnight to our children the first night I was in hospital. I told him they were both quite upset about me being ill and in hospital. He had been at a work corporate piss up on the Saturday previous to my admission when I was really not well and biding my time before going into hospital.
He has a long history of being a workaholic to bury his head from anything else like myself or the kids.
He actually came to get me today, leaving work 20 minutes earlier than his actual leaving time. I say actual leaving time but he never, ever leaves that early. Always does extra. Like every day. And quite often a full day at the weekend. His job is not life or death important to the world.
He took me home then pretty much went straight back to work.
I arrived home. His parents have been doing the bulk of the childcare. I had other people lined up to help but they refused it all and wanted to do it by themselves. They started on about being too old to look after the kids.. They said, “over to you” and left.
I’ve made tea, served tea, eaten a little bit and now in pain. I’ve done too much but the kids needed fed.
I couldn’t even just order something because of my restricted diet.
Fil was a pharmacist so thank god he hasn’t picked up the medication yet. He wanted to read the side affects in case HE needed to report to the DVLA that I shouldn’t be driving.
WTAF?!?
I'm still waiting for dh to arrive home, having popped in past the hospital for my medication. I need the pain relief. In fact, I am due all the other medication now too.
I've got the kids in their pjs and away to put them to bed.
I feel I shouldn't be doing all this. I haven't even cut my hospital I.d band off yet. I was told to rest. Dh says I'm acting like a princess. Basically I am supposed to just get straight back into full maid service and shut the fuck up.
I'd lock the doors but I need his help.
Ainu

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

OP posts:
Surinamtoad · 02/11/2018 20:01

YANBU!

GunpowderGelatine · 02/11/2018 20:05

My god OP YANBU at all! I'm sorry you've had such shit support. Tell your DH to get his arse home.

lovetherisingsun · 02/11/2018 20:08

Jesus, I'd be feeling quite tearful tbh if I were in your position :( I'm sorry you;re having to do this all on your own OP; what's the point to your husband? Why is life better with him, than without? Not that that helps right now when you're ill, of course, but still - what a shit partner he is :( He's obviously got his priorities, and it's not you, and not his children.

Tahani · 02/11/2018 20:10

bloody hell - can any of the other people help you out?

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 20:18

My parents are dead. My friends will help but I didn't think I would need them tonight. I just feel so let down.
The little ones were helping me after tea and got changed with no issue.
I'm too exhausted to cry.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 02/11/2018 20:19

You spouse needs to come home. For the next weeks he needs to only work what is absolutely necessary. He may even need to use some leave. You should not be taking care of the kids right now. You need to lay in bed and have them come in to you for the occasional gentle hug and kiss goodnight.

SEsofty · 02/11/2018 20:23

He is an arse

You know he’s an arse

You need to get through the next couple of days and then work out a long term plan

junebirthdaygirl · 02/11/2018 20:23

That is so hard. So mean. You are not being a princess. I feel so angry on your behalf. The weekend is here. Hope your dh will get going. Do not get up with the dc in the morning. If he talks about work move to your friends.

StoneofDestiny · 02/11/2018 20:28

Even if he wasn't your husband , just a good friend, his behaviour is shocking

plaidlife · 02/11/2018 20:28

You are not a princess, he is an arse. Do not do things at home, stay in bed, repeat that you are not well enough to care for dc. Explain you will buy in a temp nanny if he doesn't step up and parent his dc.

RayRayBidet · 02/11/2018 20:29

You are not a princess, your husband is a cunt.
You need to tell him so and if he doesn't drop everything and start looking after you then show him the door.
Tell him how serious your health issues are and if he won't listen tell him to piss off and ask your friends to help you.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 02/11/2018 20:29

Bloody hell. Of course YANBU. I would do more to help a neighbour in your situation (and I'm not close to my neighbours!).

JaceLancs · 02/11/2018 20:33

I really feel your pain
So many times this happened to me sometimes it was exDH sometimes my parents
I know it’s not what you want to hear but I actually coped better without anyone and with no expectations and resultant disillusionment when they didn’t step up to the plate to help me
My DC are now adults and treat me like a queen especially if I’m unwell
Current DP just looks after me if I need it - he’s not perfect in many other ways but he’s never let me down when I’ve been in real need

MyBrexitIsIll · 02/11/2018 20:39

He is a disgrace and you are NOT a princess.

Juells · 02/11/2018 20:44

Did I understand that right, that you FiL didn't give you your medication because he wanted to ponder over the side effects?

The apple didn't fall far from the tree. All three of them are arses.

LTB

Maelstrop · 02/11/2018 20:44

When I had surgery, my dh walked in front of me to protect me from being knocked into my first few times out. At no point did he call me a princess. I was looked after in all ways while the dh worked full time, ran the house, took me to all appointments and walked 3 dogs.

Your dh is a twat, I’m afraid. He’s ducking out of family responsibilities and needs to step up, permanently, not just while you’re recovering.

Gemini69 · 02/11/2018 20:47

I agree.. He is a DISGRACE

PolkaDoting · 02/11/2018 20:49

No, you’re not being a princess.

Feefeetrixabelle · 02/11/2018 20:51

Open front door. Take medicine off dh. Shut door in his face.

You need support. You were in hospital not a spa.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/11/2018 20:52

YANBAP. He is being very unreasonable.

puguin86 · 02/11/2018 20:52

Yanbu
Your post refers to a mans name OP

I think you need to report it

PumpkinPie567 · 02/11/2018 20:53

I am actually crying on your behalf. He needs to step up. Please call a friend tonight to come and help you x

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 20:53

He is home. I was due my meds at 8. The kids are asleep. He thinks I should manage to take the kids to their activities tomorrow so he can get stuff done round the house. I've said I'm not doing that. He is in a huff.
Fill wanted to ponder the side effects of the drugs but was disappointed. They weren't ready when I left the hospital and Dh had to go back and get them...I could have just waited at hospital but wanted home to see the kids. I should have just stayed there but I missed them. I didn't think I would be just left like this. 

OP posts:
April2020mom · 02/11/2018 20:55

Tell him to come home. Make it clear that he needs to look after you properly. Highlight the severity of your health problems. But if he won’t assist you get a caring friend instead. Threaten to hire a lawyer if he fails to care for you.
Seriously I recommend implementing a plan for the future. Can you politely ask the neighbors to come over and help you out? When I was in the hospital I was very happy for any forms of spontaneous assistance.
We had plenty of people cooking our meals, providing childcare and praying for him daily. I doubt I would have coped with the early days without all the support from friends and family members as well as neighbours. That got me through the day. Even if they asked me questions that made me feel happy.
Have a discussion with him. Encourage him to muck in.

Maelstrop · 02/11/2018 20:56

Stuff him sulking, I think you’re going need to TELL him what’s going to happen, seems it’s the only way you’re going to get what you need. What an absolute disgrace your ‘d’h is.

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