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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being a princess

56 replies

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 19:58

I got out of hospital today. I have been in for 10 days. I'm home to rest and await further tests, build up my strength, take the new medication. I have various out patient appointments for bloods, dietician, scans etc over the next few weeks, possibly surgery looming. I won't know until the MRI scan what is coming next.
I had to organise the care for the kids before I went in and drove myself to hospital. She was at work. He had had worked overtime 14 hour days for weeks leading up to this. He didn't go to say goodnight to our children the first night I was in hospital. I told him they were both quite upset about me being ill and in hospital. He had been at a work corporate piss up on the Saturday previous to my admission when I was really not well and biding my time before going into hospital.
He has a long history of being a workaholic to bury his head from anything else like myself or the kids.
He actually came to get me today, leaving work 20 minutes earlier than his actual leaving time. I say actual leaving time but he never, ever leaves that early. Always does extra. Like every day. And quite often a full day at the weekend. His job is not life or death important to the world.
He took me home then pretty much went straight back to work.
I arrived home. His parents have been doing the bulk of the childcare. I had other people lined up to help but they refused it all and wanted to do it by themselves. They started on about being too old to look after the kids.. They said, “over to you” and left.
I’ve made tea, served tea, eaten a little bit and now in pain. I’ve done too much but the kids needed fed.
I couldn’t even just order something because of my restricted diet.
Fil was a pharmacist so thank god he hasn’t picked up the medication yet. He wanted to read the side affects in case HE needed to report to the DVLA that I shouldn’t be driving.
WTAF?!?
I'm still waiting for dh to arrive home, having popped in past the hospital for my medication. I need the pain relief. In fact, I am due all the other medication now too.
I've got the kids in their pjs and away to put them to bed.
I feel I shouldn't be doing all this. I haven't even cut my hospital I.d band off yet. I was told to rest. Dh says I'm acting like a princess. Basically I am supposed to just get straight back into full maid service and shut the fuck up.
I'd lock the doors but I need his help.
Ainu

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 02/11/2018 21:02

FIL has no right to check your meds uninvited. It should all be in a sealed bag anyway, surely? Has he forgotten about confidentiality and how FORBIDDEN it is to check up on something confidential related to a patient if it is not necessary for your job and they are NOT your patient who you are CURRENTLY treating. He could be reported to his professional body and/or HCPC if he does this without your consent.
Sorry for shouting, but this is unforgivable and he could be struck off. You could do worse than remind him of this.
And does he think you are so stupid that you cannot understand 'do not drive or operate heavy machinery after taking this medication'? FFS.
I don't think you are a princess, BTW.
PILs obviously found it too much looking after your DCs, but should not have tried to do it all when you had others set up to share the load. (Pride, I'm guessing) Don't want to admit they are too old.....

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 21:03

Shit, noticed the name. How do I report a thread because I need that name out? I've never reported something before?

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 02/11/2018 21:03

You need to put your foot down here. You need to TELL him what's going to be happening!

Ginger1982 · 02/11/2018 21:04

I've reported it.

allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 21:05

Fil is retired so not in the professional body anymore but I couldn't care if he looks at my meds...I just hope I get a good dose of steroid rage round them all! 

OP posts:
allupsidedown · 02/11/2018 21:06

Thank you Gingergirl. 

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 02/11/2018 21:08

You are NOT a princess. You are convalescent, in recovery from a long hospital stay.

Your husband is a selfish, cruel git, and you need a divorce.

But before that, you need to get through this. Find support. Ask your friends to come and help you, and tell them exactly how your husband is behaving, and that you intend to get out once everything is over.

You can get through this.

gindrinkingmarypoppins · 02/11/2018 21:14

Ouch that is seriously harsh. I would be recruiting anybody and everybody to help me for now, then working on a long term plan to divorce that selfish twat. What an absolute knobhead.
I'm sorry you're in this situation OP.
Make sure you do not lift a single finger tomorrow. Just wow.

SaltyPeanut · 02/11/2018 21:17

Sounds like you are surrounded by thoughtless twats who think you are not really ill and are okay to do everything so long as you are not lying unconscious on the floor at that very moment.

You are not being a princess and I actually find these peoples treatment of you upsetting. You get into bed or plonk yourself on the sofa with a blanket and tell all the adults to go fuck themselves.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 02/11/2018 21:17

You have nothing to lose by becoming a princess. Your husband is crap anyway, how much worse is it likely to get? Make a fuss, stand firm in your refusal to take the kids to activities and spend a few weeks insisting on adequate rest. Being nice and just getting on with it will land you nowhere but in another hospital bed.
Your husband is a pillock and your FIL is an arse, but you've got this.

Caprisunorange · 02/11/2018 21:19

Christ OP you poor poor thing

NoseTitZilla · 02/11/2018 21:35

I would have blown my lid by now at DH, so well done you. That's extremely thoughtless. What would he expect if the shoe was on the other foot? Has that happened before? What happened to in sickness and in health? You are meant to be a team.

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 02/11/2018 21:43

No you are not behaving like a princess, but right now you deserve to be treated like one.

Some pampering now will help you back to full strength. Carrying out business as usual won't and may well delay your recovery.

I'm angry on your behalf. Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/11/2018 21:52

He sounds deeply uncaring. You are not a princess.

SEsofty · 03/11/2018 08:08

Please please don’t get out of bed all weekend and just don’t do anything

allupsidedown · 03/11/2018 08:57

I got up and had all my tablets (28 in the morning), laid out the stuff for kids activities then crawled back to bed.
A very stressed out dh is taking them in. Once there he just needs to sit and wait for them. He could even leave then go back for them at the end. It isn't that hard but I wasn't getting up and dressed to go.

OP posts:
Maccycheesefries · 03/11/2018 09:11

Stay in bed all weekend and the coming week and don't move unless you need to use the loo. The lazy twat needs to step up and be a parent for once. I'm not surprised he's like this given the fact that his parents left you to feed the kids after coming home from hospital. Also, their son dropped you off and returned straight to work and they didn't say anything. You've married into a family of hard hearted, unsympathetic bastards.

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 14:46

Good on you. If he’d called me a princess I’d have shown him one. I think you need a serious conversation with him for both of yours sakes.

GemmeFatale · 03/11/2018 14:52

I don’t know you but I’m available to pop over and plant my boot up his arse if that helps?

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 14:57

Download a bell sound on your phone and ring it loudly whenever you need something. That would work even better if you have one of those Alexa talking things set up 😂

Butterymuffin · 03/11/2018 15:02

Your husband needs to stop whining as if anyone's being a princess here it's him, acting as if parenting his own kids and taking them to activities is SOOO hard. You've been seriously ill and need to recover. I would be doing a lot less for him when you are better too.

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 03/11/2018 15:14

Don’t lift a finger Op and let him do it all. I’m fuming reading your posts.

You need to say to him, if he was in your shoes and you gave him no help and kept huffing, how the fuck would he feel?!

allupsidedown · 03/11/2018 16:44

He is surprised that I've managed to sleep most of the day. Though I have stripped our bed as I got very sweaty. (Sorry if tmi)
That totally knackered me though so i lay down on the sofa. He is now annoyed as he will have to make the bed again. Surely that is preferable to it being a sweaty stinky mess?

OP posts:
allupsidedown · 03/11/2018 16:49

I've said repeatedly that it isn't fair for him to be like this. I certainly haven't chosen to be ill. I'd much rather be fit and healthy.
He replies that he can't help work but last night was horrendous.
I basically was collapsed on our bed when he got home, needing painkillers. Not great.

OP posts:
Educator66 · 03/11/2018 16:52

It depends - is he the only breadwinner in the house ? Do you enjoy a lifestyle that needs a lot of money to finance / live in a house with an expensive mortgage etc ? Do you split the bills ? If he is working hard and long hours to provide you and the children with every comfort - then it is unreasonable to place further demands on him when he is paying for everything.

However if his work does not benefit you in any way and is unnecessary, then he is avoiding the issues at hand.

Either way you can't expect him to do everything without compromise as he has to work and so do you to an extent.

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