To have just sent a kid home?

[selfidentifyinggiraffe]

I feel a bit embarrassed and not sure if I need to apologise to the parents or if actually it was entirely reasonable

Child misbehaved several times and refused to apologise... I just marched them home to a very stunned parent

Sent my own straight to bed too

I'm not usually the most stern person which I think is why the parent looked so shocked, they were polite and made child apologise

I would have had child till about 8 latest otherwise

They're both 6

Do I need to explain further and apologise or should I just be glad the evening is over?

Next time you have them they will know to behave or suffer the consequences. Short term pain for long term gain.

6 is a fine age to establish consequences for actions. And 8 is too late on a play date. You were right.

I wish I'd got in the car and taken a 12 y.o. home from a sleepover once. Better to nip it in the bud. Let me tell you about my awful experience, with a 12 yo I'll call PIA (Pain in Ass ). (Sorry but you'll see why...!)

PIA was mardy & disruptive at my middle DD (12) sleepover birthday party two summers ago, refusing to join in games, by 2 hours in DD2 was fed up of her attitude & nasty digs and I'd tried everything to placate, then suggested to PIA she might want to go home, if she wasn't enjoying party). She behaved a bit better but monopolised everything.

At teatime, I cooked pizza, nuggets (hers was healthy on pitta bread) she realised she'd forgotten her insulin diabetic blood strips (she had insulin etc with her) , so she shouted at everyone they couldn't eat as she couldn't. We stood out front (she insisted) waiting for either her stepmum or dad to drop strips off. 20 mins later food's getting cold, I tell girls to eat and carry on with party and suggest PIA waits inside and eats something as she'll get hypo. PIA tells me I don't care, and stands outside house.
So I patiently wait with her.

Stepmum /dad fail to turn up after 45 mins, I ring Dad (again!) who says they already told her instead to take normal insulin & eat normal as she doesn't need strips since we'd agreed food prior. She looks sheepish.

In tent outside (back garden sleepover) she insists no one watches streamed film I've bought in especially (& agreed beforehand -was on invites!). She wants to watch something others have seen. I go out jolly voice, "Hands up wants to watch X?" All girls except PiA do, so I say " Right majority rule and this is DD2's party PIA, so pack it in or you might as well go home". Film goes on tablet in tent. Much giggling, party spirit restored.

Later in eve DD2 comes in to tell me, PIA kept snatching tablet and talking over film so they'd ended up watching "hers" after an hour. And PIA has taken out our quilts from beds, pillows & sofa cushions and put on grass. (I was bathing DD3). I go out, other girls are arguing with PIA to stop, collect up our (not for outside) bedding (they had plenty blankets and sleeping bags), read riot act and say I don't want anymore of this. I text her dad to collect her. He doesn't answer phone, he's home with his wife and toddler son. I'm single mum so can't take her home without leaving sleepover girls behind.

Fed up, but party restored after I've had a strong quiet word with PIA that she seems unhappy, she can stay inside and watch TV with me. No, she goes out, torches, sweets (healthy ones for PIA) and girls telling spooky stories gets underway and party restored.

At 11:15pm, I'm woken by shouting and DD2 getting me. PIA has eaten toffees (despite girls telling her no), not the diabetic healthy snacks she had and has tootchache. She says Filling has come loose but no one can actually see anything. She demands I take her to emergency dentist literally screaming at me.

I say 'no such thing as emergency dentist at midnight, no I'm not taking you to A&E as they won't help'. We'll have to call your dad and he can decide what to do. He'll probably only be able take you to your dentist tomorrow morning, but at least you'll be home. Dad doesn't answer when I ring him.

After 45 mins he answers. He says she's to go to sleep, as he could do no more either, and he's not coming to get her.

She comes into house to sleep but later sneaks out, DD3, DS1 & me awake for 2 hours settling & talking to her, she having woken whole house. I'm sympathetic.

At 2:30am I catch her drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows that DD2 and friends who've woken for midnight snack 😆 with no problems, no sign of toothache, all giggles. I'm 🤨

Next day, her dad doesn't collect her at 10:30am as per party arrangements. By midday, she's in my car and dropped off at her door with her bags.

Her Dad replies to my texts that he didn't come collect her as "she's a bit of a drama queen & needs not to get her own way sometimes". And sorry he was late to collect, ta for dropping her off. Cheers mate 🤔

She has never been invited back to my house again. DD2 dropped her like a hot stone. DD2 said she didn't need dentitst after all.

Total CF family.

(I gave her painkillers)

@whereismhiding2 The poor child. It’s neglectful of her dad not to have brought her test strips for her. She must have been feeling like utter shite and may have been worried about going low (so taking on too much carbohydrate without insulin to prevent this which would have led to a high which would have affected her mood and behaviour). Btw Did you ask her if she had any special food requirements before doing separate snacks/meals for her? If not, that might have made her feel quite uncomfortable and excluded as she can make her own food choices and adjust her insulin. I do think you would have been right to insist that a parent brought the important medical supplies that she was asking for. Poor, poor girl.

T1mum3 are you joking? That doesn’t excuse her appalling behaviour...she’s 12! And her family sound an absolute nightmare too.

@t1mum3 thanks for commenting, I refrained as I just didn't feel educated enough to comment on that despite a friend who's a T1 mum having many Facebook posts aimed at educating us all. She had an excellent post the other day about insulin being a flawed life support and not the cure those of us who don't have to cope with the reality of a child with type 1 diabetes might assume. I did wonder though...

Don't worry PP, we'd already discussed the diabetic snacks with her and her dad (she lives with him) & she chose them. She also managed without strips before, and didn't actually need them as the meal was pre-planned. I asked her dad to bring them but regardless he/his wife didn't feel it was needed. I'd have preferred he did. I found out later, that her dad had checked her insulin bag pack when she was packing & he said it was strange as the strips were in there.
Lol that you think she's neglected child. She wasn't at all. She had all of us running around after her, even the birthday girl (DD2).

@Whereismumhiding2 she does have a really horrible disease that she'll have to manage for life that completely prevents her from just having a normal childhood without thinking about her disease constantly... and parents who think she's a drama queen and cba to collect her on time, or discipline her themselves and would rather leave it to you on your child's sleepover

Her behaviour was strange and not good - surely most T1 parents would be worrying at that point?

Having said that I wasn't happy about it at the time. As regardless, I think her dad shirked his responsibility throughout that night, for both medical reasons.

@whereismumhiding2 She did need her test strips. If she actually had them, that's different. She shouldn't be going anywhere without a means of testing her blood glucose and I can't believe that her father thinks it's acceptable for her to go for that long without testing. That's awful and it is neglect.

I appreciate that you don't understand the condition, but for a child to go on a sleepover without means of testing her blood is really, really wrong.

Hyperglycaemia can cause behavioural and emotional changes - one of the many, many reasons it's important to test frequently and adjust insulin (which she couldn't do effectively if she thought she had no means of testing her blood glucose).

Like I said, poor child.

Yes @selfidentifyinggiraffe. That's what I thought. Diabetes is a very huge deal. And when she was in pain later too?! I'd have gone to collect or check on my daughter for any of those reasons!

It did turn out that's she's a drama queen. I didn't include all the little things or the digs she made at DD2 (who ended up tearful at one point during her party because of this girl). We had a few months subsequent of her bullying DD2 by text and at school, because DD2 stopped inviting her to our house. (Bear in mind she never invited DD2 to a playdate at her house.)

@t1mum3 I do understand diabetes, but thankyou for your assumption. My first fiance had insulin dependent diabetes. I wanted the strips brought round. That's why I included it as was part of shirking behaviour of her family.

My ds can be a nightmare sometimes, especially if he's tired, has recently started to mimic me/repeat what I say etc. If he was being cheeky on a play date, I'd rather know, and him knowing it wasn't just me that thinks bad behaviour is unacceptable, would be preferable to him thinking he'd gotten away with it, and being a smug little terror/repeating the behaviour as there were no consequences. I'd be mortified, but at ds, not the parent who brough him home early rather than put up with rude or dangerous antics.

@whereismumhiding2 - you were giving the impression that you didn't understand type one diabetes because a) you've stated that she didn't need to test her blood glucose, b) you don't seem to have a good grasp of how people with type one diabetes are able to eat and c) you don't seem to have any awareness of effects of hyperglycaemia.

I'm sorry if my assumption was wrong, but why would you state facts that are incorrect if you know them to be incorrect.

It's ok, no-one is expecting you to be the expert, I'm just explaining that the girl doesn't sound like she comes from a very supportive background and there may be reasons for her behaviour which are medical rather than her just being a pain in the arse.

You would have been totally right to insist that she was collected, but you might want to listen a bit before demonising the poor kid.

Nope thats exactly how I'd want you to react if my child was being an arse tbh!

@t1mum3. I didn't give any of those impressions! Nor did I state facts that are incorrect if you know them to be incorrect

I merely repeated factually what her parent stated, the parent who knows how to manage her individual diabetes best. No more, no less, than that.

Anyway, your misunderstandings are derailing what was a thread about sending home badly behaved children. And that OP shouldn't feel bad about it.

I included my experience as I wish I'd taken her home due to her horrid behaviour to birthday girl before then, and how the whole party was taken over by one drama to another, with her parents being unhelpful.

I've learnt now to reduce my kindly meant tolerance of dramas or mean behaviour by any child in my house .... "It's time for you to go home..."
I'd want to know if my child was misbehaving or rude (or ill even!) at someone else's house and I would want them home.

I don't think you were that unreasonable. You gave fair warning. the only time I was ever that tough on small children was when they were being mean to one other child and excluding them. That sort of low level manipulation and bullying really winds me up and I think they need to be pulled up on it hard as young as possible.