To have just sent a kid home?

[selfidentifyinggiraffe]

I feel a bit embarrassed and not sure if I need to apologise to the parents or if actually it was entirely reasonable

Child misbehaved several times and refused to apologise... I just marched them home to a very stunned parent

Sent my own straight to bed too

I'm not usually the most stern person which I think is why the parent looked so shocked, they were polite and made child apologise

I would have had child till about 8 latest otherwise

They're both 6

Do I need to explain further and apologise or should I just be glad the evening is over?

@selfidentifyinggiraffe - if you had marched one of my children home from a sleepover, for bad behaviour, I would have been very cross - with them!

You have done exactly the right thing, in my book.

You have done absolutely the right thing. Six is perfectly old enough to learn that actions have consequences. The consequence here is that the child was taken home - that’s far better than the alternative, where dangerous behaviour carries on with the consequence that a child gets hurt.

YANBU OP. I wish more people had higher expectations for their children's behaviour. Young children get things wrong, make errors of judgement and show unwanted behaviour. But far too many adults fail to deal with it effectively and make excuses for it without addressing it. Yet the way you deal with it is exactly what teaches children what is and isn't acceptable, they learn where the boundaries lie and begin to understand that behaviour has consequences. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Thanks everyone, I'm glad the general consensus is I wasn't overly harsh for 6 year olds tonight 😁🙈

Your boundaries in your home - you did the right thing.

I'd far rather my child was not allowed to get away with bad behaviour by other people. And I'd rather know, despite being mortified, if they've done something wrong so that I can talk to them about it. It takes a village...

My DC (one just 6 and one nearly 8) still listen to the words of other people above me and DH. If it were me I'd have been gutted they'd done it, gutted you'd felt that way and very apologetic, but also thankful as a different person's discipline sometimes makes them realise. You did a good thing.

YANBU and you prevented a potential injury to a child happening in your home which would have been MUCH worse.

I have to say though OP... you were the adult in charge. Could you not have separated them for a while? Does your DC usually resist your authority? Your OP made it sound like the other child was all the problem but then in a later post you said your own DC was being a brat and was sent straight to bed, so it's not like your DC was absolutely fine/shocked at the other DCs bad behaviour.

I'm not blaming you because at 6 they should know the difference between good and bad behaviour and also they should respect your firmness when you were clearly telling them off prior to taking the other one home. What I am saying though is that you were the adult in charge, and I'd now be looking at my own management of the situation to see what I could have done to avoid it all kicking off in the first place rather than shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted. You did do the right thing there, but how did it escalate to that situation?

I'd now be looking at my own management of the situation to see what I could have done to avoid it all kicking off in the first place

What is this, a mid-year review?!

You're looking at a verbal warning for subordination, Paul

😂 @SundayGirls

Yes my own kid was a brat.

However they were separate brats especially at this point... it wasn't a joint effort that got out of control

It was one kid who did something that made me decide time was up on me being responsible for them especially if they didn't want to apologise (so in my eyes that meant they thought what they'd done was fine and may have done it again)

Mine didn't join in... but was being a brat anyhow which made it harder to stop dangerous situation happening

They weren't joint co-brats. I had to tell them both off about different things. Got very fed up of repeatedly telling other kid off.

My own I just have to deal with... par for the course.

Well... some playdates just go haywire, we've all been there! I should think it was probably just the end of the week, it was getting a bit late, tired kids, high spirits, etc.. you called it a day at the right time.

I think you're overthinking the lack of apology. They are 6. It does seem a bit dramatic to bring them home because you couldn't trust them not to do it again. Why not just restrict them to being in your sight or something - deny them the opportunity to do it again?

We've all had a playdate from hell though, and sometimes it does just go horribly wrong and hindsight's a wonderful thing. Without knowing what they did it's hard to comment. You have my sympathy, you must have had a shitty day..

I couldn't really distract... it had happened, there wasn't anything to distract from

When they refused to apologise for having done it I said they'd be going home if I didn't get one

I didn't - they went home

I was very clear that playing would continue IF I got an apology and home would happen if I didn't

I love the put a film on, distract type comments and obviously I haven't shared exactly what happened so I understand why I am getting some but yeah, putting a film on or distracting wouldn't have saved any accidents

It was a "you do that, you're in trouble" then blink and they were off doing it situation. I may as well have said ready steady go between warning against it and it happening 😄

You were spot on OP. YWNBU
Don't over think it later.

My friend, an ex Nanny, now social worker, has sent a child (not mine!) home from play date and even from a sleepover before. Nothing wrong with her child/parenting skills & ability to distract!

Her house, her (fairly relaxed) rules but like you- if you seriously hurt someone or do something very dangerous and will/ repeat it, you go home early. Quite admire her really.

I would probably explain that you feel embarrassed and you did also punish your own child just so they didn't feel like shit because I'd be mortified if someone did that with my child and would feel better knowing they were both playing up

Good for you.

Seems fair enough to me. I am strict with my kids and anyone in my house has to follow my rules. Being kind, respectful and apologising (even if an accident) is hardly heavy handed.

I bet this kid won't misbehave again when playing at your house.

Well done OP. If I was that other parent, I would have a lot of respect for you, knowing you weren't just going to let my kid run wild.

You'll have done everyone a favor in the long run

Please don't apologise. You did the right thing.

I think 8pm is too late for 6..As little children get tired they become silly and out of control, wind eachother up. Having been through silliness at a earlier time, I’m not surprised you were having difficulty with two 6 yos at 7pm. I’d keep playdates shorter until your dc is older.

Dd is 10 and we normally finish play dates by 6:30 on a weekday and an hour or so later at the weekend unless it’s a sleepover. One of her friends still goes to bed at 7pm so I still want to avoid the silly last hour before bed.....

I wouldn’t expect a child to apologise. Even one I know extremely well. Some children aren’t good at apologising and will feel very ashamed if you make them. Besides a forced apology is just lip service.

If you want to talk to your friend I’d go with: Sorry I ended up bringing your dc home early. I think the children were overtired. Let’s keep play dates a bit shorter next time. They were fine until x time.

Boundaries and consequences. If I was the other parent I’d back you 100% (from what you’ve said on here)