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AIBU?

To think BF is a CF?

31 replies

pipadoodledoo · 02/11/2018 14:45

My BF stays at my house and if he has nothing on the next day will stay at my house because it's much nicer and quieter than his flat. I had a particularly high gas and electric bill last month and when he was alone there yesterday texted him to not have the heating on all day as i'm struggling with the bills. He messaged me back to say he had hammered the heating all day as he was cold but offered to give me some money for it. If I hadn't mentioned it, I don't think he would've offered. AIBU to think he's an absolute CF? We have only been together a matter of months. No kids on either side (not sure if that matters!).

OP posts:
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NRPDad · 02/11/2018 14:54

Well he admitted he had after you had warned him not to (how was he supposed to know you didn't want him running the heating before you told him?) and has offered to contribute to the cost.

Doesn't seem CFery to me. If he had told you to stop nagging or something and made no offer to contribute then that would be different.

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Popc0rn · 02/11/2018 14:54

YANBU. Do you tell him he's welcome to stay when you're not there? I live with my boyfriend now (in his house), but still feel strange about adjusting the heating without asking him! Though I grew up in a house where the heating only went on when you could see your breath Grin, maybe he grew up in a sauna and just doesn't see it as a big issue?

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ChasedByBees · 02/11/2018 14:55

I agree with NRPDad.

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Jlynhope · 02/11/2018 14:58

I think he handled it well. He offered to pay what would you have wanted him to do?

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FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 02/11/2018 15:00

I also agree with NRPDad. He has offered to contribute so he probably just didn't think it would be an issue but isn't trying to be cheeky. (If he was he'd have pretended he wasn't putting it on or taken offence at you not wanting it on).

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Picnictime · 02/11/2018 15:03

He is not a CF!
He popped the heating on, he didn't realise it was an issue, he's offered the money. How was he supposed to know it was an issue for you?
I have a lot of guests stay who use my electricity, heating, water, food etc. Never have I been offered money, nor would I expect then too offer unless specifically asked!

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ErickBroch · 02/11/2018 15:06

He's offered the money, as long as he happily hands it over with no snide remarks I think he seems pretty genuine. He probably was being a bit thick and just hadn't thought about it.

However, if he is a bit shit about it all then yes - CF!

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Maelstrop · 02/11/2018 15:19

If he’s staying when you’re not there and thereby increasing bills, then he needs to contribute regularly. Are you happy for a bf of a few months to be staying at yours?

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Holdingonbarely · 02/11/2018 15:20

Seems perfectly reasonable.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/11/2018 15:21

Take him up on his offer. You've explained why, he's probably mortified he hadn't thought of it himself.

If he even begins to bluster over actually paying then yes, he is a CF!

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bringincrazyback · 02/11/2018 15:23

He's offered to pay for it. Take him up on that and I can't see how there's any harm done. It'd be different if he'd had the heating on in secret and not told you/not offered to pay.

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HollowTalk · 02/11/2018 15:25

He actually said he'd hammered the heating? I wouldn't want him there if I wasn't there.

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RedSkyLastNight · 02/11/2018 15:37

He's offered to pay for it, so not a CF. He probably didn't offer up front because he simply hadn't thought through how much the extra heating would raise your bills.

I think it's fine for you to have a conversation about if he's staying x days a month he needs to contribute y towards the bills. Sounds like he'd be perfectly amenable to that.

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/11/2018 15:42

I don't think he even gave it a thought - and he has offered to pay.

I would accept his money, explain that if he "hammers" the heating again he will have to contribute to the costs on a regular basis, and buy him a jumper for Christmas.

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HellenaHandbasket · 02/11/2018 15:42

It wouldn't even have crossed my mind tbh if I were him, so it doesn't make him a cheeky fucker. Take him up on his offer though if it helps.

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dontalltalkatonce · 02/11/2018 15:55

So take the money.

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JakeBallardswife · 02/11/2018 15:56

Take the money, he doesn't seem a CF just normal. What's nice about sitting in a cold house?

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Piffle11 · 02/11/2018 16:02

I think the fact that he actually told you he'd hammered the heating is a good sign: if he'd said he'd hardly had it on and then you got a massive bill then he would have been a sly CF. But he's been honest and offered to pay - surely that's a good thing? I reckon the bit about not offering if you hadn't mentioned it is a bit off: it wouldn't have entered my head to offer to pay towards the heating for a day if the homeowner hadn't told me how high their bill was. So no, I don't think he's a CF.

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Piffle11 · 02/11/2018 16:03

I mean off of you thinking that way, not of him not offering, IYSWIM.

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InfiniteVariety · 02/11/2018 16:04

I would wonder why he didn't put more clothes on rather than turning the heating up so high (I'm assuming that's what "hammering the heating" means) which is what I would do in someone else's house

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WhyAmISoCold · 02/11/2018 16:07

You are looking for a problem where there isn't one. This is not CF at all fgs.

Man uses heating, woman says about bill, man offers to pay. Hardly a story is it.

Sounds like you are looking for an excuse with him.

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LifesABeachCoaster · 02/11/2018 16:08

He is not being unreasonable

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Prettyvase · 02/11/2018 16:14

Be nice: show him your normal bills and the unusually high ones and ask him to pay the difference plus extra for the current month.

You are early days into your relationship so whatever you say goes Grin

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Powerless · 02/11/2018 16:27

Wow! Poor lad.... You begrudge him a bit of heating?!
I'd let him off this time and just ask him to be more considerate in future if he stays again. He's not a lodger he's someone you're in an actual relationship with...so presumably love/like a lot?! 

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CottonTailRabbit · 02/11/2018 16:31

Are you more generally unhappy or suspicious about him moving in by stealth?

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