Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU? Am I being a bad host?

106 replies

Greenbeanmcgee · 02/11/2018 11:40

A friend who lives on the other side of the country is going to be staying with me for a few days. I'm looking forward to it but she wants to attend church on the Sunday. That isn't a problem at all. I said that I'd have a nice lunch ready for her when she returns but she wants me to attend and won't stop asking.

I really don't want to go. I'm an Atheist and have no desire to attend church unless it's necessary. Also her particular style of church makes me extremely uncomfortable. Just a personal preference.
I could also use the time to get some work done.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/11/2018 12:19

YANBU - I'm a practising Christian, and rarely miss Sunday worship even when away from home - however I wouldn't emotionally blackmail anyone into coming with me. It's rude!

She obviously hopes that during the service you will find Jesus. And she will be a step closer to heaven.

IrisDolmato · 02/11/2018 12:20

Agreed with FaerieQueene she does sound awful. And given that this loopy fundamentalist Pentecostalist church actually got banned by the Church of Scotland from using its premises to promote some fairly repellent ideas, you don't even need to be an atheist to want to avoid such dangerous nonsense. No, you're not being at all a bad host. She's being a shitty guest-to-be and probably trying to convert you to win another black sheep for Jesus--. Stand firm.

Thebluedog · 02/11/2018 12:20

Yanbu

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/11/2018 12:21

Evangelicals can be hard work. Not all of them, but some.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 02/11/2018 12:21

No one should ever feel forced into going to church.

I think for me it would depend why she was asking.

If she's just shy and nervous to go on her own because she's never been and doesn't know anyone and would like a friendly face with her as a safety net or she's one of those churchy people who can't seem to get that not everyone's the same and feels it's their duty/right to force their beliefs on others.

In the first scenario I'd be more likely to go because she's my friend.
In the second scenario I'd be digging my heels in because no one forces religion on me!

It doesn't matter for this thread but Iv got a faith. Most people I know wouldn't know because I never talk about it unless it is relevant to conversation and I certainly would never ever expect my non religious friends or my absolutely non religious dp to go to church with me!

MrsJane · 02/11/2018 12:22

She's being very rude by not respecting your wishes and your beliefs.

I'd make it clear that while you respected her religion and understood her need to go, it's not something you will be doing under any circumstances.

Religion is a personal choice and people should not have it forced on them.

AjasLipstick · 02/11/2018 12:22

isn't that one of the churches where part of their "job" is to convert/save souls?

I couldn';t be friends with someone like that.

SandAndSea · 02/11/2018 12:23

YANBU.

She might be trying to convert you. Definitely, stand firm.

IrisDolmato · 02/11/2018 12:23

Just looked at the Glasgow Destiny church website, and this is one of the primary obligations on all members -- to

Evangelise our community and areas beyond.

We are determined to be effective in introducing our friends, colleagues and neighbours to a living relationship with Jesus.

We believe that all of us should take personal responsibility for this urgent task, by living open lives with others, and inviting our friends and family to join us at church or one of our special events.

She's trying to win your sinful soul for the Lord.

Rebecca36 · 02/11/2018 12:24

Don't go, you'd hate it. If it was an ordinary church with a short service, you could maybe tolerate but Destiny is Deep Stuff.

She'll be fine going alone, people there will welcome her so don't worry about her, she will enjoy it. You definitely wouldn't.

ThistleAmore · 02/11/2018 12:25

I'm agnostic these days, but brought up Church of Scotland, so I've got previous here.

A Destiny church close to where I live was doing a big marketing push recently, so, out of boredom, I had a look at the website and agree there's something mildly unsettling about it: almost slightly 'culty'?

(Now, as I say, I'm lapsed CoS, which is more of a weekly social club than a religious denomination, so it could be that anything that's slightly more enthusiastic than that looks a bit culty to me, but just IMO.)

You're not being a bad host at all: it's important that friends respect one another's belief systems. I agree with PPs who have advised to either firmly but politely shut the conversation down, or else pull the work card.

You don't think she might be recruiting, do you?

Fink · 02/11/2018 12:26

YANBU. I say this as a churchgoer (different type of church from Destiny). In similar circumstances, I would have:

Asked you if you knew of any churches (of my denomination) near you and, if you didn't, would have researched it myself online.

Checked with you what our plans were for the weekend so that I knew what service time would be convenient for me to attend and not put you out.

Let you know what service I was intending to go to (place and time) and say something light like 'you're welcome to come along.' If you'd clearly said 'no' then I wouldn't have offered again.

IrisDolmato · 02/11/2018 12:33

Destiny is Deep Stuff

It's not Deep Stuff at all, it's dim-witted Biblical literalism and your usual all-purpose fundamentalism with bad music, arm-waving and US-style preachers, with a side order of speaking in tongues and faith healing.

In fact, if you've read Jeanette Winterson's Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, that's pretty much this lot.

dontalltalkatonce · 02/11/2018 12:33

She's totally rude. I'd tell her, 'Look, you're entitled to your beliefs, but I've invited you here as my friend. But if you're going to continually bamboozle me into going to your church when I've made it clear I don't want to go then you need to stay somewhere else. I'm not prepared to listen to religious talk at all so you need to decide if you're going to come over or not. Please let me know by tomorrow. Thanks.'

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/11/2018 12:34

inviting our friends and family to join us at church or one of our special events.

Inviting's one thing, nagging is another.

There is a Church of Scientology about to open up near us. I wish I had the courage to set fire to it. Many (all) of these tent to be cults, rather than real denominations.

I'm happy to be Anglican and let people decide what they want to do with their own lives. All I would ask is that we all be kind to each other (says the woman who wants to immolate scientology).

Karmin · 02/11/2018 12:37

OUR MISSION
Spread the Gospel by all possible means

Strengthen the Church through training & equipping

Advance God’s Kingdom through influence and demonstration

Is on our local one's website, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Could you declare your love of the ideals of a matriarchal society and your support of free love? Or how you are looking forward to attending your friend's civil partnership?

Original poster

Greenbeanmcgee · 02/11/2018 12:37

I'm relieved to see that the consensus is that I'm probably not being unreasonable.

I do suspect that she's hoping that I'll be converted, but regardless of her reasons I'm not going. She'll just have to accept that or decline to visit me.

She is very nice and I like her a lot but we have an agreement that we don't discuss religion as we have such different and strong views on the topic, but she does break that rule sometimes and can be pretty pushy about it.

I am so uncomfortable with her church that going definitely isn't an option for me but if she still wants to visit then I hope that she enjoys visiting her sister church and I'll have a nice lunch ready for her when she returns.

OP posts:

IrisDolmato · 02/11/2018 12:37

(says the woman who wants to immolate scientology)

I think that's an excellent idea. Shall we get up a posse?

Witchesbritches · 02/11/2018 12:42

Are you still looking forward to her visit?

I don’t ‘do’ religion of any kind. I don’t care what others believe, but I don’t want to hear about it. I’d be fine with her going - no different than if she was going to visit another friend or go for a run etc. I wouldn't even mind being asked if I wanted to go (despite knowing I dont ‘do’ religion), but if she didn’t accept ‘No thank you’ the first time and kept on about it, I would cancel the visit.

IrisDolmato · 02/11/2018 12:42

I'd only feed her the nice lunch if she doesn't mention Jesus once during her stay. And I say that as a semi-lapsed Catholic.

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/11/2018 12:43

Not knowing anyone there shouldn't be a problem for her. Church isn't supposed to be a social event, is it?

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 02/11/2018 12:44

Why am I imagining your friend as this lady OP?

Hissy · 02/11/2018 12:47

What Witches said.

100% cancel the visit if she doesn't drop this

cantfindname · 02/11/2018 12:49

Your friend and her insistence is the reason why so many people go totally off the idea of church attendance. No one likes being pushed or guilt tripped into doing things.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/11/2018 12:50

She's going to get less and less nice the more she hangs out with these crap-peddling fuckwits. Are you sure you want to maintain this friendship?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread