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AIBU?

To dread being alone with my toddler?

60 replies

Malibeau · 01/11/2018 08:27

Please tell me I'm not the only one? DS is 22 months old and the inconsolable tantrums/whinging are driving me up the wall. I'm so shattered. I don't drive so can't take him far. Bus journeys mean bus tantrums of course so that terrifies me. The only way to keep him happy is if we are walking round the block for hours and hours on end. He will only have a 45 minute nap when at home with me. So I don't just have the opportunity to sleep whenever I please, as DP thinks I can.

I would much rather sit in an office and work all day. DP thinks I have it easier in other words 

I work part time over 2 or 3 days a week and I look forward to those days so much. Does that make me an awful mother?

There's no way I'm the only one feeling like this with a toddler?

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Poodles1980 · 01/11/2018 08:29

If you didn’t feel like this with a toddler I would be more worried. They are total pains at this age. I would have sold mine to the highest bigger several times at that age. I love work, hot cup of tea, pee with door closed, adults, nice lunch which I don’t have to share.

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Kittykat93 · 01/11/2018 08:30

Mines only 12 months old and not really tantrumming yet, but I totally get where you're coming from. I currently work about 11 hours a week and sometimes I'm literally skipping to work!!

It's really hard work being at home with a young child, harder than I ever thought it would be. You can't sit and read a book, watch tv, cook, etc. You just have to constantly supervise all day, and it's exhausting! Especially if they have challenging behaviour,

I do have a car so if I'm having a bad day I'll take him for a drive just to get out and make the time go quicker.

Sorry no advice really, just wanted to say you aren't alone!

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Kintan · 01/11/2018 08:33

I feel your pain! Their moods can change in an instant. My son is also 22 months - I have no advice, but just sending solidarity! Hope today is a good day :)

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Oobis · 01/11/2018 08:34

Not at all! Toddlers are bloody hard work!!! It doesn't make you a bad mother in the slightest! Remember, this too will pass.

Maybe worth having a little look for new entertainment ideas - the same walk must get a little tedious. Do you have no toddler groups nearby or a friend who could assist with the bus tantrums? Or even just read a book or 2 about toddler taming? Or none of those, because I don't want you to think I'm criticising your current parenting. They are hard! That doesn't make you bad Thanks

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Strawberrybelly · 01/11/2018 08:36

I lasted 3 months being a sahm before I started looking for a job. I couldn't deal with the day in day out relentlessness of it. You're not alone.

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QueenofmyPrinces · 01/11/2018 08:38

Completely normal.

My 15 month old has only been awake for two hours and already the constant whinging is driving me mad.

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SilverbytheSea · 01/11/2018 08:38

I’ve been feeling a bit like this the last wee while with my 18 month old, doesn’t help that I’m pregnant and absolutely shattered all the time at the moment. Don’t get me wrong there are some nice moments, but most of the time I feel like I’m on a constant loop of “no” and “don’t!”which constantly get ignored. And as he never stops I can’t get any of the housework done, DH does do his share when he gets home but the days just feel so endless. His tantrums whenever I put a jacket on him or put him in his pushchair have meant that I have completely lost confidence in taking him to groups as he would just kick off, we’ve just moved area too and I don’t know anyone here so that isn’t helping with my confidence either. I’m not enjoying this stage at all and I feel guilty about that especially as we’ve had a few miscarriages before him and I’m lucky he’s here. I know it will get better eventually but it’s hard to see that on a day to day basis.

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Spiderdemon · 01/11/2018 08:41

Doesn't DH ever have him for a day at the weekend? Mumsnet classic - if it's easy for me to look after him all week, it's easy for you to take him all day Sunday. Sleep and rest then, eh? Oh, it's not easy? Well then you need to take him all day Sunday as you've noted that we both work all week long.

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MachoManRandySavage · 01/11/2018 08:45

I felt exactly the same way - stuck it out for three yrs and then went back to work full time. I used to wake up most days with an overwhelming feeling of dread!

Toddlers are bloody hard work, irrational, hyper, unreasonable, demanding, selfish - what's to like?!

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Didntwanttochangemyname · 01/11/2018 10:05

If you can find things to do that will engage and tire him out then you'll have a much better time I think. If I'm at home for the day then we'll go for a walk, do some painting, drawing whatever, have lunch, nap and then go for another walk or get them to 'help' me tidy the house etc.
If mine are bored they are unbearable, but if they are occupied they are much more manageable.

What do you do with him other than walk around the block?

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DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/11/2018 10:39

When my DS was that age, what worked for us was having somewhere to go every day. So, eg, one day was a toddler group, the next would be soft-play, the next would be feeding ducks etc. Even just an hour or so gave us a change of scenery and helped break the day up a bit.

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MyKingdomForBrie · 01/11/2018 10:44

Oh that's hard Sad I bloody love spending time with mine but definitely not when we have to stay in the house!

If you don't enjoy it could you go back to work full time? Or learn to drive? We go somewhere every morning then she naps two hours in the afternoon (sleep monster).

How is his routine? Could you work on his nap time? Is he eating enough?

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tiggerkid · 01/11/2018 10:48

I would much rather sit in an office and work all day.

Perhaps it's time to consider work and DS in nursery?

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Malibeau · 01/11/2018 13:20

Glad to know I'm not alone! I'm not sure we could afford the nursery fees for me to go to work full time  he will qualify for 15 free hours in the new year after he turns 2 I think, so could have another look at finances again then.

Think I will have to get him some paint/play dough/arts and crafts things to entertain him. I think it really is down to boredom and getting bored of his current toys perhaps. I do get him involved with things I'm doing though, he loves to help.

He sleeps through the night 7-6 no problems. Typically a fussy eater as a toddler. Takes what he likes and leaves the rest. Goes through phases.

He's apparently an angel at nursery so it must be boredom  or when things don't go his way immediately, which is normal.

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Malibeau · 01/11/2018 13:22

I think also solidifying his routine a bit more would help so he knows what to expect next?

But just to clarify I do work part time, would love to work full time if we could afford it.

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ThereGoesTheAlarm · 01/11/2018 13:25

Yeah I have a 16 month old who is absolutely delight personified but oh my god she is hard work. Work is easier.

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Creepyexgirlfriend · 01/11/2018 13:26

Do you earn less than childcare costs? Because if you want to go to work, go to work. You don't have to stay at home, or your DH can drop a day to do childcare. Which I imagine he wouldnt want to do. And yes, let DH have him for a whole weekend and don't arrange anything for him. He'll be singing a new tune after that.
I'm a SAHP BTW.

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PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 01/11/2018 13:31

Totally understand. I'm a single parent and I take her with me if I need to go to the toilet etc as I can't bare the screaming if she's not in the same room as me. She is a hurricane I'm constantly picking stuff up. Highchair is a no no unless she's eating and I don't want to be constantly feeding her so can't even strap her in that to get stuff done. She hangs off my legs all day long. I don't put her down for a nap during the day she goes to bed at 6pm as I need those few hours alone at night time to chill out and catch up with housework .

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BackInRed · 01/11/2018 13:32

I've seen a woman who walks around all the time with her toddler son on my block. I always wondered why, guess she has one similar to yours.

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Haworthia · 01/11/2018 13:37

If I could have outsourced the care of my children from the age of one to the age of four I would have gladly done it. It’s the hardest, most mentally and physically exhausting thing I’ve ever done. It doesn’t help that my children are the least easygoing, least amenable, most demanding types you can imagine Grin

My second (AND LAST) child is 3.5 and being a spectacular PITA this week. When we’re at home together he follows me from room to room, demanding things and never letting me get anything done. I’ve had enough Wine

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MoaningSickness · 01/11/2018 13:38

SilverbytheSea Also pregnant and exhausted with an 18 month old and feel I could have written your post!

I try to have 'activities' to keep things varied (play dough, bowl of soapy foam etc), but it's hard to keep thinking of things day after day when even the best things only occupy them for 20 mins.

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Lizzie48 · 01/11/2018 13:57

Oh I well remember those days when my DDs were toddlers, it was such hard work! Like PPs have said, the way I coped was to have something to do every morning. We went to toddler groups 3 mornings a week, interspersed with soft play and the park, it meant checking the weather forecast to decide which would be the day for the park. Then it would be lunch time, then I'd put whichever DD it was into their buggy and walk to our local Tesco Express, and they would hopefully fall asleep either on the way there or on the way back.

It could be very monotonous, I remember that! I never used to be able to drink a hot cup of tea; I used to find cold cups of tea I hadn't been able to drink regularly. And I certainly couldn't go to the toilet without having one or both my DDs wanting to come in too. They're 9 and 6 now, and I still have to put up with cries of 'Muuuummmmyyy!' when I'm in the toilet or in the bath because they're arguing over something.

It's hard work, but it honestly does get easier.

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Odiepants · 01/11/2018 14:08

My DS was a tantruming nightmare at that age so you have my total sympathy. I increased from 2 to 3 days a week at work when it was offered because it was easier than being with him all day. He didn't really improve till nearly 4 but is now mostly lovely aged 8.

I had a car so it was easier but I used to take him out anyway because I hated being stuck inside all day and he was slightly better for a change of scene.

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missperegrinespeculiar · 01/11/2018 14:20

I was lucky, I think. I enjoyed both of mine a lot at that age, but I think I am the odd one! most of my friends could have written your post at some point or other, perfectly normal!!

and yes, lots of activities may help!

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HoustonBess · 01/11/2018 14:21

Full sympathy, it's hard.

I think you need to get DP to take him for some full days, whether weekend or through leave, so you can have a break.

It's worth reading some books about toddlers if you haven't already, it can help you get a different perspective on why they're being a pain in the arse. How do you respond to the whinging and tantrums? I think it helps if you can somehow convey that you won't respond to those tactics and you don't expect him to do that. Easier said than done though, I know.

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