To dread being alone with my toddler?

[Malibeau]

Please tell me I'm not the only one? DS is 22 months old and the inconsolable tantrums/whinging are driving me up the wall. I'm so shattered. I don't drive so can't take him far. Bus journeys mean bus tantrums of course so that terrifies me. The only way to keep him happy is if we are walking round the block for hours and hours on end. He will only have a 45 minute nap when at home with me. So I don't just have the opportunity to sleep whenever I please, as DP thinks I can.

I would much rather sit in an office and work all day. DP thinks I have it easier in other words 

I work part time over 2 or 3 days a week and I look forward to those days so much. Does that make me an awful mother?

There's no way I'm the only one feeling like this with a toddler?

@BackInRed I wonder if it's me hahaa

I completely understand why you'd feel that way. I had a fairly easy toddler so enjoyed my time with her (also worked part time), but largely due to how active we were I think. Lots of outings and fresh air kept us busy, and kept me sane! Could you look into driving lessons?

And yes, agree with DP sometimes giving you complete break to do something just for YOU for a day.

But seriously thank you everyone. We're all in the same boat at some point it seems. I will look at working full time in the new year when he qualifies for 15 free hours and go from there.

In the meantime have a look for some toddler tactic books and think of some more activities to do on the 3 days I don't work.

Maybe unrelated but I'm always the one up with him at 6am whether I'm working or staying at home that day. DP says that's because I don't have to go to work... is that fair?

DP gives me a lie in every Saturday. Then it's his turn to lie in on Sunday's. But six out of seven days a week it's me up at the crack then he gets up at 8am for work. I would LOVE to get up at 8 sometimes.

Of course that's not fair. Just because you're home, you're not sleeping are you? I don't go to work, but I gave the baby to my DH this morning at 4.30 so I could go back to sleep, you're not a bloody robot.

“DP gives me a lie in every Saturday. Then it's his turn to lie in on Sunday's. But six out of seven days a week it's me up at the crack then he gets up at 8am for work. I would LOVE to get up at 8 sometimes.”

But how is this fair? Surely it’s just a matter of pointing this out to him?

Mine's a month older, and horrendous at the moment, but I also have an awful 6 month old so I feel your pain! At least two days a week my husband is out from 6.30am until 8pm. Even if I went to three toddler groups in a day (which I can't do anyway as my baby hates travelling in all forms) I still have wayyy too much time to fill. I'm so excited to start back to work.

I sympathise 100%, been home with my 2 year old all day and I am unbelievably grateful that I’m back at work tomorrow! I adore DD but it is so hard sometimes.

For me 18- 24- 28 months were the worst. They know what they want but can’t communicate well. They’re still babies but they want to do everything alone! After with planned activities like library story time, playgroup everyday. Then nap.

OP you are definitely not an awful mother. I'm off on maternity leave with my first. He is 7 months. I love him to bits but god it is so hard. Such a long day at home. Going to work is easier I'm sure. I'm looking forward to getting back. Adult conversation,drinking a cup of coffee in peace, eating my lunch in peace, driving to and from work listening to the radio, having the odd daydream at my desk. Ahhhh heaven 😄

Ah my DH is the same. Let's me sleep in the spare room on a Friday night and then I can lie in on a Saturday morning. I would love to swop with him for a week. I'll happily go to work after a full nights sleep every night.

DS turned 2adt week and has been a nightmare for a while. The whinging drives me insane and his favourite word is no!

I work 3 days but have a really demanding job so don’t skip out of the door to get there, but I would trade an office job for staying home with him any day!

My DS doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, hates being in a pushchair, hates being in the car! Has a 5 minute attention span maximum and has limited speech development so can be hard to understand.

I know the feeling!!! Get out and about to toddler clubs and groups and meet up with other parents with toddlers as much as you can. X

Just musing here. Why is it that going to work is considered a perfectly ordinary pursuit pre-children - one we’d happily work through hangovers or late nights, simply as a part of life - but as soon as a baby comes along and one parent is at home, the other [working] parent suddenly starts acting as though going out to work is a terrible burden, an arduous slog that needs 100% rest for, and protection from all aspects of housework etc?

Go away for a weekend - even if it is only to your mum's. Leave DH in charge of the little one on his own for all that time. He'll soon change his tune.

Completely normal, my DS is 2 and he just cannot be at home for long before he starts and the only way to keep him quiet is give him the tablet runs and hides 

But whenever I am off work (I work part time) I just try to get him out the house as much as possible. We go to soft play/wacky warehouse type places, or swimming, or the park, or even shopping...just anything to get out first thing after breakfast. By the time we get home it's lunch time, then nap time (he is a good napper to be fair) so the afternoon isn't too bad and then it's dinner time before I know it. Then he has a long bath which kills time between dinner and bed.

Honestly, OP I used to just sit at home and get so stressed with him and then it clicked that he was bored. He doesn't tantrum much when we're out cos he's just too distracted. And when he's older he will understand reasoning and consequences better, my DS has started to and it's so much easier to cut a meltdown short.

God I'm so happy I've found this thread. My DS is nearly 2.5 and I'm losing the will so much. I feel guilty dragging him out all the time but I just can't cope with him at home I think I'll just take him out and be done with it

No you're not a bad mother, you're just being honest! Toddlers can be very trying, it's hard work.

My two and a half year old has been an arsehole all afternoon.

Starting to rethink my comment on a different thread about how much I love being a mum...

“DP gives me a lie in every Saturday. Then it's his turn to lie in on Sunday's. But six out of seven days a week it's me up at the crack then he gets up at 8am for work. I would LOVE to get up at 8 sometimes.”

That's really unfair. Me and dp alternate every morning as to who gets up with dc (similar set up to you, he works full time and I work 3 days a week). 8am is a lie in! We're both up by then even on our lie in days. He's taking the piss.

Children don't get free hours until the term after they turn 3, unless you're earning under about £16k.

Why not switch over - you go back FT and DH goes PT? Are you (FT) salaries approximately equal?

Since he thinks you have the easier end of the deal, I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to switch...

@LannieDuck This has come up in an argument once and he actually said yes. Not sure if he was being serious mind but yes our FT salaries would be more or less the same I think

@Orlande I just realised this the other day after speaking to the nursery actually. But I am waiting for my universal credit to come through and I think they put quite a bit towards childcare costs. Not sure how much yet.

Anyway DP has booked tomorrow off since we've been at a wedding over the weekend, was a nice break but no doubt he will be having that lie in tomorrow morning.

OP - perfect, do it! I'm a big advocate of Dads doing some of the FT childcare while kids are young. I don't think you understand how hard it is until you do it for yourself.

Even if you only switch over for a year, that would be long enough for LO to qualify for some free childcare hours...

Would your work bump you up to FT hours?