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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend declined my invite because she wanted “to have fun” !

60 replies

GhoolsGoblinsandGobshites · 31/10/2018 20:08

AIBU to be a bit hurt by this ?

I have 2 DC aged 7 and 9.

Every year on Halloween , we have a party tea and play party games at home.

We dress up but we don’t go trick or treating as a) not many houses take part here and b) I feel uncomfortable about it.

I do take the DC to the neighbours we’re very good friends with who kindly give them sweets but that’s about it.

I also do mini party bags for the boys and get sweets in for any trick or treaters (we never get any !)

Both my boys seem to enjoy our Halloween.

I invited my elder son’s friend to join us today and told him what we had planned. His mum scoffed and said “oh no thank you, we want to actually have some fun !”

I don’t think she meant it menacingly but it stung a bit (competitive parenting rearing it’s head ?!) .

It’s got me thinking whether my boys are “missing out “ because we don’t trick or treat .

When I was a child, my siblings and me did it and enjoyed it but I feel differently now I’m older .

If we did decide to do it , we would probably have to walk for miles to find a house participating or drive to another area - which is ridiculous!

Does our Halloween sound rubbish?

The mother then turned up with her child to trick or treat at our house - They were passing in the car so thought they’d pop in!

OP posts:
Neverender · 31/10/2018 20:11

If you're saying that you'd have to walk for miles then YABU. She probably didn't mean it horribly but that doesn't sound like a bag of laughs, especially when you don't want to/aren't going to. It's up to her really, isn't it? At least when she does accept an invitation, you'll know she wants to be there.

CovenofMiLsfromHades · 31/10/2018 20:11

She sounds like a bit of a cow dear, I hope you gave her the coffee cremes.

DanglyBangly · 31/10/2018 20:11

Regardless of whether you agree or not with trick or treating, regardless of how you spend your Halloween, she was incredibly rude.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 31/10/2018 20:12

Your Halloween sounds nice. Your friend sounds rude. She could have graciously declined and said they already had plans.

Cherries101 · 31/10/2018 20:12

I do think kids who aren’t allowed to trick or treat on Halloween miss out. It’s way more fun than a tea party to kids. Why not just go trick or treating with your friend next year.

legalseagull · 31/10/2018 20:12

My best childhood memories of Halloween are parties at home. Bobbing for apples etc. Not traipsing around the cold dark streets

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2018 20:12

Wow she’s a bitch!

DanglyBangly · 31/10/2018 20:13

Do your boys ask to go trick or treating?

Returnofthesmileybar · 31/10/2018 20:13

It doesn't sound not fun but not as fun as trick or treating to me, sorry. If it's just the two of them it sounds a bit boring to be honest. But she was rude about it. And loads of people have to get in cars, loads around out village do it, they would be too rural to participate otherwise, nobody minds

Ohyesiam · 31/10/2018 20:13

You e said your boys enjoy it, that answers your question.
Look at all the threads on here tonight about kids being grabby and greedy , you are doing them a favour not getting to involved in what others do.

JosellaPlayton · 31/10/2018 20:14

It doesn’t matter if your Halloween is as interesting as watching paint dry, her response to your invitation was incredibly rude. And your tea party sounds perfect for ages 7 and 9 and if your boys enjoy that’s all that matters. Maybe it’s boring for an older child (is hers older?!) but that really isn’t the point. And the cheek of the Mum to turn up after rubbishing your plans! What on earth did you say to her? Did she apologise?

Loopytiles · 31/10/2018 20:14

She was rude!

MustStopSnacking28 · 31/10/2018 20:14

I think that sounds lovely but I suppose it might not be for everyone. Regardless, I think that’s a very rude way to respond! And unnecessary as well. I would just forget about it, people do things in different ways and she obviously wanted to do her own thing this time. At least if she invited you to something that sounds crap you could decline!

Cuckooclocks · 31/10/2018 20:16

Your plan sounds completely age appropriate and a lovely Halloween. Maybe this friend was just keen to take her kids quickly round and then home again so the “fun” comment was more to keep them on her plan. Never know, the surprise visit to yours could have been after some nagging from the kids...

LotsToThinkOf · 31/10/2018 20:16

She was really rude. I don't think the issue here is whether or not your Halloween seems fun, it's more about how she's been completely disrespectful. Since having children I've realised how bloody rude some people can be. My advice would be to completely ignore her pathetic comment and do whatever your DCs find fun. Don't bother offering again, she's a cow.

jelliebelly · 31/10/2018 20:17

Very rude! We have often had a houseful of kids for party games and trick or treating but we live in a village where lots participate decorating houses etc. Does she seriously take the kids trick or treating in the car - wtf??

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/10/2018 20:17

Drop your “friend” like a hot potato!

AnneProtheroe · 31/10/2018 20:18

The mother then turned up with her child to trick or treat at our house - They were passing in the car so thought they’d pop in!

Hope you didn't answer the door! Grin

Justforonequestion · 31/10/2018 20:19

Your halloween sounds lovely. Your friend is a dick.

Glumglowworm · 31/10/2018 20:20

As a child my mum and a mum down the road with DC the same age as me and my sister used to take it in turns to have a little party at home for the four children.

I have very fond memories of those parties!

Regardless though, your friend was very rude

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 31/10/2018 20:23

She was very rude. As an aside I felt the same way about trick or treating with my dcs particularly as there were not any other children in our street and we did not know many of the neighbours. What we did was to knock and offer treats to people instead. It took some people by surprise but it was a nice and gave us a chance to chat to people.

SparkyBlue · 31/10/2018 20:23

She sounds like an absolute cow and very rude. Who would actually say that to someone's face. Your Halloween sounds lovely and especially since you can't trick or treat seeing as you have no nearby houses then you make the most of your situation. I had similar in our old house. All very elderly neighbors and no houses decorated or anything so we used to have fun in our own home. Now we live in an estate where the neighbours love trick or treaters so it's different. I would be raging if I were you.

Original poster
GhoolsGoblinsandGobshites · 31/10/2018 20:27

It’s not that I don’t agree with trick or treating (I did it as a child) I just don’t feel comfortable doing it .

There is only one house in our entire estate decorated tonight (the neighbours who are our friends ) so I’m not sure we would actually get much joy out of it !

My boys have never asked to go trick or treating - we do say we’re going and take them to our neighbour’s house but it’s only one house Blush

For those asking , I did answer the door and gave her child sweets ! But I was a bit put out at the brassed neckedness Grin

Our party is just our family Blush but we have music , dress up, play funny games and have sweets.

I quite enjoy it Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
GhoolsGoblinsandGobshites · 31/10/2018 20:30

We have also done other Halloween related things throughout the week like carved pumpkins and a day out at a Halloween event at our local museum .

We’re not total bore fests Blush

OP posts:
ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 31/10/2018 20:32

She sounds like a massive wanker, OP. I'd give her a jar of beetroot or something.