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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Since when did kids get so... grabby?! (A Halloween one)

390 replies

MessyHouse91 · 31/10/2018 17:53

Perfectly happy to be slated here - I don’t spend much time with kids (expecting DC1) so this might just be a kid thing!

This is my first year living in a house on an estate (moved from my city centre flat) so my first year buying sweets for the trick or treaters. I love Halloween so I bought massive bags of sweets.

The first kids I held the bowl out so they could choose their own sweets from the selection, but each of the kids grabbed massive handfuls for 5 or 6 bags of sweets each.

For the next kids, I held the bowl out again and said ‘one each please’. The kids didn’t listen and took big handfuls again, and then Mum looked a little embarassed and told the kids to put them back. I didn’t know if it was the done thing to give them a limit and didn’t fancy standing on the doorstep while the kids rifled through their bags trying to figure out which ones it was, so I told her not so worry about it.

The third lot, I put the sweets into their bags for them. One little boy asked if he could have another for his sister, so I chucked in an extra, and then he got half way down the drive and asked for another for his sister. I said ‘I gave you one for your sister’ and he said ‘that was for my big sister, this one is for my little sister’. I gave him a third, and he shouted to his friends ‘SCORE! GOT ANOTHER ONE’.

I loved trick or treating as a kid (my mum only ever let me go to neighbours we knew) so I don’t want to be miserable about it. I was just so looking forward to decorating and seeing all the kids in their costumes! I know it’s just kids and just sweets but the whole thing seems a bit sad, especially as I’m now out of sweets before it even gets going.

Do I go to the shop and buy more and enjoy the whole thing and chalk it up to experience, or do I stop answering the door and be grumpy for the rest of the night?

OP posts:
Glitterbubbles · 31/10/2018 22:28

We had about 60 kids in the first hour, most of them only took one, one child who looked about 2 grabbed a lot (and was promptly told off by his not much older sister!), and when we were running out the last lot of kids to get them before we went to get more grabbed handfuls! The majority were very polite though

Glitterbubbles · 31/10/2018 22:30

We bought more sweets when we ran out and after that were encouraging the kids to take more as we didn't want to be left with them, but they wouldn't!

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 31/10/2018 22:44

One boy around 12-13 this evening took a massive handful of sweets. I asked him to put them back and he actually said no! He said he didn't have much so was taking them.

I told him to put them back and take 1 packet like his politer friends had.

Someone also stole the battery tea lights out of our pumpkins. I'd put 3 in each one to make them really bright.

I won't be doing anything next year apart from putting a sign up to say nothing here!

Skittlesandbeer · 31/10/2018 22:45

I gave out (an obscene number of) lollipops this year instead. Skull design, three colours. It cut down on grabbiness, although I still police it pretty carefully. It also cut down on decision making, which is handy when you’ve got 100’s of kids to hand out to!

Next year I think I’ll go with one colour, for maximum efficiency.

It was interesting to note the reactions of kids when we’d run out of lollipops. We have a very decorated front porch, with electronic scary beasts, etc. Some were happy to stay and play for a while, chatting about their costumes, etc. Delightful! Others just groaned loudly and dropped any pretence that it was about anything but free sweets! One cheeky blighter asked me to go inside a check if I had anything left. Another memorably made an attempt to steal from my DD’s pumpkin bucket.

I usually deal with grabbiness by making sure my costume gives me options to ‘faux punish’ them, which underlines the point to their hovering parents. Last night I was the ‘Evil Tooth Fairy’, who just takes their teeth out with my pliers. The pliers came in handy for retrieving stolen extra lollipops, and I offered to swipe some teeth as well, given that the extra sugar they were stealing was going to make their teeth rot anyway...!

I can report that one family came around OFFERING sweets, to thank households for decorating and making the neighbourhood so fun for Halloween. It was a lovely gesture, and such a surprise!

bitchwitch · 31/10/2018 22:45

it is just getting to that time here(6:30) we don't get many anymore.
looked up and there was a 6ft tall white rabbit and a similar sized reindeer.normally i wouldn't answer the door,but they are the new ndn boys and very nice.
so i had some fun.told them no treats without tricks.the rabbit told me some jokes and the reindeer danced the thriller zombie dance.
the little ones coming up the walk were astounded.
after the big boys left. the little ones.a vamp ,a pumpkin and a cute little witch,danced for me.
the parents and other kids were all laughing and having a good time.
here we put the treats in the bags. the parents stand at the end of the walk.
if thats all i get, i had a good halloween

Notasyoungasiwas · 31/10/2018 22:54

We’ve had a busy night tonight. Almost all were pleasant and polite. Except . . . . . . one boy DEMANDED with a shriek that he “put them in my bag myself” Mum said “Sorry, he’s a bit particular!” Then asked for some sweets for her younger daughter! Then some cheeky fuckers stole the bloody candle out of my pumpkin! I laughed (after I’d wished all sorts of evils on them) Mwahahaaa!!

minivampsmakebloodwork · 31/10/2018 22:56

I've just been told by dh that the bucket I left out while taking our kids trick or treating was emptied before he left for work. That was about half an hour after we left the house.

I'm disappointed as I know from walking out there were not many houses in the immediate area of ours which were participating. Maybe 5 houses across 4 small culdesacs and the 30 ish houses on our road. But then maybe that is why. Kids fed up of traipsing past dozens of doors without getting anything.

I'm also a little irritated by all the people we saw out whose homes didn't even have so much as a pumpkin out. Like it's ok to take but not to give.

Still, next year I've decided to have a party instead. I much prefer being on the door to out trick or treating.

I'm doubly disappointed as I portioned everything out so each child could take one cup and get the same amount.

FreakForHummous · 31/10/2018 22:56

We've had truck loads of trick or treaters at the door tonight and apart from the last two children who took huge handfuls of sweets whilst their parents passively simpered at their little brats darlings, everyone has been wonderfully polite 

Windbeneathmybingowings · 31/10/2018 22:58

We left a bowl out with “please take one” written on a board.

When we came home, there was still an entire bowl left and only about a third had been taken. I was expecting the bowl to be empty and possibly smashed so I was pleased with that. Maybe it’s where you live which dictates the kind of people you get?

FreakForHummous · 31/10/2018 22:59

Oh and and DC answered the door so didn't think they could say anything... I would have told them to put the sweets back! 

Sparrowlegs248 · 31/10/2018 23:00

I took my 2 small dc out for the first time tonight, with a group of older but still primary school age children. I won't be making that mistake. Rude, noisy grabby and little sods, all of them . I only heard thank you from my 2.

Camomila · 31/10/2018 23:05

Some of the kids were too polite where I am....ended up behind the same group of lads a few times...aged about 12 I guess...one boy was a good half a foot taller than his friends and wearing a mask...heard him say in a sad voice “I keep not getting any sweets, I think they think I’m an adult”

DS was polite but a bit confused....said thank you as soon as people opened the door but forgot to say trick or treat...at the first couple of houses he tried giving his sweets away.

AjasLipstick · 31/10/2018 23:18

Cam they probably did....I'd actively discourage tall kids from mask wearing as they do look scary.

HaveAWeeNap · 31/10/2018 23:30

Approx 35 trick or treaters between 6pm and 7.30pm. All except the last group were accompanied by their parents.
All very polite, well mannered and superbly dressed up.
All complimented my DS on his costume!
DS and I trick or treated 10 doors. 9 answered. Encouraged at each door to get more sweets than what he had taken. Said to me on way round: I'm showing lovely manners, aren't I Mum?
Lovely evening. And I normally despise Halloween

smurfy2015 · 01/11/2018 01:15

Sorry to say this they are nearly all CFs here.

My mobility is awful this evening and Im in bed, my buzzer has been going constantly from 6-10.30pm. Ive had kids shout thru my letterbox to see if Im here, my lights were all off but I had music playing.

Last year, I did open up for trick or treaters, I had a lovely little vampire and corpse bride, who had to be persuaded to take extra. They would only take one sweet and did a dance for me as a duo (they are brother and sister)

My next lot was a young boy on his own, no costume, no trick or treat or happy halloween, just what you got? He went to try and take a double hander of bags of sweets, no thank you from him and he left, he returned 5 mins later, with his sister, and went to go for the bag again. still no thank you, 5 mins later with another sister -

I do know he is from a big family, he then brought 3 cousins all seperataely and another 2 older sisters, each time he went to get a second go at the bag of swag. He only got the one go but it wasnt for want of trying. lol

I had a group of teenagers, 9 of them male and female, no costumes , one just mumbled trick or treat, then all arms lurched forward to the bag of swag. no thank yous at all, the youngest of them would have been 15/16 so should know better

Then boy with big family returned on his own with a different jacket on, this was his costume apparently, nope he didnt get another dip,

he offered however if I was out of sweets that he was willing to take money instead and that if I didnt have any in the house he would call the next day when Ive had time to go to the cash machine. So I said, halloween is over. So he called daily for the next week to see if I got to the atm and each time, I said no.

Halloween can run right up to xmas. allegledly - nope its over on October 31, I got a mouthful from his mother for treating him so badly at halloween, so I elaborated on the whole saga. That was the end of that.

Surprisingly this year, I decided not to bother, That one child ruined it for others.

However back about 7 years ago, I lived in a house which the front door opened straight into the living room, partner was there and wasn't doing Halloween as I had major bills at the time. We were watching tv, lights off, blinds down, curtains closed. So the signal was fairly clear.

However we started to get frisky and as you do, rip each others clothes off and get down to business in front of the fire and by candlelight.

As we were getting down to it, we thankfully had moved off the sofa which was straight in eye line with the letterbox, when fingers come in the letterbox followed by a voice, I know you are there, trick or treat,

we hadnt time to think about could they possibly have seen anything so partner grabbed jogging bottoms and tee shirt and open the door, keeping them talking while I looked for something to get rid of them with so he grabbed his wallet off table and gave the duo a fiver between them.

We stuck a sign on the door no trick or treaters, covered the letterbox but friskiness was gone.

Co-incendentally it was 2 older brothers of boy from last year.

Later that night about 7 years ago, partner went outside and poked his fingers thru the letterbox while I moved around the areas we were to check if our visitor might have seen anything, thankfully not. Had we been on the couch, we would have been in full view.

So often wondered if could get done for exposure to a under 16, even tho no intent to expose as not expecting him to peer or speak thru the letterbox while we were in the living room in a house that was effectively closed down for the night? Often wondered.

If anyone knows would they let me know, thanks

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 01/11/2018 01:52

Oh you never hold out the bowl

You put one sweet in their bags for them

Never hold out the bowl..ever

MarcieBluebell · 01/11/2018 02:32

Skittlesandbear tbf of course kids might groan if there are no sweets but you're house it decorated. They want sugar!

speakingtruthfully · 01/11/2018 03:26

We went out for the evening , restaurant was jam packed so I would imagine they were all avoiding the trick or treaters too 😀

xJessica · 01/11/2018 03:37

That's disgustingly grabby. My DD was the opposite, she was the only child in our group, my friend and I dressed up to go with her but she stood at the front and was the one getting the sweeties. At each house she took only one thing. They all had huge bowls and very few trick or treaters going about. Every single house said to her, after she'd taken only one, to take as much as she liked (I think because it was so quiet, getting a bit late and nobody going about!) at every house she took only one more. In previous years we've gone with other kids and they've been very grabby.

Heatherjayne1972 · 01/11/2018 06:22

We never ‘do’ Halloween
I don’t own any decorations and have never carved a pumpkin or done trick or treating
But the amount of people who knock on the door anyway always shocks me
Plus the one year I was berated by an angry mother when I told her child ( nicely) that we don’t do it
Apparently I ‘have’ to give her child sweets!
It’s not just grabby kids round here

CranmersBarmaid · 01/11/2018 06:29

@Heatherjayne1972 yep we had that too. I handed out clementines to the assorted neighbourhood kids. Next door's permanently rude 8yo with a put-down for every situation laughed, rolled her eyes and said "God you'd think she'd know about Halloween by now, she's older than my parents". I reached into her basket and took back the clementine with a smile, and waited for something to happen. Mother sighed and snapped "well she's right. Don't you have anything more normal to give the kids?"

I said "Bye kids! Happy Halloween!" and closed the door...

Barbadosgirl · 01/11/2018 07:05

Agree that it depends on the parents! We went out in a group with our 3-5 year olds. We made sure they took one sweet each and didn't get carried away. We ensured they thanked people. Only knocked on doors with decorations. We ourselves engaged with people, thanked them, joked about costumes and decorations etc.

One mum was out with her kids and every time I saw her she was snapping gum, on her phone and bellowed to her kids to take more for their siblings! Very rude.

For us it was all about only trick or treating the people who wanted to join in (indicated by decorations and usually with kids themselves). So we made it very clear to our kids not to demand from and harass people who were not interested.

Mymycherrypie · 01/11/2018 07:06

If they are obviously teenagers, why do you give sweets at all? It just encourages them. Why not just say “if you’re old enough to earn your own money you can buy your own sweets” and shut the door.

Fresta · 01/11/2018 07:42

My 13 year old went trick or treating- she loves it still and I don't want to say you are too old- after all childhood is fleeting! She's really into creating horrific looking make-up looks which she does better every year with latex and wants to show it off- she also enjoys answering the door and scaring the littler ones a bit- all good fun- she's definitely not rude or grabby either.

Sowhatifidosnore · 01/11/2018 08:02

Kids round our way aren’t like that, they take one thing and say thank you